Meemaw: You look like crap.
Mary: Thanks.
Meemaw: You go out drinking last night?
Mary: Of course not.
Meemaw: 'Cause when I look that bad, I been out drinkin'.

Meemaw: But hearing you boys go on about it did remind me of Pop Pop.
Sheldon: What did he used to say?
Meemaw: [chuckles] I wish I could remember. But he did get all excited about it, like you.
Sheldon: Well, at least I have Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter to share my enthusiasm.

Sheldon: I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
Meemaw: Not exactly.
Sheldon: Why?
Meemaw: Why? After Frick and Frack found out I was single, they got all weird.
Sheldon: What do you mean? All they did was discuss Asimov.
Meemaw: Sure. Maybe I misread the situation.

Dr. John Sturgis: I read it as well. I found it quite compelling. A planet that only experiences nightfall once every 2,000 years.
Dr. Linkletter: And once it does, it drives everyone mad. Brilliant.
Sheldon: I found the tension between the scientists and the religious cultists reminiscent of some dinnertime conversations at my house. [laughter]
Dr. John Sturgis: What did you think, Connie?
Meemaw: Eh...
Sheldon: You didn't like it?
Meemaw: I don't need a story set on some outer space planet to tell me that people freak out about change.
Dr. Linkletter: Interesting.
Meemaw: People lost it when women started wearing pants and getting jobs. Everybody just overreacts to everything.

Sheldon: All right, I would like to call the first meeting of the Isaac Asimov book club to order. I'm assuming everyone's read Nightfall?
[Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis both hold up their copies of the book]
Meemaw: I read it. [chuckles] I may have dozed off a few times, but I read it.

Adult Sheldon: I was envious of my meemaw. That night, she would get to experience one of my favorite stories for the very first time.
Meemaw: [v.o.] "If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations, the remembrance of the city of God?" [outloud] What?!

Sheldon: How are you holding up?
Meemaw: With what?
Sheldon: The death of Isaac Asimov.
Meemaw: Who?
Sheldon: Pop Pop's favorite science fiction writer, remember?
Meemaw: [chuckles] At this rate, you're lucky I remember Pop Pop.
Sheldon: Well, he gave me Asimov's Foundation trilogy for my fifth birthday.
Meemaw: I remember he used to try to get me to read that stuff. Boring!
Sheldon: Boring? Asimov invented the laws of robotics and the concept of a galactic empire.
Meemaw: If a book doesn't have a shirtless guy with long hair on the cover, I ain't reading it.
Sheldon: You're missing out.
Meemaw: I'm really not.

Meemaw: So... your little girlfriend Mandy came by today, and she is pissed.
George Jr.: This is what I get for telling her.
Meemaw: No, this is what you get for lying to her.
George Jr.: I don't need you yelling at me, too.
Meemaw: Well, she was yelling at me, so now I'm yelling at you.
George Jr.: Just because you're having men problems, please don't take it out on me.
Meemaw: ... All I'm saying is you really messed up.
George Jr.: I apologized. Why are we still talking about this?
Meemaw: Georgie, just think how you'd feel if someday somebody did that to your sister.

George Sr.: Surprised you're here. Figured you'd be out with your little girlfriend.
George Jr.: Well, I'm not.
Meemaw: Uh-oh. Did somebody find out how old you are?
Missy: Ooh, what does that mean?
George Jr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Meemaw: What it means is, your brother over here has been going out with an older woman and lying about his age.
Mary: Georgie!
George Jr.: It don't matter. I told her the truth, and she dumped me.

Meemaw: And by the way, you can tell your friend Dale that I want my stuff back.
George Sr.: I'm not getting in the middle of this.
Meemaw: 'Cause I left my purple bra over at his place.
Missy: I want a purple bra.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: And if I'm gonna start dating again, I'm gonna need that.
George Sr.: Somebody else needs to talk.
Sheldon: Did you know that Leonard Nimoy takes pictures of...
George Sr.: Georgie?

Meemaw: Oh, for God's sake, take off that stupid Ballard shirt.
George Sr.: Oh, look, Connie's here.
Mary: [sighs] She's upset about Dale.
Meemaw: I ain't upset about jack squat.

