Mary: Oh. Look, a chore chart. I made one of those. Y'all ignored it.
Missy: They don't ignore it if you stop feeding them.
Georgie: That was a long weekend.
Missy: Georgie, bathroom.
Georgie: Thank you.
Missy: Crowded house, one bathroom. We needed a schedule.

Sheldon: While Dad's gone, I'm the man of the house, and the man of the house has to enforce the rules.
Missy: The man of the house is about to get his teeth knocked out.
Sheldon: Puberty's made you mean.
Missy: I need to know what happened on my show.
Sheldon: And you'll find out when your privileges are restored.
Missy: I can't wait that long, each episode builds on the last. Imagine a Star Trek that ends with "to be continued," and you don't get to continue.
Sheldon: That would never happen, because I follow the rules.
Missy: You are this close to a purple nurple.
Sheldon: [covers nipples] You leave my nurples alone.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.

Georgie: What kind of homework is it?
Missy: Grammar.
Georgie: I ain't great with grammar.
Missy: Well, grammar's just talking, and we both talk good.

Mary: Are you ready for your surprise?
George: I sure am.
Mary: Okay. [German accent] Hello, you handsome American boy toy. I am Helga. Do you like what you see?
George: [German accent] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [both laugh]
[Sheldon unlocks the front door and walks into the house]
Sheldon: Hello?
Mary: [o.s.] Are you sure your wife won't come home?
George: [o.s.] [laughs] I'm sure.
[Sheldon knocks on his parents' bedroom door and then opens it]
George: [o.s.] Yeah, yeah. [Mary laughs] Oh, Helga.
Adult Sheldon: I never talked to my father about what I saw that day, but, from then on, I added extra knocks so people could get their pants on.

Sheldon: Mark my words, string theory is going to be the next big thing.
Mary: What does it do?
Sheldon: It explains the fundamental forces of the universe. How everything works, where everything came from.
Mary: I know where it all came from. [points to the heavens]
Sheldon: Mother, we're in the sky. Why are you pointing up?

Pilot: [v.o.] Sorry for the delay. We hope to be wheels up in about 20 minutes.
Sheldon: That's what he said 20 minutes ago.
Mary: Nothing we can do.
Sheldon: If we don't take off soon, we'll miss our connecting flight to Houston.
Mary: It's out of our hands. I'd tell you whose hands it's in, but you don't like that.