Dale: Cooper, what is the problem?
Missy: The ball isn't going where it's supposed to.
Dale: I saw that.
Missy: What am I doing wrong?
Dale: Just a little case of the yips. It happens.
Missy: What's that?
Dale: The yips... you know, it's when you're thinking about stuff in your head and something you've done a million times, you can't do it anymore. Even the pros get it.
Missy: How do I get rid of it?
Dale: Uh, just don't think about it.
Missy: Okay. [sighs]
Dale: Don't think, just throw. [Missy pitches] [crowd groans] I hate the little people.

Missy: I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Dale: Ah, don't worry about it. It's not your fault.
Missy: It isn't?
Dale: No, I'm the one that let a girl pitch. It's my mistake.
Missy: What? I've won so many games.
Dale: Oh, that was then.
Missy: Why are you being so mean?
Dale: Well, why are you getting so emotional, like women do? Maybe you ought to be a cheerleader.
Missy: You trying to make me mad?
Dale: Is it working?
Missy: Yeah.
Dale: Well, I tell you what, picture my face in the catcher's mitt.

Dale: George?
George: Hey, Dale.
Dale: Surprised to see you here.
George: Are you?
Dale: Not even a little.
George: You ever hear of a Texas college that only plays soccer?
Dale: [sighs] Can I get a beer first before we start with the hard questions?

Dale: How about selling footballs?
George: You mean, like, at your store?
Dale: Yeah. I could always use the help.
George: I'm not looking for a handout.
Dale: That's not what this is. I'd love to have more time off. And it could be nice to have someone at the store who I could trust.
George: Well, thanks, uh... I'll think about it.
Dale: Well, don't thank me, I'm just taking advantage of your crappy situation.
George: How do you know I'm not taking advantage of yours?
Dale: Because I'm a very successful businessman, and you're sitting here in the middle of the day.
George: Well, you're here, too.
Dale: You were here first.

Meemaw: So, I was thinking about what you were saying last night.
Dale: You know, you could've just said, "I don't want to travel."
Meemaw: You're picturing a future where we slow down, and I'm just getting going.
Dale: Well, I've been going for 40 years. When George started talking about taking over the store, I-I... I saw a way out.
Meemaw: Then do it.
Dale: [chuckles] I don't want to do it without you, dummy.
Meemaw: Well, then you're gonna have to wait a little.
Dale: I don't think I can do that.
Meemaw: What are you saying?
Dale: You know I love you, right?
Meemaw: I love you, too.
Dale: But we're done.

Dale: Did you see that ridiculous car she bought?
George: Nope, but I sure have heard a lot about it.
Dale: What is her problem? She think she can do better than me?
George: Don't know what she thinks.
Dale: I'm a catch.
George: Okay.
Dale: You don't think I'm a catch?
George: You're a catch. You're very catchable.
Dale: Darn tootin'.

Dale: So the baby's yours?
Georgie: What am I gonna do?
Dale: Is there any chance she might decide not to have it? Put it up for adoption?
Georgie: Not happening. She's keeping it.
Dale: Well, I hope you enjoyed being young and carefree, because that ship has sailed.
Georgie: Not helpful.
Dale: No.

George: I saw Georgie stopped by earlier.
Dale: Well, yeah, he does that once in a while.
George: Yeah. Didn't realize y'all were so close.
Dale: Oh, uh, I wouldn't say close. He might. I wouldn't.
George: So, uh, what'd he come by for?
Dale: Just to chat.
George: Really?
Dale: Mm.
George: Well, I guess it's good he's comfortable talking to someone.
Dale: Uh-huh.
George: Instead of his own father.
Dale: Uh, I... I'm sure he'll talk to you.
George: Thanks. [walks off]
Dale: [to himself] And you're not gonna like it.

Dale: This is gonna be my Christmas card. [camera clicks, flashes]
Meemaw: [wakes up] What the hell? What are you doing here?
Dale: I'm saving ya.
George: You think I got that kind of cash lying around?
Dale: He doesn't. That's why I'm saving you.
Meemaw: Well, damn.

Dale: When I get the pictures developed, you want copies?
Meemaw: No.
Dale: Jail's made you cranky. Still haven't heard "thank you."
Meemaw: Thank you.
Dale: Those are the words, but... just not feeling it.
Meemaw: I'm tired. I'm sore. I'm embarrassed. Could we just... please not?
Dale: Sorry. Did you have to join any gangs when you were in there? [chuckles]

Meemaw: You know that money I owe you?
Dale: Oh, you got it?
Meemaw: Yes and no.
Dale: Uh, well, which is it?
Meemaw: Yes, I got it, no, I'm not giving it to you. I want to give you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Dale: Well, I'd prefer my money.

Dale: For a while there, I felt like Bonnie and Clyde, without all the murder and mayhem.
Meemaw: Well, the night's still young.
Dale: So at the risk of sounding more like Bonnie than Clyde, uh, where do we stand in our relationship?
Meemaw: You're the one who broke up with me.
Dale: Oh, maybe I've rethought the situation.
Meemaw: So you were wrong.
Dale: I don't believe there's any right or wrong here.
Meemaw: Say it. Say you were wrong.
Dale: I do regret it.
Meemaw: Because... you were... wrong.
Dale: Yes. So what do you say... you want to give it another chance?
Meemaw: Hang on.
Dale: Just give me a straight answer. I'm a big boy. I can take it.

Dale: I don't see him anywhere. Do you?
Meemaw: Nope.
Dale: Oh, man. Well, now that that's over, I'm starting to feel the excitement again.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Crazy, right? I think that's the way danger works.
Dale: Oh, it's like a rollercoaster. [Meemaw laughs]
Dennis: Well, ain't this a coincidence.
Dale: Oh, come on.

Dennis: What kind of business you in?
[Dale sees Meemaw slash the tires on Dennis's car in the parking lot]
Dale: Groomer.
Dennis: Hmm.
Dale: Dog groomer, yeah. Cats if you make me, but I pretty much love the doggies.
Dennis: You ever do birds?
Dale: No.
Dennis: Mm-hmm.
Dale: Birds got feathers, and they're... they're self-grooming, pretty much.
Dennis: Yeah, I always thought cats were self-grooming.
Dale: Well, people think that, but, no. No, you got to... You got to dip a cat once in a while. Well, okay then. [stands up]
Dennis: Where are you going?
Dale: Dennis, I am really sorry about this. [punches Dennis in the face and knocks him out]

Meemaw: So, you want to go home?
Dale: Well, I don't know. I stayed here last night.
Meemaw: So?
Dale: So, two nights in a row. At what point are we living together?
Meemaw: Fine. Go home.
Dale: Oh, I'm okay with staying. You're the independent one.
Meemaw: If you want to stay, stay. If you want to go, go.
Dale: Fine. I'll stay if you're gonna beg.