Adult Sheldon: Trying to outsmart my own thought patterns proved to be challenging. It's understandable, as smart as I was, I was also that smart. I wondered if I could invent a mind control device, but that sounded a little too "mwah ha ha" even for me. It turned out the device I was looking for had been in my presence the entire time. Television. It had been tranquilizing the minds of America's youth for generations, and it was just what I needed.
Man: [on TV] Lift off.
Sheldon: Too interesting. [turns to The Three Stooges] Too violent. [turns to game show involving slime] I don't think so.
Bob Ross: [on TV] Now, then, let's build us a little cloud. Clouds are very free. Very, very free. Tell you what. Shoot, that was so much fun, let's get crazy...
Sheldon: Who's this bohemian?

Adult Sheldon: The next day, armed with the sage advice of my father, my brother, and an executed murderer, I was allowed to retake the test.
Dr. Linkletter: You have 45 minutes starting now.
Sheldon: [inner monologue] Okay, just do it. Just do it. Just turn your brain off and do it. Is it off? Am I doing it? Wait, if I'm thinking it's off, then it must still be on. I'm trying too hard. Don't overthink, just do it. Just do it, just...
Dr. Linkletter: Time's up.
Sheldon: But I didn't do it.
Dr. Linkletter: Waste my morning? You did it.

Sheldon: Another fun footwear slogan is "I'm Buster Brown. I live in a shoe. That's my dog Tige. Look for him there, too."
George Sr.: Mm, I think mine is more helpful.
Sheldon: Well, mine rhymes, so...

George Sr.: Hey. [Sheldon groans] What's your problem?
Sheldon: I don't want to talk about it.
George Sr.: Great.
Sheldon: I had a mental block on a test and it was something that I absolutely know how to do.
George Sr.: Oh, you know, that sort of thing happens in sports, too.
Sheldon: I know. It's called the yips, and it's a very silly name for a very serious problem.
George Sr.: Well, you know, the best thing to do is get out of your head.
Sheldon: How do I do that?
George Sr.: Just turn your brain off.
Sheldon: It's like I'm not even your son.

Dr. Linkletter: [to Meemaw] I admire your bravado.
Sheldon: In this case, isn't it the feminine, "bravada"?
Dr. Linkletter: I've never heard the term "bravada." Let's just go with "chutzpah."
Sheldon: What's chutzpah?
Dr. Linkletter: It's like moxie.
Sheldon: Oh, I do like moxie.
Dr. Linkletter: [to Meemaw] I admire your moxie. However, I believe that nylon thread would be the best choice.
Sheldon: True, it's chemically inert and would allow more light to pass through.
Meemaw: Nylon thread. Done.
Dr. Linkletter: Brava. That one I know is a word.

Adult Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter wouldn't give me what I wanted. I couldn't tell on him to his mommy, but I could to his "work mommy."
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon. What can I do for you?
Sheldon: I can't make it to school today, and I'm concerned about the physics class I'm missing.
President Hagemeyer: And how come you're not here?
Sheldon: I was in a car accident with my meemaw.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Sheldon: Well...
[flashback:]
Sheldon: I can't believe you'd use my traumatic experience to manipulate people.
Missy: [echoing] Really? I can.
[present:]
Sheldon: ...and then her car had to get towed away. It was quite a traumatic experience.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, you poor thing. What can I do to help?

Sheldon: Hello.
Paige: What now?
Sheldon: What now?
Paige: What are you doing?
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Paige: Are you just gonna repeat everything I...
Sheldon: Are you just gonna repeat everything I say?
Paige: I, Sheldon Cooper...
Sheldon: I, Sheldon Cooper...
Paige: ...accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
Sheldon: ...accept Jesus Chr... [grunts]

Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Grant Linkletter.
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, Sheldon Cooper. I wanted to let you know I won't be in class today.
Dr. Linkletter: Is everything all right?
Sheldon: Yes, but in the interest of self-preservation, I've decided to avoid traveling in motor vehicles.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sure there's a story behind that.
Sheldon: There is.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't want to hear it.
Sheldon: So, how shall we handle today's class?
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I'm sure you can get notes from another student.
Sheldon: Or you could give the lecture to me right now.
Dr. Linkletter: That's preposterous.
Sheldon: Why? We could be creating a new model of education where students could learn remotely. It could be the wave of the future.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, it's your responsibility to come to class, not mine to bring the class to you.
Sheldon: My meemaw gets cranky like this when she's hungover. Is that what's happening here?

Adult Sheldon: People often ask why I was so resistant to getting a driver's license. My spotty history with motor vehicles was certainly a factor.
[flashback: Georgie driving Sheldon and Missy to the hospital:]
Sheldon: Please slow down.
George Jr.: I'm going eight miles an hour. A cow just passed us.
Missy: You're gonna hit it!
[flashback: George driving through a car wash with Sheldon:]
Sheldon: Make it stop!
George Sr.: It's just a car wash.
Sheldon: Do something!
George Sr.: It's just a car wash.
Sheldon: We're gonna die!
George Sr.: Just a car wash.
[flashback to Sheldon on a go kart:]
Sheldon: Why did I agree to this? I don't care for this at all.