Mary: You keep saying you're okay. Are you?
Meemaw: I'm better than okay.
Mary: Great. Glad to hear it.
Meemaw: You know what it's like? You see these peanuts? Two of them stuck together in the shell. Trapped. And then, you look here at this one, all on its own. Solo. Happy.
Mary: So, you're a solo peanut?
Meemaw: Mm, damn straight. As a matter of fact... [snaps peanut in half] Enjoy your freedom.
Mary: Well, if you're happy, I'm happy.
Meemaw: I am. Maybe not as happy as this threesome going on here. [holds up peanut]
Mary: Mom.

Mary: [sighs] I appreciate you picking Missy up from school, but she does not need to hear about your love life.
Meemaw: She's got to learn sometime.
Mary: Learn what?
Meemaw: That men suck.
Mary: Not all men... do that.
Meemaw: Suck. Say it.
Mary: No.
Meemaw: I want Missy back.

Meemaw: You're the one who told me to go out and have fun with my money.
Dale: I meant something fun for us.
Meemaw: Why us? It's my money.
Dale: You made that perfectly clear.
Meemaw: It's just a car.
Dale: It's not just a car. I think you got scared.
Meemaw: Scared of what?
Dale: I was talking about our future, and you panicked.
Meemaw: I think I've got a successful business and my own money and you can't handle it.
Dale: Oh, really?
Meemaw: Yeah. Really.
Waitress: What can I get started for you?
Dale: Actually, I think we're leaving.
Meemaw: I'm not going anywhere.
Dale: I'll have the enchiladas.

Dale: Hey. What are you doing here?
Meemaw: I came to take you to dinner.
Dale: Really? Uh, I'll grab my keys.
Meemaw: No need. I'll drive tonight. But you might want to grab a jacket.

Meemaw: Mandy seems nice.
George Jr.: She's all right.
Meemaw: Things getting serious?
George Jr.: I don't know. Why?
Meemaw: Just wondering when you were gonna tell her your real age.
George Jr.: Age ain't nothing but a number.
Meemaw: Yeah, well, her number's way bigger than your number.
George Jr.: You ain't never lied about your age?
Meemaw: I'm a lady. Different rules.
George Jr.: It's not a big deal. We're just having fun.
Meemaw: Yeah, well, before you have too much fun, you better tell her.
George Jr.: That sounds less fun.
Meemaw: Welcome to being an adult. It sucks.

George Jr.: Hey, y'all.
Meemaw: Well, speak of the devil.
George Jr.: What's going on, ladies?
Meemaw: Just getting to know Mandy here.
Mandy: Yeah, I was telling her about San Antonio.
George Jr.: Oh, she's from Texas. She knows all about that stuff. Anyways, I'll let you get back to work.
Meemaw: Well, I'll leave you two kids be. And listen to me, calling you young adults "kids." [chuckles] Like you were still teenagers or something.
Mandy: I wish. [chuckles]

Mary: It's not like I don't want to be fun, but I feel like I am the only one holding the family together.
Meemaw: Mary, can I point out that you weren't exactly like this when y'all got married?
Mary: So? I'm not allowed to grow?
Meemaw: Apart? Okay.

Mary: He just took the ticket and stormed off. I don't know why he cares so much about a dishwasher.
Meemaw: Maybe it ain't about the dishwasher.
Mary: Well, what is it, then?
Meemaw: Mary, I love you, but sometimes it's kind of like you're waging a war on fun.
Mary: Why? Because I have values? Well, too bad because they're not going away.
Meemaw: Oh, and fun is down for the count.

Missy: I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.
Meemaw: You have to! You can't let them win. But wear pants. This is hard to look at.
Missy: I heard women in Europe don't shave. Maybe I should move there.
Meemaw: They also drink warm beer. They don't know what they're doing.
Missy: Will you show me how to do it the right way?
Meemaw: Shave? Yeah. Drink? Your dad's the expert.
Missy: Boys have it so easy. They can be as hairy as they want.
Meemaw: Yeah, but they gotta walk around being dumb and smelly all the time. Who wants that?
Missy: So I have to shave forever, then marry someone who's dumb and smelly?
Meemaw: Not necessarily, but... there's a good chance.
Missy: That's depressing.
Meemaw: That's where the drinking comes in.