Meemaw: [on the phone] What'd I say?
Dale: You don't remember?
[flashback:]
Meemaw: And then I lost $20 at the video poker bar, and then we sang karaoke.
June: Tell him about the shrimp.
Meemaw: [chuckles)]We went to the all-you-can-eat buffet, you know, and they had these jumbo shrimp. [June laughs] And, I mean, they weren't just saying they were jumbo.
June: So big!
[present:]
Meemaw: Are you gonna tell me what I said or not?
Dale: Hell no. I'm having too much fun.
Meemaw: I hate you.
Dale: [chuckles] I can live with that.

Meemaw: It's no big deal.
Dale: It's a colonoscopy.
Meemaw: So?
Dale: So, one of those words means "colon," and the other means "shoving a camera up it."
Meemaw: Mm. I'm surprised you need one. Did you tell him about the salad?
Dale: It's not funny.
Meemaw: Stop being such a baby. Something I have pushed out of my body. You can do this.
Dale: Wait, wait, I got an idea. Why don't we do it together?
Meemaw: What? No.
Dale: Come on. It'll be romantic.
Meemaw: You're weird.

Meemaw: Hello.
Dale: Well, hey. Well, you missed it. Some old broad went nuts over there and threw her pool cue on the table. She's crazy.
Meemaw: Mm. Sorry.

Dale: [answers phone] Ballard's.
Meemaw: Hello.
Dale: Hey, what's up?
Meemaw: You'll be happy to know I went out and got a checkup.
Dale: Fantastic.
Meemaw: Yeah, great, just great. And now you can shut up about it.
Dale: Well, how'd it go?
Meemaw: Good news, bad news.
Dale: Uh-oh.
Meemaw: Good news is I'm fine.
Dale: Well, now, isn't that comforting to know?
Meemaw: Don't be smug.
Dale: So what's the bad news?
Meemaw: He wants me to have a colonoscopy.
Dale: Great! Oh, my gosh, we can do it together! Can't you just feel the romance?
Meemaw: No, you weirdo.

Mary: Did you tell Georgie to drop out of school?
Dale: What? No.
Mary: Well, he did, and you had something to do with it.
Dale: Well, no, he was just complaining about school and I told him I dropped out.
Mary: Dale, you know that he looks up to you.
Dale: He does, doesn't he?
Mary: Which is why you need to tell him that he is making a big mistake.
Dale: Oh, I don't think I can do that.
Mary: Why not?
Dale: Well, I don't believe he is.
Mary: How could you say that?
Dale: I did it, worked out fine.

Georgie: One night here is fine. I'll be workin' more hours now so I'll be able to get my own place soon.
Dale: Yeah, about that. I can't let you work full-time at the store.
Georgie: What? Why not?
Dale: Well, your parents are pretty upset. I'm not gonna get in the middle of that.
Georgie: I'll just get a job somewhere else.
Dale: That's your business.

Meemaw: [to John] Here's the deal... you get one night here, then you're out.
Georgie: And don't ask for cookies. She is in no mood.
Dale: Well... You know who's at my place? No one.
Meemaw: I think I should stay here and keep an eye on these two.
Dale: It wasn't an invite. Just something I was looking forward to. Later.
Dr. John Sturgis: Bye. Did he get a haircut? It looks really nice.

Dale: I-I thought you liked being retired... now you want to be a business owner? It's not as much as fun as I make it look.
Meemaw: Listen, I've been gambling my whole life and losing to the house. This is my chance to be the house.
Dale: You go to prison, I ain't waitin' for you.
Meemaw: You really have the energy to find a new girlfriend?
Dale: I'll wait. [Meemaw chuckles]

Dale: So you gonna sell the place?
Meemaw: No.
Dale: Instead of crime boss, you're gonna be a laundry boss. Well, I guess that's just as cool.

Meemaw: I'm gonna open my game room.
Dale: How?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Dale: Move to a new location?
Meemaw: I don't know!
Dale: What about the Laundromat?
Meemaw: Keep asking questions, see what happens.
Dale: Last one.
Meemaw: What?
Dale: How'd you get so pretty?
Meemaw: I hate you.
Dale: I like you.

Meemaw: I guess I'll just sell the place. If I take a bath, so be it.
Dale: Oh, I don't know. I got a realtor friend, might be able to help.
Meemaw: You mean like your cop friend who shut me down?
Dale: Yeah, that wasn't great.

Dale: [answers phone] Ballard's.
Meemaw: Hello.
Dale: Hey, what's up?
Meemaw: Oh, nothing. I just called to say hello.
Dale: Oh. Gee, I don't think I've done that in my entire life.
Meemaw: You want me to hang up?
Dale: No. Uh-uh. W... But what happens next?

Meemaw: [on the phone] Hi, June. What's going on?
June: I know you have a hair appointment this afternoon, but I'm gonna have to cancel.
Meemaw: Everything okay?
June: No, I busted my knee up pretty good.
Meemaw: Oh. Does Dale know? I-I'm on the other line with him.
June: No, not yet. Yeah, you can tell him.
Meemaw: Okay, hang on. [changes line] Hello?
Dale: I'm so sorry, who's this? It's been so long.
Meemaw: I'm on the phone with June. She hurt her knee.
Dale: How?
Meemaw: Well, hold on. [changes line] How'd you hurt it?
June: Oh, it's so embarrassing. I slipped on a glob of hair gel at the salon.
Meemaw: Wait a minute. [changes line] She slipped on a glob of hair gel at the salon.
Dale: [laughs] Oh, nice. Well, that was worth the wait.

Dale: [answers phone] Ballard's.
June: It's me. Any chance you could swing by?
Dale: What do you need?
June: Well, the recliner won't go down, and I'm stuck in this chair like a damn fool.
Dale: Well, that is a situation. How long you been stuck?
June: Are you gonna help me out or not?
Dale: Oh, just give me a moment to enjoy it.
June: Get your ass over here and you can laugh at me in person.
Dale: Eh, I'm on my way.
June: [exhales] Thank you.
Dale: Got to grab my camera.

Meemaw: Hey.
Dale: Hey! Came to see your man be a leader of little people, huh?
Meemaw: I came to see my granddaughter pitch.
Dale: Yeah, under my leadership. All right, Cooper, let's see what you got. Come on, girl! [Missy pitches] Come on, shake it off! You got this. [Missy pitches again] What the hell was that?
Meemaw: Well, there's some leadership.