Adult Sheldon: As long as I can remember, unlocking the mechanisms that govern the physical universe was my greatest passion.
Mary: Whatcha workin' on?
Sheldon: Dungeons & Dragons.
Adult Sheldon: Hey, even Hawking took a roll through the park once in a while.
Sheldon: I'm working on a new campaign to play with Tam and Billy.
Mary: You know how I feel about that game.
Sheldon: I'm aware, which is why the most wicked thing in it is my sense of humor. [doorbell rings]
Mary: [sighs] I still don't like it. But you are playing with other kids, so I'll take it as a win.
Adult Sheldon: Not just playing with other kids, controlling every aspect of their destiny as their Dungeon Master overlord. I didn't believe in God but I sure loved acting like one.

Mary: All right, baby, we're leaving here in a few minutes, but we'll be back on Sunday and your Meemaw will be here. [Sheldon doesn't respond] Sheldon?
Sheldon: What?
Mary: We're leaving.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Mary: To San Antonio.
Sheldon: When are you leaving?
Mary: In a few minutes.
Sheldon: When will you get back?
Mary: Sunday.
Sheldon: But who's going to watch us?
Mary: Meemaw.
Sheldon: Okay. Bye.
Mary: Can you at least give me a hug?
Sheldon: I can.

Sheldon: I don't want anything. I'm not hungry.
Meemaw: Well, what's the matter?
Sheldon: My friends were supposed to play Dungeons & Dragons with me, but they cancelled.
Meemaw: Aw. Sorry.
Dale: We can play it with you.
Sheldon: Really?
Meemaw: Dale, that's nice, but... I don't think you'll like it.
Dale: Afraid I might beat you?
Sheldon: Actually, there's no one winner. It's a cooperative game where you use your imagination to explore a fantasy world with the help of the Dungeon Master's pre-planned scenarios and the rolling of polyhedral dice.
Meemaw: Still sound fun?
Dale: Yeah. Sorta.

Meemaw: I think this might be my finest work.
Sheldon: And she made my dinner mittens, so that means a lot.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh. I can't thank you enough. Shall we apply the empirical method?
Meemaw: Yes, the empirical method. Let's apply that.

Sheldon: Normally I don't like facial hair, but Spock makes it work.

Sheldon: I never thought a sphere suspended in mineral oil could be so exciting.
Dr. Linkletter: Eight minutes and it hasn't moved. So far so good.
Sheldon: Oh, boy, my heart is pounding. I hope I don't turn into an adrenaline junkie.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon. How wonderfully early it is to see you. If you've come by for a snack, I picked you up some crackers shaped like fish.
Sheldon: I just wanted to let you know that I don't need you to babysit me. I'm perfectly self-reliant.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. I'm not very comfortable around children, even with your level of maturity. How old are you? Six? Seven?
Sheldon: Eleven.
Dr. Linkletter: I see. Then it's good I kept the receipt for this bottle of bubbles shaped like a bear.
Sheldon: I should get going. My philosophy class starts in a few minutes.
Dr. Linkletter: Ah, yes, the great thinkers. Socrates, Plato. Speaking of which, I got you some Play-Doh.

Sheldon: [answers phone] Hello?
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, it's Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: I'm watching Star Trek: The Original Series.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry, I'm not up on my cartoons.
Sheldon: It's not a cartoon. It's a live-action science fiction show. Although there is one called Star Trek: The Animated Series.
Dr. Linkletter: I believe you. I was wondering if I can speak with your mommy.
Sheldon: Sure. Hold on. [shouts] Mom, Dr. Linkletter's on the phone. [on the phone] While we wait, here's a fun fact. In the animated series, Kukulkan was played by James Doohan.
Mary: [on the line] Hello?
Sheldon: James Doohan played Scotty on Star Trek: The Original Series.
Mary: Sheldon, I've got it.
Sheldon: He tried several accents before settling on Scottish.
Mary: Sheldon, hang up.
Sheldon: Okay. He felt the Scots were excellent engineers. Bye.

Meemaw: What's going on in there?
Sheldon: This is a prototype of a solar neutrino detector. We need to keep the sphere suspended precisely in the scintillator.
Dr. Linkletter: Speaking of scintillating...
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry. [the sphere falls]
Sheldon: Darn it.
Dr. Linkletter: Ah, the oil must've dissolved the adhesive.
Meemaw: Well... ready to hit the road?
Sheldon: Please, not yet. We're so close to cracking this.
Dr. Linkletter: Just ten more minutes?
Meemaw: Fine.
Sheldon: Oh, boy.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes!

Sheldon: Help me with my clothes.
Missy: Burn them and get new ones.
Sheldon: Please, it's freshman orientation. I want to make a good impression.
Missy: Fine.
Sheldon: Which bow tie says mature enough to be in college but whimsical enough to discuss which came first, the Higgs field or the photon?
Missy: They both say weird kid who eats alone.
Sheldon: Come on. I know you're concerned about what you'll wear to middle school.
Missy: [sighs] Show me again. The blue one. Plaid's too busy.
Sheldon: Thanks.
Missy: Or don't be the kid in a bow tie.
Sheldon: This is not the day to go crazy.

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] One can choose the extended-zone scheme, the reduced-zone scheme or the...
Sheldon: Hand-raise.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes?
Sheldon: I set you up on speakerphone, so now it's really like I'm learning in the future.
Dr. Linkletter: May I continue?
Sheldon: Ahead warp factor five. That's from Star Trek, which is also in the future.