Mary: [on the phone] Everything okay?
George Sr.: Sheldon locked himself in a broom closet, and he's refusing to go to class.
Mary: What's he doing in a closet?
George Sr.: Apparently, learning about Russia.
Mary: Well, what do you want me to do?
George Sr.: I want you to handle it.
Mary: You're right there why can't you handle it?
George Sr.: 'Cause I'm at work.
Mary: So am I.
George Sr.: You know what I mean.
Mary: That you have a real job and I don't?
George Sr.: Mary, I have football practice in ten minutes, and I I don't have time to deal with this.
Mary: Well, you're gonna have to, 'cause I'm busy. [hangs up]
Peg: You tell him, sister.

Mary: I thought you were gonna take out the garbage.
George Sr.: I'm sorry. I was under the impression you did everything around here.
Mary: You really want to start this again?
George Sr.: I contribute plenty, and it wouldn't kill you to show a little appreciation.
Mary: I'll be sure to do that as soon as I finish the laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming, the grocery shopping and helping Missy with her homework.
George Sr.: You like how my job pays for all the bills, right?
Mary: Stop acting like you're the only one with a job.

Mary: Hi, Pastor Jeff. Everything okay?
Pastor Jeff: I'm in trouble. Robin just got here. She looks nice, and she smells even nicer.
Mary: Come on, now. Uh, nothing smells better than eternal salvation.

George Sr.: How'd you like to go out for dinner on Friday? Just you and me.
Mary: Why?
George Sr.: 'Cause you're my wife.
Mary: I was your wife last Friday, and we didn't go to dinner.
George Sr.: Mary, I'm asking you on a date.
Mary: Okay.
George Sr.: [chuckles] Is that a yes?
Mary: Sure.
George Sr.: All right, then.
Mary: If you did something stupid, I'm gonna find out.

George Sr.: So, this is nice, huh?
Mary: Yes.
George Sr.: [long silence, sighs] Lemon in the water.
Mary: It's weird to look at a menu and not have to wonder what Sheldon won't eat.
George Sr.: It got easier when he printed that card for my wallet.
Mary: Still don't know where he got that laminated.

Mary: I suppose there's a challenging aspect to them.
George Sr.: There you go. See? Feels good to say it out loud, right?
Mary: Maybe a little.
George Sr.: Hey. Think about how clean the house would be if it was just us.
Mary: Oh, my. [chuckling] So, what did they do in the bathroom?

Mary: Have you heard from Dr. Sturgis at all?
Meemaw: No. Can you believe the hospital's still holding him for observation?
Mary: Can't you?

Meemaw: I mean, I'm worried about him. I don't know how serious this is.
Mary: The whole year you were together did you see any, um warning signs?
Meemaw: No. Not really. I just thought he was another, [chuckles] you know, cute, quirky egghead like Sheldon. Speaking of which, when are you gonna tell Sheldon the truth about John?
Mary: Mm. When the time is right.
Meemaw: So he still thinks he's being treated for mono?
Mary: I had to come up with something contagious so he wouldn't want to visit.

Meemaw: Smart.
Mary: Thank you.
Meemaw: You're good at lying. You should do it more often.
Mary: I like your earrings.

Edwin: Okay. What do we got here? Farmhouse Kitchen. Garfield Hangs Out. The Complete Guide to Your Child's Mental-
Mary: Oh, look, that cute little book light I'll get that, too. [chuckles nervously]
Edwin: Okay. You still want the crazy kid book, right?
Mary: Yeah.

Sheldon: My mother believes I'm mentally unstable. And since there's a genetic component and I'm her child, I suppose it's possible.
Mary: I know you're angry right now, but you will not be disrespectful.
Sheldon: You know, fits of rage are a classic sign of psychosis.
Mary: Oh, you haven't seen fits of rage yet!

Sheldon: I don't see the point of this.
Mary: I just don't think it could hurt for us to talk to someone.
Sheldon: But I could be home right now wearing a blindfold, mittens and nose plug - doing something important.
Mary: You know what? Maybe you should mention the blindfold and mittens to the doctor.
Sheldon: Or maybe I'll mention how you think that God speaks to you, because I find that concerning.
Mary: He does speak to me, and right now he's saying I should wash your mouth out with soap.
Sheldon: Violent fantasies. Interesting.

Mary: Baby, there's something I need to tell you. Dr. Sturgis is not in the kind of hospital you think he is.
Sheldon: What kind of hospital is he in?
Mary: The psychiatric kind.
Sheldon: Why? What's going on?
Mary: He was having some issues, but he's getting the help he needs, and I'm sure he's gonna be fine.
Sheldon: And you think since he and I are both gifted, I'm going to end up like him?
Mary: Well, it it crossed my mind. Sheldon, you're my baby. It is my job to worry about you. I can't help it.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I cause you so much concern.
Mary: I'm not. Oh. [hugging Sheldon]
Dr. Goetsch: See how valuable a little communication can be?
Mary: You do not take credit for this.

Pastor Jeff: We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore.
Mary: In the '50s, people had separate beds. Lucy and Ricky did it. Their marriage worked.

George Sr.: They area weird-looking couple.
Mary: You want to eat at my mom's, too?
George Sr.: Oh, come on. You got eyes.

Mary: Ooh. Big TV, fancy.

Pastor Jeff: "Life is too short to be married to a loser. I'm leaving you. Love, Selena."
Mary: "Love, Selena"? Well, that's kind of a mixed message.

Officer Robbin: Are you his wife?
Mary: Oh, no, I'm church secretary. He's actually single.
Pastor Jeff: Well, technically-
Mary: He's single.

George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: Her mother's boyfriend has a drinking problem, and things have been getting out of hand.
George Sr.: You waited till I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?
Mary: You always have a beer.

Mary: You honestly think that little boy's ready for college?
George Sr.: Hey, I didn't think he was ready for high school, but here we are, a year and a half in, and no one got hurt.
Mary: That is different. He's got you and Georgie over there, and he's still living at home with his mother and his sister.
Meemaw: And me.
Mary: Sure.