Mary: Is my husband your mystery man?
George: No. She's dating someone else.
Mary: How do you know that?
George: She told me.
Mary: Why are you talking to my husband about your love life?
Brenda Sparks: You know, Mary, you might want to be careful about throwing stones, 'cause I've seen your glass house.
Mary: What does that mean?
Brenda Sparks: I saw how upset you were when this one was on a date.
Pastor Rob: Really?
George: What the hell do you mean, "really"?

Mary: So, George is mad at me, and Sheldon is mad at me, and... honestly, I'm mad at me, too.
Brenda Sparks: Will you please give yourself a break? All that you do for that family, I am surprised you didn't crack years ago.
Mary: How do you handle it all?
Brenda Sparks: I'm sitting in a chicken coop drinking a wine cooler at 11:00 a.m.... clearly, I don't.

Billy Sparks: Pastor Jeff, do chickens go to heaven?
Pastor Jeff: Well, the Bible doesn't say much about the souls of animals, but I like to believe that God loves all his creatures. Why?
Billy Sparks: My dad wants to eat Matilda.
Brenda Sparks: It's not as bad as it sounds. She stopped laying eggs, so it's off with her head and into the fryer.
Pastor Jeff: Well, I will pray for her little chicken soul.
Brenda Sparks: [chuckles] Just pray she's juicy.

Mandy: [gasps] Oh, a nursing bra. "Includes removable pads to prevent leakage." Wow. Thanks. That's... really thoughtful.
Brenda Sparks: Mine dripped like a faucet.
Missy: Wait, I have a question.
Mary: Please ask it later.

Sheldon: You've been through this before. How long does it take?
Brenda Sparks: Depends. With Billy, it was days.
Sheldon: Well, he always has been a tad slow.

Billy Sparks: Do you think my mom and your dad are going to be boyfriend and girlfriend?
Missy: No.
Billy Sparks: If they got married, would that make us brother and sister?
Missy: It's not gonna happen.
Billy Sparks: Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia were brother and sister, and they still kissed. [Missy scoffs] I didn't write it. [Missy scoffs again]

Sheldon: All right, let's do this.
Mandy: Why are you wearing dish gloves?
Sheldon: To deliver the baby.
Mandy: That is not happening.
Sheldon: Good. Whew. Can I get a glass of water?
Mandy: Sheldon, I need to go to the hospital.
Sheldon: Well, I can't drive. I do have a bike, but you'll never fit in the wagon.