Meemaw: I'll get it for her. I don't mind wasting my money.
Missy: [o.s.] Please?
Mary: Fine. But you are not wearing it to school, and you are not wearing it without tights.
Missy: [o.s.] Love you.
Meemaw: Hey, I'm the one paying for it.
Missy: [o.s.] Love you more.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Hear that?

Mary: [scoffs] Oh, look at these prices. I could make this dress for Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] Meemaw, make her stop.
Meemaw: Come on, Mary. You already got one kid that gets picked on.

Missy: I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.
Meemaw: You have to! You can't let them win. But wear pants. This is hard to look at.
Missy: I heard women in Europe don't shave. Maybe I should move there.
Meemaw: They also drink warm beer. They don't know what they're doing.
Missy: Will you show me how to do it the right way?
Meemaw: Shave? Yeah. Drink? Your dad's the expert.
Missy: Boys have it so easy. They can be as hairy as they want.
Meemaw: Yeah, but they gotta walk around being dumb and smelly all the time. Who wants that?
Missy: So I have to shave forever, then marry someone who's dumb and smelly?
Meemaw: Not necessarily, but... there's a good chance.
Missy: That's depressing.
Meemaw: That's where the drinking comes in.

Missy: You're good at Band-Aids.
Meemaw: I've had practice on Sheldon. He's a fragile boy.

Meemaw: [to Mary] Sorry. No. [to Sheldon] And what do you want?
Sheldon: For you to go on a bus with me to a comic book convention in Texarkana.
Meemaw: [laughing] God, no.

George Sr.: [on the phone] Hey, I'm here by myself. Why don't you come by?
Meemaw: I'm good.
George Sr.: What, you'd rather sit in the dark than hang out with me?
Meemaw: I got candles. I'm gonna get some takeout. I'm good.
George Sr.: Ooh. Well, I could come over. We could...
Meemaw: No. Bye. [hangs up]

George Sr.: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey.
George Sr.: Oh. [sighs] Hi, Connie.
Meemaw: Is your power out?
George Sr.: No. Yours?
Meemaw: Well, I just like asking everybody that question. Of course it's out.
George Sr.: Don't yell at me.
Meemaw: I'm not yelling at you. It's just such a stupid question. Maybe it's just my side of the street.

Meemaw: [enters] Where's Georgie?
George Sr.: In the garage.
Meemaw: Disco ball, my ass.
George Sr.: [chuckles] What's going on?
Meemaw: It's a gambling room, not a damn dance club, that's what's going on. Georgie!
Missy: [gets up] I want to watch that show.

Wade: I think it's pretty.
Meemaw: Nobody asked you, Wade.
June: We may need to have a chat about customer service.
Meemaw: We're gonna have a chat about a lot of things, starting with how come you're redecorating without even asking me.
June: I'm a partner.
Meemaw: A silent partner.
June: Hey, I can help here.
George Jr.: She's got some good ideas.
Meemaw: So, you're on her side now?
George Jr.: A good idea's a good idea, who cares where it comes from.
June: Thank you. And I like your idea about putting a dartboard in the corner.
Meemaw: Oh. So, this is how it's gonna be? Fine. When Wade here takes a dart to the head, don't come crying to me.
Wade: I don't want a dart in the head.

George Jr.: Well, is she a partner forever or just until she gets her money back?
Meemaw: I don't know.
George Jr.: Seems like an important question to ask.
Meemaw: Well, I didn't ask it.
George Jr.: All this yelling can't be good for your blood pressure.
Meemaw: You're right. I think I'm just gonna step outside and have a cigarette.
George Jr.: Smoking ain't any better.
Meemaw: Good. Perhaps the end is near.

Meemaw: How did this happen?
June: I got three bananas, and it asked me if I wanted to parlay, and I said, "Well, that sounds like fun," so I hit that button, and I went, "Whoo-hoo!" 'cause I won.
Meemaw: [laughs] This has got to be a glitch. Go get a manual and-and-and look up "glitch."
George Jr.: We have a manual?
Meemaw: Just find one.

Mary: You are unbelievable. It is bad enough for you to do all this stuff, but then to drag Georgie down into your den of sin.
Meemaw: Oh, please, it's not a den of sin. Although that is a great name. Den of Sin. That would get some butts in seats. [Mary exclaims]

Mary: Are you running a gambling room in the back of the Laundromat?
Meemaw: What? No.
Mary: Peg says she was there last night.
Meemaw: Oh, "gambling room." Yeah.

Mary: What are you thinking? You know gambling is illegal.
Meemaw: Why do you care how people spend their money?
Mary: Gambling destroys lives.
Meemaw: That's what you say about booze. I think it's an excellent pairing. [drinks]

June: I got to admit, I'm a little jealous.
Meemaw: Of what?
June: You.
Meemaw: Why?
June: You have the Dale I never got. I spent a lot of time polishing that turd, and you get all the benefits.
Meemaw: Hey, I put my time in on that, too.
June: Not as much as me.
Meemaw: When I met him, he was a mess.
June: [laughs] You should've seen where I started.
Meemaw: Well, I think we can both agree, he is one lucky turd.
June: Amen, sister.

Meemaw: So, how's it going? Do you have anybody to help you out?
June: Oh, yeah. [picks up pill bottle] These little guys. Elvis was onto something.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Till he keeled over on the toilet.
June: He was the king. That was his throne.
Meemaw: [laughs] Seriously, now, though, if you need anything at all, we are here for you.
Dale: That's right. 100%. [Meemaw slaps Dale]
Meemaw: Would you stop?
Dale: I was being sincere.
Meemaw: Well, that's for the next dumb thing you say.
Dale: Well, just quit hitting me, would you?
Meemaw: Well, quit being stupid.

June: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey, June. Connie. Just wanted to see if you need anything.
June: Nah, I'm good, but thank you, though.
Meemaw: You sure? Groceries? Dishes? Help in the shower?
June: Damn it, Dale.

Meemaw: How much did Dale pay you?
George Jr.: Uh, minimum wage plus five percent commission.
Meemaw: I'll give you half of that.
George Jr.: So, two and a half percent commission?
Meemaw: No, half of the minimum wage part.
George Jr.: What about a percentage of these?
Meemaw: [laughs] Yeah, right.
George Jr.: I'm serious. If it wasn't for me, none of this would be happening.
Meemaw: I'm your grandmother. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be happening.

Jake: I've heard that in cash businesses such as this, that some owners can benefit by having a strong relationship with their local police department.
Meemaw: What are you getting at?
Jake: I'm just wondering if there's something you can do to incur good will.
Meemaw: Are you shaking me down?
Jake: No.
Meemaw: Are you hitting on me?
Jake: No! Uh... I'm just saying I've heard some business owners like to invest in local law enforcement.
Meemaw: You are shaking me down.
Jake: It's a gray area.

Jake: Hey, there, Connie.
Meemaw: What do you want?
Jake: Is that any way to greet an officer of the law?
Meemaw: Sorry. What do you want?
Jake: I hear you're back in business.
Meemaw: We're not breaking any laws. [chuckles] People are just winning these prizes.
Jake: That you buy back for cash.
Meemaw: It's a gray area.