Sheldon Quotes
Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
Tam: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I heard you could punch a hole in these and make them double-sided.
Tam: Then it would have more storage?
Sheldon: Yes, but I didn't pay for a double-sided floppy disk.
Tam: So?
Sheldon: So it's an ethical dilemma.
Tam: We have to take a shower in the locker room next period, and that's what you're worried about?
Sheldon: Actually, I have a bathing suit under my pants.
Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
Sheldon: "Geologists lead a sedimentary lifestyle." Libby, that is a good one.
Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish
Sheldon: He licked me! He licked me! The dog licked my tongue! I can still taste it! Call 911!
Quote from the episode Pilot
Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Hello, Billy Sparks. Hello, Matilda Sparks.
Billy Sparks: I heard you're going to high school tomorrow.
Sheldon: I am. You're going to have to find someone else to torment on the playground.
Billy Sparks: "Torment"?
Sheldon: (sighs) It means to maliciously harass.
Billy Sparks: "Her ass"? (chuckles) That's funny.
Sheldon: Well, this was nice.
Billy Sparks: [holds chicken close to Sheldon's face] Hey, doofus! (squawks)
Sheldon: Mom!
Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System
Sheldon: Hello, George.
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: I do admire your thick head of hair George.
George Sr.: Thanks. What's going on?
Sheldon: Well, I'm practicing the principles in this book.
George Sr.: Why?
Sheldon: Well, I know Mom is concerned that I don't have any friends, so I'm determined to remedy the situation.
George Sr.: Oh.
Sheldon: George.
George Sr.: Well, good for you.
Sheldon: Do you feel complimented when I say your name, George? The book says you should. George.
George Sr.: I suppose. Kind of overdoing it a little, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for your criticism. It also says I should praise any improvements that you've made.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: I'll get back to you. George.
Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom
Tam: Are you okay?
Sheldon: No, I'm not. [slides over his paper]
Tam: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: A B-plus that's the beginning of the end.
Tam: The end of what?
Sheldon: My life. If I don't make some changes, who knows how far I'll fall. I could wind up a drug addict, or a lawyer.
Quote from the episode An 8-Bit Princess and a Flat Tire Genius
Sheldon: "Brave adventurer, prepare to enter a world beyond your imagination. Where the only sound you'll hear is your own heart pounding as you race through the dark woods." This sounds terrifying.
Meemaw: Really? You don't even want to try it?
Sheldon: Honestly, I'd have more fun with the Crock-Pot.
Quote from the episode Cape Canaveral, Schrodinger's Cat, and Cyndi Lauper's Hair
Sheldon: Dad? Dad? Dad? - Dad.
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: Georgie keeps kicking me.
George Sr.: Kick him back.
Sheldon: I'd rather not touch him.
Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
Sheldon: You're gonna be a geologist. That's fascinating. Why'd you choose that?
Libby: When I was a little girl, my grandparents took me to Carlsbad Caverns, and I was hooked.
Tam: Exploring caves, that is super cool.
Sheldon: Disagree. Dark, enclosed spaces are terrifying. I get scared putting on a sweatshirt.
Libby: Hmm.
Tam: I've seen it. Pretty entertaining.
Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
Tam: So we eat in the library every day. You're welcome to join us.
Sheldon: It's much better than the cafeteria. It's quiet, and a lot less food gets thrown at us.
Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
Sheldon: I think the best space shuttle name so far is Discovery.
Tam: What about Challenger?
Sheldon: Too in-your-face.
Libby: Atlantis?
Sheldon: A fictional island that couldn't stay afloat? I don't think so.
Tam: There's the Enterprise.
Sheldon: There is, and it's on Star Trek, where it belongs.
Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
Mary: Hey. I want to talk to you.
Sheldon: Hold on. Let me bring this into the station so as not to disappoint my commuters. They'd like to get home to their families.
Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken
Sheldon: Hmm. Gallus gallus domesticus, otherwise known as "Earth chicken." Live long and prosper you filthy bird.
Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes
Sheldon: Mother?
Mary: Yes?
Sheldon: Is it okay if I use a knife to butter my toast, or are you worried I'll do something crazy with it?
Mary: You can butter your own toast.
Sheldon: Oh, good. You see the toast, too. I was afraid I was imagining it.
Quote from the episode Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero
Sheldon: Beginning on Wednesday night, I observed my parents arguing over the possibility of us moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Mr. Givens: Ugh, Oklahoma.
Sheldon: The argument escalated and then my father stormed out and bought a Fiero.
[voice breaks] And then I went to my Meemaw's and slept in my underwear. [sobbing, Sheldon drops his paper and runs out of class]
Mr. Givens: That's it. I've wasted my life.
Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag
Mary: Sheldon, hang up the phone. It's dinner time.
Sheldon: Be right there, Mom.I'm do ing battle with corporate America.
Quote from the episode An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
Ms. Ingram: And so the square of sine plus cosine equals one. Sheldon.
Sheldon: I don't want to embarrass you, so I'm going to give you a moment to think about what you just said.
Quote from the episode An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
Sheldon: What's wrong with them?
Mary: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: They're so quiet. Are they on medication?
Mary: No, they're just smart like you.
Sheldon: I've been going to school in a zoo.
Quote from the episode An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
Mary: Flora, I have to ask about the living arrangements. That's our main concern.
Flora: Well, I think I can reassure you about that. My husband and I have been hosting a student for the last several years who recently graduated and is now at Princeton. So we have a guest room available in our home.
George Sr.: That's very generous of you. Does your husband work at the school also?
Flora: No, he's retired. He was an astrophysicist for NASA.
Sheldon: Please tell me you don't have a dog.
Flora: No, we're both allergic.
Sheldon: I'm tingling.
Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish
Mary: How's it going in there, baby?
Sheldon: [gargling, spits] Okay, but we're gonna need more Listerine.
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