Mr. Givens: How'd you know George?
Brenda Sparks: Next-door neighbor.
Mr. Givens: Oh. So, you knew him well?
Brenda Sparks: A little. How about you?
Mr. Givens: I taught Sheldon science.
Brenda Sparks: Oh, I'm sorry.
Mr. Givens: Thank you.
Brenda Sparks: I'm single.
Mr. Givens: Same.

Missy: [on the phone] Hey, Mrs. Sparks.
Brenda Sparks: What are y'all up to?
Missy: Just hanging out.
Brenda Sparks: Cut the crap. You throwing a party, ain't you?
Missy: What? No.
Brenda Sparks: Relax, I'm all for it. I want my son to have a life. Wait, he's invited, right?
Missy: 'Course. We're just making a dance floor.
Brenda Sparks: Oh, God, Missy, do not let him dance.

Missy: That's her right there.
Brenda Sparks: [exhales softly] She's cute.
Missy: And this was before her boobs came in.
Brenda Sparks: So, she's just messing with Billy?
Missy: She might've asked him out. [off Brenda's look] Okay, she's messing with him.

Brenda Sparks: Who was that?
Billy Sparks: Britney Perkins.
Brenda Sparks: She that, uh, chunky one with the headgear?
Billy Sparks: No, she's a cheerleader and her teeth are beautiful.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. And... and she asked you out.
[cut to Brenda knocking on the Coopers' front door, which Missy opens:]
Brenda Sparks: What do you know about Britney Perkins?

Brenda Sparks: Mary, I don't even think it was about me. It could've been anybody.
Mary: That doesn't make me feel better.
Brenda Sparks: I just mean I'm not his wife. Which makes me easier to talk to. Don't make it right, but talk's all it was.
Mary: Are you sure?
Brenda Sparks: I swear. Like how sometimes it was easier for you to talk to Pastor Rob?
Mary: But shouldn't George and I want to talk to each other?
Brenda Sparks: Don't ask me, I couldn't hang on to my "crappy husband."
Mary: Sorry about that.
Brenda Sparks: No. It's true.
Mary: You want to talk about it?
Brenda Sparks: That'd be nice. George around? [off Mary's look] Okay, not ready to joke.

Mary: We have nothing to talk about.
Brenda Sparks: Fine. Then let's just yell at each other.
Mary: I'm not yelling at you.
Brenda Sparks: Mary, we're neighbors, our kids are friends. We're gonna be in each other's lives for a long time. Let's do this.
Mary: I am busy. I am making a cake.
Brenda Sparks: And I'm talking to a pain in the ass who won't admit she's mad.
Mary: I'm not mad.
Brenda Sparks: Really? [Mary gasps as Brenda runs her finger through the cake and licks the frosting] How about now?
Mary: Back yard.

Brenda Sparks: Hey, welcome back. How's little Constance doing?
Mary: We're calling her CeeCee.
Brenda Sparks: Well, that's just the cutest.
Mary: Mm-hmm.
Brenda Sparks: Oh, I got you coffee. Don't worry, it's not the sludge we serve. I got it from the 7-Eleven on the corner.
Mary: Thank you, but I'm fine.
Brenda Sparks: Are you sure? I put some of those flavored creamers in it. Fancy.

Mary: Is my husband your mystery man?
George: No. She's dating someone else.
Mary: How do you know that?
George: She told me.
Mary: Why are you talking to my husband about your love life?
Brenda Sparks: You know, Mary, you might want to be careful about throwing stones, 'cause I've seen your glass house.
Mary: What does that mean?
Brenda Sparks: I saw how upset you were when this one was on a date.
Pastor Rob: Really?
George: What the hell do you mean, "really"?

Mary: Any plans for your day off?
Brenda Sparks: Nothing special.
Mary: Not seeing your mystery man?
Brenda Sparks: Just give me my check.
Mary: I don't mean to pry. It's just, your friends think you're keeping him a secret 'cause he's married.
Brenda Sparks: There's no mystery man. And you're prying.
Mary: Sorry.

