Dr. Linkletter: Rule number one, no badmouthing each other to gain favor with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: Agreed. And whatever happens, we can't let it affect our working relationship.
Dr. Linkletter: Our working relationship is already antagonistic.
Dr. John Sturgis: True. What's next?
Dr. Linkletter: No using Sheldon to win points with Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: But he likes me better than you.
Dr. Linkletter: That's why I brought it up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine!

Dr. John Sturgis: So, I have a little surprise for you.
Meemaw: Oh, I love surprises. Whatcha got?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm going to learn to drive.
Meemaw: Really?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes. While I love having you be the dominant personality behind closed doors, I think out in public I ought to take on more of a macho role.
Meemaw: [LAUGHS] Well, you're macho enough for me, John, but I would enjoy not having to drive us all the time.
Dr. John Sturgis: Then it's settled.
Meemaw: Well, when do you start?
Dr. John Sturgis: As soon as you teach me.
Meemaw: Me? Do you really think that's a good idea?
Dr. John Sturgis: It's perfect. I teach you about science so you can impress your grandson, and you teach me to drive so I can impress you.
Meemaw: Okay, but if we do this, I'm in charge. You have to do what I say when and how I tell you to do it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hubba-hubba, it's like we're back in the bedroom.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm usually the one giving the tests, but, uh, today I'm taking one.
DMV Employee: No talking.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I usually say that to my students.

Dr. John Sturgis: What?
Meemaw: [QUIETLY] How's it going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you. There's no talking.
DMV Employee: No talking.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sorry.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry. I know I'm letting you down.
Meemaw: Oh, don't be silly. You're not letting me down. [CHUCKLES] I love you whether you can drive or not.
Dr. John Sturgis: You love me?
Meemaw: Well, I- I suppose I do.
Dr. John Sturgis: [LAUGHS] Am I allowed to reciprocate?
Meemaw: Sure, if that's the way you feel.
Dr. John Sturgis: [LAUGHS] Oh, it is. I love you, too, Connie.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLING] Well... That's just great.
Dr. John Sturgis: All righty.
Meemaw: Would you like to switch seats with me?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, but give me a minute because my legs are a little wobbly.
Meemaw: Is that from the yellow light or the "I love yous"?
Dr. John Sturgis: Both.

Dr. John Sturgis: In lighter news, your meemaw loves me.

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. Can you give me any advice on how to overcome a fear of public speaking?
Dr. John Sturgis: Ah, you know, when I was a young man I had a terrible fear of speaking to an audience.
Sheldon: What did you do?
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, it kinda took care of itself. One day I was, uh, playing miniature golf with some colleagues and I got struck by lightning.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it was fine. When I came to, I found myself with the gift of gab. Big crowds, small crowds, you couldn't shut me up.
Sheldon: I don't see how that can benefit me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not unless you'd like me to take you miniature golfing next time there are clouds on the horizon.

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes?
Meemaw: Could we do it just one more time?
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? I don't want you to get tired of it.
Meemaw: I won't. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I can't say no to you.
Meemaw: Fire in the hole. [Mary throws a biscuit and John catches it.] Unbelievable. Again, again.

Dr. John Sturgis: So, Sheldon, what did you think of your first theoretical physics class?
Sheldon: I think I'm gonna do this for the rest of my life.
Dr. John Sturgis: Good choice.

Meemaw: It's just mashed up avocados. I think you'd like it. And they do it right here at the table.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did they run out of room in the kitchen?
Meemaw: No, it's-it's like, you know, a show.
Dr. John Sturgis: Like Benihana.
Meemaw: Exactly.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't like Benihana.

Dr. John Sturgis: Don't feel bad, I enjoy a little gambling now and then.
Meemaw: Do you?
Dr. John Sturgis: I sat in your front seat, didn't I? Good, I made you laugh. Full disclosure, I wasn't trying to be funny. Still not trying.

Dr. John Sturgis: This is for you. It's cheese and summer sausages.
Mary: Thank you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Summer sausage means it doesn't need to be refrigerated.
Mary: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.

Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, do you think we're ever going to unify gravity with the other three fundamental forces?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have a sticky note on my refrigerator which reminds me every day to do just that.

Sheldon: When did you decide to focus your research on quantum-
Mary: Um, Sheldon, I think you're kind of dominating the conversation. Why don't you let your meemaw talk to Dr. Sturgis?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. By all means.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you. Connie?
Meemaw: Yes, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Do you smell like chlorine on purpose?

George Sr.: You sure I can't give you a ride home? I can throw your bike in the back of my pickup truck.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you, no. I enjoy the night air. Plus, hot dogs and spaghetti is a highly caloric event that demands an aerobic effort on my part.

Dr. John Sturgis: Next order of business. I would like to have dinner with you tonight, just the two of us.
Meemaw: Oh, well, that sounds nice. What'd you have in mind?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'd like to come to your house and cook you a Sichuan feast.
Meemaw: I'm sorry, a what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sichuan. It's a style of Chinese cooking I learned when I was traveling through China.
Meemaw: Well, wonderful. I would love that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great. Do you have a wok?
Meemaw: I do not.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a problem. I have a travel wok.

Meemaw: Uh, so, uh, what do you say about 6:00?
Dr. John Sturgis: It's a date.
Meemaw: Terrific.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, and, um, let's not mention this to Sheldon so as to keep him from being underfoot.
Meemaw: Have you been talking to him?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have. See you later.

Meemaw: Oh, my.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know, I look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Dr. John Sturgis: The trick to a successful Sichuan dinner is the Sichuan pepper.
Meemaw: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: Now, you may notice your lips and tongue getting numb.
Meemaw: Then why are we eating it?
Dr. John Sturgis: 'Cause it's yummy.

Meemaw: So, what were you doing wandering around China?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, when I'm not doing research or teaching, I enjoy taking the path less traveled.
Meemaw: I'm guessing it's a bike path.
Dr. John Sturgis: As a matter of fact, it was. Everybody in China rides bicycles. It's fantastic.
Meemaw: Did you see the Great Wall?
Dr. John Sturgis: I did. Interesting fact: it's filled with the dead bodies of the people who built it.
Meemaw: You don't say.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hundreds of thousands of them.