George: Thanks for having me on.
Anchor: You're welcome. Now, I understand you wanted to set the record straight regarding your son's communism.
George: Yes. N-No! He's not a communist. He's ten years old. Listen, I fought for this country.
I love this country. My kids love this country. Isn't that right, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes. Although, in all fairness, the Social Security system is a form of-
George: You love this country!
Sheldon: I love this country.

Sheldon: Hello.
Ms. Fenley: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'd like to learn to play the violin.
Ms. Fenley: Really? Well, that's terrific. Do you have any experience with stringed instruments?
Sheldon: Stringed instruments, no. String theory, yes. That was a joke. I'm a joker.

Sheldon: Sorry I'm late. Shalom.

Rabbi Schneiderman: Hello, this is Rabbi Schneiderman. To whom am I speaking?
Sheldon: Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Hello, Sheldon. Um, how can I help you?
Sheldon: I'm currently a Baptist and I'd like to convert to Judaism.
Rabbi Schneiderman: A Baptist named Sheldon. Okay. And why do you want to convert?
Sheldon: Very simple. It's my intention to become a great scientist and I couldn't help but notice most of the great scientists are Jewish, so logic dictates it's time to switch teams.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Well, I'm sure there are many Baptist scientists you could emulate.
Sheldon: That's kind of you to say, but other than Cornelius Drebbel in the 1500s, it's pretty slim pickings.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Well, Sheldon, you sound like a very smart young man.
Sheldon: Oh, you have no idea.

Sheldon: Thank you, but I will no longer be needing these.
Ms. Fenley: You're giving up so soon? What happened? Did it hurt your fingers?
Sheldon: No. I'm following the advice of a very wise Rabbi Schneiderman from Temple Judea in Houston.
Ms. Fenley: Is this another one of your jokes?
Sheldon: No. If it were a joke, your mouth would be open and the sound "ha-ha" would be coming out.

Ms. Ingram: Mm-hmm. I'll tell him. Sheldon, you need to go to the principal's office.
Students: Ooh!
Sheldon: You do that every time. Why?

George: So what's this mean?
Principal Petersen: It means he pitched a perfect game, George. I've already gotten calls from colleges who want to meet him.
George: For, like, scholarships and stuff?
Principal Petersen: For everything! They might even pay you to get him.
George: My man!
Sheldon: When was the last time you washed your hands?
George: Come on!

George: And not just that. Colleges are already sniffing around to recruit him.
Mary: What do you mean, colleges? He's ten.
Sheldon: Principal Petersen said Caltech is interested.
Mary: Where's Caltech?
Sheldon: California, Mom.
Mary: California?!
Meemaw: It has "Cal" right there in the name.
Mary: You're not a part of this conversation.
Sheldon: The "tech" is for "technology."

Sheldon: I may be the luckiest boy in East Texas.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know it's Thursday, so dinner will be spaghetti and hot dogs. And, for fun, I have a few episodes of Cosmos recorded.
Sheldon: Forget "maybe." I am the luckiest boy.

Dr. John Sturgis: In my dreams, I'm usually running for my life from a giant praying mantis.
Sheldon: That's the insect where the female eats the male after mating?
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.
Sheldon: I think I understand why you're not married.

Principal Petersen: [screams]
Sheldon: [screams]
Principal Petersen: What are you doing, standing there?
Sheldon: I wrote a formal complaint letter to the school board on how much money is spent on football. I was hoping you could deliver it to them.
Principal Petersen: You do realize your father's a coach here.
Sheldon: Yes, sir, I do.
Principal Petersen: Maybe you ought to talk to him about this first.
Sheldon: I did. He didn't care for the idea at all.
Principal Petersen: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: There I go what?
Principal Petersen: Let me see that. "Barbaric sport encourages bloodlust similar to Roman gladiator games Christians, lions money better spent on science and learning." You're joking, right?
Sheldon: Did you see the word "bazinga" anywhere in that letter?
Principal Petersen: Out.

Sheldon: Hello, I'd like to speak to the mayor, please. My name is Sheldon Cooper. I'm running for class president and was hoping he could give me some advice. I'm ten years old. But if it helps get him on the phone, I'm well-behaved, a straight-A student, and have impeccable hygiene.

Mayor Harrison: Hello. This is Mayor Harrison. I understand you are running for office.
Sheldon: Class president. Do you have any advice on how to win?
Mayor Harrison: The most important thing is to get out there and connect with people.
Sheldon: That's tricky. I'm not terribly fond of people.
Mayor Harrison: Well, you might need to get over that.
Sheldon: Assuming I can, how do I connect with them?
Mayor Harrison: A friendly handshake is a great start.
Sheldon: Oh, boy. Now I have to touch them?

Sheldon: Hello. I'm Sheldon Cooper, and I'm running for class president.
Abby: Yeah?
Sheldon: I understand you had a baby last year. If you bring it in, I'll try to kiss it.

Sheldon: Vote Sheldon for class president. Don't worry It's a number two. You can use it on standardized tests.
Nell Cavanaugh: Okay.
Sheldon: And, of course, homework. I love homework.
Nell Cavanaugh: Well, it's so nice to finally meet you. I'm Nell Cavanaugh.
Sheldon: My opponent. I would shake your hand, but my mom is washing my mittens.
Nell Cavanaugh: Okay.