Brenda Sparks: So, Audrey, is this your first grandkid?
Audrey: Yep.
Brenda Sparks: You must be excited.
Audrey: Sure. Can't say I'm thrilled with the circumstances, but... Amanda's always done things her way.
Meemaw: I have a lot of grandkids. At some point, you just stop caring how they got here. [Audrey nods]
Brenda Sparks: I'm gonna get some punch.
Meemaw: It's nonalcoholic.
Brenda Sparks: Oh.

Mandy: [gasps] Oh, a nursing bra. "Includes removable pads to prevent leakage." Wow. Thanks. That's... really thoughtful.
Brenda Sparks: Mine dripped like a faucet.
Missy: Wait, I have a question.
Mary: Please ask it later.

George: What the hell, Brenda?
Brenda Sparks: What the hell, what?
George: Your friends all know about your "secret boyfriend"?
Brenda Sparks: You think that's you?
George: Well... it's not?
Brenda Sparks: No, George.
George: Well, who is it?
Brenda Sparks: I didn't tell them. I'm not gonna tell you.
George: Okay.
Brenda Sparks: Oh, God. Are you upset that there might be another guy in the picture?
George: No.
Brenda Sparks: Good. Go home to your wife.
George: I will.
Brenda Sparks: Okay. [George exits] [chickens clucking] Shut up.

Helen: Oh, come on. It's bad enough this one's got her secret boyfriend she won't tell us about.
Mary: [gasps] Brenda Sparks. How do I not know this?
Brenda Sparks: First of all, I'm not Brenda Sparks anymore.
Jill: Oh, don't go changing the subject.
Brenda Sparks: And... there's no one.
Helen: She's lying. There's some guy that she was sweet on, but she won't give us any info.
Jill: [whispers] I think he's married.
Helen: Mm-hmm. [Mary gasps]
Brenda Sparks: He's not.
Helen: Oh, interesting. I thought there was no one.
Jill & Helen: Ooh...!

Mary: Oh, hey. I didn't know you were working tonight.
Brenda Sparks: I'm not. Just meeting some friends.
Mary: Oh, that's nice.
Brenda Sparks: Yep.
Mary: Oh, so, I was just getting off work myself.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. Have a good one.
Mary: Well, uh, so, friends from high school, or...?
Brenda Sparks: More like a bunch of gals that used to be married, used to be in Weight Watchers, and now just come here to drink and bitch about their lives.

Brenda Sparks: [o.s.] Billy! Stop feeding the chickens Cap'n Crunch!
Billy Sparks: [o.s.] But they like it.
Brenda Sparks: [o.s.] We've been over this. You don't eat their food, they don't eat yours.

Mary: Oh, hey, hi. (sniffles) Oh...
Brenda Sparks: You okay?
Mary: Not really. It's been a... rough couple of days.
Brenda Sparks: I'm sorry.
Mary: Thank you.
Brenda Sparks: Makes you feel better, I've had a pretty good couple of days, and I'm still gonna get drunk. [laughs] Want to join me?
Mary: Yes. That would be nice.
Brenda Sparks: More sad than nice, but let's go.

Mary: Hey, Brenda, I was trying to do the books for the quarter, and I was having a little trouble making sense of it.
Brenda Sparks: You know, Mary, if... if it's too big of a mess, and you'd rather work somewhere else, I'd understand.
Mary: No, I'll figure it out.
Brenda Sparks: Great. So happy you're here. [Mary chuckles]

Brenda Sparks: I see Pastor Rob's here again.
Mary: Oh, does, uh... does he come here often?
Brenda Sparks: Not with that one. She's new.
Mary: Well, good for him.
Brenda Sparks: Single, good-looking pastor. In a small town like this, he might as well be Roger Staubach. [off Mary's confusion] Oh, my God. The Dallas Cowboys.
Mary: Oh, sure, course. Um... hey, if you need me, I'm gonna be in the office doing... office things.

Mary: And if you order right now, I'll throw in some extra concealer for half off.
Brenda Sparks: I mean, this is just allergies. Does it look like I've been crying?

George: Where's your trash?
Brenda Sparks: Everywhere. But the basket's under the sink.
George: Mm. [exhales] You know your faucet's leaking?
Brenda Sparks: Yep, this whole place is falling apart.
George: Well... I'll come over another time, and take care of it.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. You know, you don't have to do that. One more?
George: I should get going.
Brenda Sparks: Well, thanks again. [the door handle comes off in George's hand] Want to buy a house?