[Sheldon, George Sr. and Georgie in a tent]
Sheldon: Moth! Moth!
George Sr.: Sheldon, it's just a butterfly.
Sheldon: How is that any better? Butterfly, butterfly!

Sheldon: Yes, I do understand we're in the middle of a cold war. But have you seen how many people wait in line for bread in Moscow? It stands to reason their bread must be great.

Adult Sheldon: From a young age, I was the proud member of several elite organizations: The Radio Shack Battery Club, entitling the bearer to the incredible bargain of one free battery per month. It's no wonder they went out of business.
Starfleet International, entitling the bearer to say things like, "I'm a member of Starfleet International."
And best of all, the Natural Science Museum of Texas, which included a free subscription to their magazine.
Sheldon: "The secrets of carbon isotope dating." Juicy.

Mary: Sheldon, hang up the phone. It's dinner time.
Sheldon: Be right there, Mom.I'm do ing battle with corporate America.

Ms. Ingram: And so the square of sine plus cosine equals one. Sheldon.
Sheldon: I don't want to embarrass you, so I'm going to give you a moment to think about what you just said.

Sheldon: What's wrong with them?
Mary: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: They're so quiet. Are they on medication?
Mary: No, they're just smart like you.
Sheldon: I've been going to school in a zoo.

Mary: Flora, I have to ask about the living arrangements. That's our main concern.
Flora: Well, I think I can reassure you about that. My husband and I have been hosting a student for the last several years who recently graduated and is now at Princeton. So we have a guest room available in our home.
George Sr.: That's very generous of you. Does your husband work at the school also?
Flora: No, he's retired. He was an astrophysicist for NASA.
Sheldon: Please tell me you don't have a dog.
Flora: No, we're both allergic.
Sheldon: I'm tingling.

George Sr.: Your mother's taking him to school.
Sheldon: That's not very efficient. Our car's already going there.
George Sr.: Not that it's any of your business, but I needed a break from your brother.
Sheldon: I certainly understand that. He's an acquired taste. Like Grape-Nuts. The first time I tried it, I thought I was eating gravel. But then I put a little sugar on it and let it get soggy. Now it's in my top six cereals.
George Sr.: I'll try soaking Georgie in a bowl of milk.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Sheldon: I had a feeling. The clue was you don't normally put people in bowls of milk.

Libby: What do you want?
Sheldon: Would you like to have lunch with me and my friend?
Libby: Why?
Sheldon: Why else? So we can have a spirited conversation about geostatistics.
Libby: You really are as smart as everybody says.
Sheldon: My teeth are small, but my prefrontal cortex is enormous.

Libby: Do you know what you're going to major in in college?
Sheldon: I'm leaning towards quantum chromodynamics, but who knows? A few years ago, I would've said choo-choo trains.

Mary: So how was school today?
George Jr.: Sheldon's got a girlfriend.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: That's not true.
George Jr.: Oh, yes, it is. I seen him talking to her at school.
Meemaw: Sheldon Lee Cooper, you dog.
George Sr.: Is she cute?
Sheldon: Compared to what?

Mary: What grade is she in?
Sheldon: Eleventh.
George Sr.: An older woman. Nice.
Sheldon: Most everybody's older than me. Why is that nice?

Mary: How's it going in there, baby?
Sheldon: [gargling, spits] Okay, but we're gonna need more Listerine.

Missy: She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better. Mom doesn't lie.
Sheldon: Sure, she thinks the Earth was made in six days, but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar.

Sheldon: Well, my mother didn't do anything differently.
Tam: Are you gonna eat it?
Sheldon: Better. I'm going to do science on it.
Tam: I would eat it.

Stan: All right, I don't have the Sperry loafers in your size, but I do have the Hush Puppies.
Sheldon: I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry penny loafers.
Stan: But they're exactly the same.
Sheldon: Well, do they come in a box that says Sperry penny loafers? Because that one says Hush Puppies.
Mary: Just try 'em on, honey.
Sheldon: What if I like them?
Mary: Well, then we'll get them.
Sheldon: All right, let's go over this again. I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry-
Mary: Would you give us a moment?
Stan: Happily.

Dr. Edward Pilson: Okay, Sheldon, this first battery of tests measures basic problem-solving abilities.
Sheldon: Is the Kaufman test or the Wechsler Intelligence Scale?
Dr. Edward Pilson: Are you familiar with those?
Sheldon: It's embarrassing, but I enjoy a little light reading in the bathroom.

Mary: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, welcome.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you, Sheldon.
Mary: Sheldon, you think you might've let me know you invited company over for dinner?
Sheldon: I did think about it, but I was afraid you might say no.

Sheldon: Well, I for one plan to do something about it.
Tam: Like what?
Sheldon: I'm going to goof off, engage in horseplay, and if time permits, be quite immature.
Tam: If time permits?
Sheldon: I have homework, too.

Professor Boucher: For your design assignment, you may decide between suspension bridges, truss bridges, beam bridges, just not Beau Bridges. [silence] And people say engineers don't have a sense of humor. [Sheldon raises his hand] Yes?
Sheldon: What are Beau Bridges?
Professor Boucher: That's all for today.