Mary: You like chalkboards, huh?
Dr. John Sturgis: Indeed, I do.
Mary: Huh.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, I even have one in the bathroom. You never know when inspiration will strike.

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, and, uh if your meemaw asks how I did tonight, I hope you'll give me a positive review.
Sheldon: Three stars.
Dr. John Sturgis: Out of three?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful!

Sheldon: Who's the president of the United States?
Dr. John Sturgis: George Herbert Walker Bush.
Sheldon: I like Burgess Sturgis better.
Dr. John Sturgis: 'Cause it rhymes, sure.

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie. What are you doing here?
Meemaw: Well, I got a call from your friend Linkletter, and, uh I-I was a little worried about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: What did he say?
Meemaw: That you had some kind of scuffle with the campus security?
Dr. John Sturgis: No scuffle. I was using the university's mainframe, and they asked me to leave. Simple as that.
Meemaw: So nobody chased you?
Dr. John Sturgis: I was startled, and so I did what any normal person does under the circumstances: climb out a window and run like the dickens.

Dr. John Sturgis: This is wonderful. Did you know the term "dive bar" originated because many establishments were below street level, and patrons had to essentially dive down to enter them.
George: Didn't know that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, now you do.

Dr. John Sturgis: So, uh, the university has taken notice of Sheldon's talents, and they would very much like him to enroll full-time.
George: Yeah, we've been down this road, John. Sheldon's only ten. Mary and I both have jobs. We just can't make it work.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's why they asked me to speak to you. They're looking to sweeten the pot. That's a gambling metaphor. A lesser-known version is "sweeten the kitty." I assume the difference is regional, but I'm no etymologist. This beer is yummy. Mmm!

Dr. John Sturgis: So, I suppose I'll see you after class?
Meemaw: I suppose you will.
Dr. John Sturgis: Now, didn't she used to walk you to your seat?
Sheldon: She did, but she was younger then.
Dr. John Sturgis: That makes sense.

Dale: Howdy. Can I help you?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, no, just browsing.
Dale: Yeah, well, any particular sport you might need that for?
Dr. John Sturgis: Depends. What the heck is it?
Dale: It's a cup.
Dr. John Sturgis: A cup? What kind of a cup has holes in it?
Dale: Well, it protects your private parts.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I can see how that might be useful. Well, this has been very informative. Thank you.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm exploring the notion that time itself is quantized.
Sheldon: Interesting. That sounds like a step towards a unified field theory.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fingers crossed. Although I can't cross my fingers... arthritis. [laughs]

Dr. John Sturgis: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. It's Sheldon. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Dr. John Sturgis: Nah, just wondering what became of my career.
Sheldon: Oh. Should I call you back later?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, no. I can be downtrodden and chat at the same time. What's up?

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Hello.
Mary: Hello, Dr. Sturgis. This is Mary Cooper.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hi. Thanks for calling me back.
Mary: So, what's going on? Everything okay?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, everything is quite good, actually. Well, for me, that is. Um... did you know there's a supercollider being built in Waxahachie, Texas?
Mary: No.
Dr. John Sturgis: Do you know what a supercollider is?
Mary: Not really.
Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like a crash course? Which is humorous because it involves particles crashing into each other.
Mary: [on the phone] I'd like you to tell me what this has to do with Sheldon.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that part's less funny. I've taken a job there.

Meemaw: So how's everything going with your supercollider?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, up until Wednesday at 6:43, wonderful.
Meemaw: What happened at 6:43?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's when they fired me.
Meemaw: What? Why did they fire you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Eh, probably because of what happened at 6:14.
[flashback:]
Reporter: So, Dr. Sturgis, what would you say to local residents who are concerned about the supercollider's safety? Is there a chance that Waxahachie could be the next Chernobyl?
Dr. John Sturgis: Absolutely not. The supercollider is very different from a nuclear power plant. This can't melt down. The worst it could do would be to create a microscopic black hole.
Reporter: And what would that do?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it's unlikely, but, uh, it could grow until it swallowed up the entire Earth. And possibly the Moon. Next question.

Dr. John Sturgis: I've been doing science all my life. [stammers] It's time for something else.
Meemaw: Like what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe scrimshaw? That's, uh, carving art into whale bone.
Meemaw: You really want to spend your day carving a whale bone?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know what else I'd do with it.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, you're a scientist. This is just silly.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie... I'm 72 and just lost my dream job. [chuckles] Right now, uh... I think I need to, uh... take a step back.
Meemaw: The Texan in me wants to say get back on the horse. But I won't.

[fantasy:]
Dr. John Sturgis: [Southern accent] To us, it'd be as normal as boots on a cowboy.
Georgie: That is wild.
Missy: Dr. Sturgis is correct. If indeed we grew up in another universe, our sense of normality would be formed by that universe.
George: That's enough. There are no other universes. The Bible tells us God created the Earth, not the Earths.
Mary: Ugh, why did I have to marry a preacher?
George: Because it was God's will to bless us with union.
Mary: I hope it's his plan that I hit the clubs tonight, 'cause that's gonna happen. [laughs]
Sheldon: Why am I the only normal one in this family?
Missy: If you're the only normal one, statistically speaking, you're abnormal.
Georgie: [chuckles] Freak.

Meemaw: Thank you for walking me home.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's the gentlemanly thing to do. Although to be honest, if we were attacked, I'd be counting on you to get us out of it. [Meemaw chuckles]