- Dr. John Sturgis
- Dale
- Tam
- Billy Sparks
- Brenda Sparks
- Dr. Linkletter
- Mr. Givens
- Ms. Ingram
- Ms. MacElroy
- Ms. Hutchins
Dr. John Sturgis Quotes
Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow
Sheldon: I think you tripped and hit your head.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm a bit woozy.
Sheldon: I better test for concussion. What's your name?
Dr. John Sturgis: John Burgess Sturgis.
Sheldon: Burgess Sturgis? Great name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.
Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey
Dr. Linkletter: John, where have you been hiding her?
Dr. John Sturgis: I haven't. I've talked about her quite a bit, but you all said she was a figment of my imagination.
Quote from the episode Babies, Lies and a Resplendent Cannoli
Dr. Linkletter: I can't believe you'd use our book club to hit on Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: And you didn't, Captain Cookies?
Dr. Linkletter: All right, if we're both gonna pursue her, let's lay down some ground rules.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fair enough.
Dr. Linkletter: And my ginger snaps are moist and delicious!
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
Quote from the episode A Box of Treasure and the Meemaw of Science
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] So tell me about this experiment.
Meemaw: Well, I don't know if you know this, but solar neutrinos are like little messengers from the center of the Sun.
Dr. John Sturgis: I did know that, but it's delightful to hear you say it.
Meemaw: Well, enjoy, 'cause that's about all I remember. [John laughs] So, what's new by you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, let's see... Uh, oh, yesterday I had my first breakfast burrito.
Meemaw: Mm. Good for you. How was it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Confusing. I ordinarily have burritos for lunch or dinner.
Meemaw: [laughs] I don't know how to respond to that.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're working on an experiment and I'm eating dinner for breakfast. It's a crazy world.
Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper
Dr. John Sturgis: [v.o.] Dear Connie, you may have heard I've taken a job at the new supercollider in Waxahachie. I wanted to tell you in person, but, uh, I was afraid you'd be upset. And, honestly... I was even more afraid you wouldn't be.
Meemaw: Oh, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: This also gives me an excuse to use my astronaut pen. I'm not upside-down, but if I was, it would still write. [laughs]
Quote from the episode A Lobster, an Armadillo and a Way Bigger Number
Dr. John Sturgis: Societal norms are different on road trips. Normally, I don't eat junk food, but here, it's tradition. I'm not even sure what a chicharron is.
Sheldon: It's the deep-fried skin of a pig.
Dr. John Sturgis: That seems like something they should say on the bag.
Quote from the episode A Box of Treasure and the Meemaw of Science
Dr. John Sturgis: [answers phone] John Sturgis.
Meemaw: Hey, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie. So nice to hear from you.
Meemaw: You'll never guess what I'm doing.
Dr. John Sturgis: Tell me.
Meemaw: I am working on a solar neutrino detector.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wow. I was gonna guess making soft-boiled eggs. [both chuckle]
Meemaw: Yeah, Sheldon and Linkletter asked me to help them out.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. Linkletter's involved.
Meemaw: Oh, well, he's not so bad.
Dr. John Sturgis: [laughs] You and he aren't...?
Meemaw: Oh, no, no, no. I'm still seeing Dale.
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay, good. I can handle you with a guy who sells volleyballs, but you with another scientist, that'd be like a dagger in the heart.
Meemaw: [chuckles] No daggers here.
Quote from the episode An Expensive Glitch and a Goof-Off Room
Dr. John Sturgis: You see, humans have evolved as social animals, so your feeling hurt might be a deep evolutionary desire to cooperate with others to ensure your survival.
Sheldon: So, you're saying it makes sociobiological sense to want other people to like me?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, and you may even get benefits from it. It's like on that show you enjoy, Star Track.
Sheldon: Trek.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right. Captain Kirk can't do it all by himself. He needs Doctor Spock.
Sheldon: Mister.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right. And Mister McCoy.
Sheldon: Doctor.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right.
Sheldon: Well, technically, they were his subordinate officers, but Kirk did always deal with them in a friendly manner, so I take your point.
Dr. John Sturgis: Good man.
Sheldon: I suppose I could treat it like an experiment. Run an analysis of the benefits of having people like me.
Dr. John Sturgis: That sounds like an idea the Captain, the Doctor, or the Mister would be proud of.
Sheldon: Excellent.
Dr. John Sturgis: You know, you'd think a smart fella like Spock would have a doctorate.
Sheldon: Actually, Spock rejected an offer from the Vulcan Science Academy in order to attend Starfleet.
Dr. John Sturgis: Huh. Not the choice I would have made, but I'm happy for him.
Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow
Mary: Remember, it's a school night, so his bedtime is 7:30.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mine, too!
Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell
Dr. John Sturgis: I'd like to end today's lecture with a hilarious physics joke. Why didn't the photon pack a suitcase? He was traveling light. [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon?
Sheldon: Ha, ha.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you. Class dismissed.
Quote from the episode Potential Energy and Hooch on a Park Bench
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I'm here to convince you to come back to the university. A mind like yours needs to be working on the advancement of science.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I did that for 50 years. Now I'm content just keeping these cucumbers crunchy.
Dr. Linkletter: But exciting new things are happening in string theory. Don't you want to be a part of that?
Dr. John Sturgis: Wasting years scrambling away at the academic hamster wheel? Constantly worried that your life's work is just one big dead end?
Dr. Linkletter: Sure, some paths of research may not pan out, but we still have to try, right?
Dr. John Sturgis: Do we?
Dr. Linkletter: Of course.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know. Einstein spent the last 30 years of his life on the grand unified field theory and got nowhere.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I wouldn't say nowhere, but I suppose he never did crack it.
Dr. John Sturgis: And to this day, no one has.
Dr. Linkletter: True.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, most of his major accomplishments occurred when he was a young man, which you and I most certainly are not. [chuckles]
Dr. Linkletter: Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, "Who is that?"
Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like to give these cucumbers a spritz?
Dr. Linkletter: No, thank you. Do you sell liquor here?
Quote from the episode The Geezer Bus and a New Model for Education
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Oh, my goodness. Was anyone hurt?
Meemaw: No. But now I got no car for a while.
Dr. John Sturgis: You could ride your bike.
Meemaw: An old lady on a bike? That's not cool.
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? Then I won't ask how I look on one.
Meemaw: You look great.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know. I just wanted to hear you say it. [Meemaw chuckles]
Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub
June: [answering phone] Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hi, June. John Sturgis here. We met the other day. I'm, uh, the scientist who won over the whole bar.
June: Oh, sure, I remember you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Good, good. Anyway, I was wondering if you had any romantic interest in me.
June: Well, you don't beat around the bush, do you?
Dr. John Sturgis: In medieval times, hunters used to hire men to beat the area around bushes with sticks in order to flush out game, so no, I guess I don't do that.
Quote from the episode A Lobster, an Armadillo and a Way Bigger Number
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm doing it. This is going quite well.
Dr. Linkletter: Feel free to pick up the pace. A butterfly just passed us.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what's the speed limit?
Sheldon: 75.
Dr. John Sturgis: And I'm going... ten. I'll pick up the pace.
Quote from the episode A Nuclear Reactor and a Boy Called Lovey
Dr. John Sturgis: Dr. Linkletter. Please meet my girlfriend, Connie Tucker.
Dr. Linkletter: Nice to meet you, Dr. Tucker.
Meemaw: I'm not a doctor.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I would like to point out, she's quite real.
Dr. Linkletter: I can see that.
Dr. John Sturgis: And our relationship is more than just friends.
Meemaw: That's enough.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, it's flat-out erotic.
Meemaw: Change the subject, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: You got it, girlfriend.
Quote from the episode A Perfect Score and a Bunsen Burner Marshmallow
Sheldon: Last question. What is the only fermion that may not have an antiparticle?
Dr. John Sturgis: The neutrino, of course.
Sheldon: I'm gonna rule out concussion.
Dr. John Sturgis: To be fair, it was an easy question.
Sheldon: True.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Sheldon: [on the phone] How do I make her understand that being smart is the best?
Dr. John Sturgis: Might I suggest, instead of trying to fix her problem, you just listen? When I was in the psychiatric ward, I learned that people who are struggling emotionally often just need to be heard.
Sheldon: Hmm. Sounds difficult, but I suppose I could try.
Dr. John Sturgis: Another thing I learned in the hospital is that some people believe there are weird mole men living in tunnels deep inside the earth.
Sheldon: Well, this has been mostly helpful.
Dr. John Sturgis: And you're mostly welcome.
Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza
Meemaw: Yeah?
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, this is John Sturgis.
Meemaw: Well, hello, John Sturgis. How are you?
Dr. John Sturgis: I chipped a tooth on a peach pit this morning, but otherwise, I'm okay.
Quote from the episode A Research Study and Czechoslovakian Wedding Pastries
Dr. John Sturgis: He's like a young version of me, but without corrective shoes.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] What's on your mind?
Sheldon: Do you ever wish that you weren't smart?
Dr. John Sturgis: So I would be short, lonely and stupid? No, that seems worse.
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- Dr. John Sturgis
- Dale
- Tam
- Billy Sparks
- Brenda Sparks
- Dr. Linkletter
- Mr. Givens
- Ms. Ingram
- Ms. MacElroy
- Ms. Hutchins