Adult Sheldon Quotes
Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom
Adult Sheldon: In Texas, the Holy Trinity is God, football and barbeque, not necessarily in that order.
Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer
Adult Sheldon: Power has always been a deadly narcotic, and in 1989, RadioShack's Tandy 1000 SL was my drug of choice. With an Intel 8086 running at eight megahertz and a five-and-a-quarter-inch floppy drive, there was nothing I couldn't do. From adding snazzy graphics to my homework-
Sheldon: So snazzy.
Adult Sheldon: To easily alphabetizing my list of enemies and their crimes.
Sheldon: So easy.
Quote from the episode Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia
Adult Sheldon: Despite my explanation that I was embracing my inner Kirk, my mother had me make amends for all my misdeeds. Starting in the library, where I had to reshelve hundreds of books. Well, to be honest, that one was a hoot.
Quote from the episode An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
Adult Sheldon: As you can see, even as a small child, people cherished having me around and wept over my absence.
Quote from the episode A Mother, a Child, and a Blue Man's Backside
Adult Sheldon: In that moment, I was so angry with her, I almost opened the jar.
Quote from the episode Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia
Adult Sheldon: The amends got worse when Coach Wilkins made me climb the rope. Lacking any upper body strength, I hung there like a salami in a deli window.
Quote from the episode Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia
Adult Sheldon: He had me. Somehow, the mullet-headed simpleton had me.
Quote from the episode Dolomite, Apple Slices, and a Mystery Woman
Adult Sheldon: And so, our little social circle grew from two to three. An early example of how people are just drawn to me.
Quote from the episode Jiu-jitsu, Bubble Wrap, and Yoo-hoo
Adult Sheldon: Existing in a world of predators isn't easy, but we prey have developed several natural defenses to help us survive. There's playing dead, warning calls, camouflage, and, last but certainly not least, good old-fashioned running away. A little screaming never hurts either.
Quote from the episode An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
Adult Sheldon: Sleep didn't come easy that night, knowing that, at any moment, I could be decapitated.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, the bed in my room had a dust ruffle, which, to my young mind, only meant one thing: there was dust.
Quote from the episode A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles
Sheldon: I don't get why people think that the social aspect of education is so important.
Missy: Maybe 'cause the education aspect is so boring.
Sheldon: But that's the whole point of school.
Missy: Eh. I'll stick with being popular.
Adult Sheldon: I'd like to point out that one of us has a Nobel Prize. All the other one has is a loving family and friends, which I also have. Boy, did I win!
Quote from the episode An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo
Adult Sheldon: "You'll not see nothin'." Shame on whoever wrote that.
Quote from the episode An Introduction to Engineering and a Glob of Hair Gel
Howard Wolowitz: Wait, so after all this time, that's your problem with engineering?
Adult Sheldon: Evidently.
Howard Wolowitz: So all the teasing and all the abuse had nothing to do with me?
Adult Sheldon: I'll admit, at first, I had a chip on my shoulder because of that class, but then it was mostly you.
Howard Wolowitz: Unbelievable. When will I learn?
Adult Sheldon: I could give you that answer, but if you figure it out for yourself, it'll mean so much more.
Howard Wolowitz: Goodbye, Sheldon.
Adult Sheldon: Bye.
Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag
Adult Sheldon: I'd like to tell you a story about a time I was right. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "But, Sheldon, you're never wrong." And you'd be right. But it's worth taking a closer look at this particular incident. Because it began with a loaf of bread, and ended with me and my family almost being kicked out of the United States of America.
Quote from the episode The Yips and an Oddly Hypnotic Bohemian
Adult Sheldon: Of all the tests one takes in school, my favorite was the midterm. Finals weren't bad, but they also meant summer was approaching. I don't believe in religion, but sunshine, picnics and pool parties are proof hell exists.
Quote from the episode Cowboy Aerobics and 473 Grease-Free Bolts
Adult Sheldon: While not the lab work I hoped to be doing, it did feel good to be part of an actual experiment. A tedious, menial part that could be performed by a monkey. Or worse, an engineer.
Quote from the episode A Clogged Pore, a Little Spanish and the Future
Adult Sheldon: [hushed] This is why the only bar I frequent is the Genius Bar at the Apple Store.
Quote from the episode A Suitcase Full of Cash and a Yellow Clown Car
Adult Sheldon: Today I thought we could talk about relationships, so I've invited my lovely wife Amy to help.
Amy: Thanks for letting me join in.
Adult Sheldon: Are you jealous when I do this without you?
Amy: No.
Adult Sheldon: Because one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships is jealousy. Now, Amy, did you know jealousy is triggered in the left part of the cerebral cortex?
Amy: I'm sorry, are you about to explain neuroscience to your wife, the Nobel Prize-winning neuroscientist?
Adult Sheldon: Yes. Jealous?
Amy: I'll tell you when there isn't a microphone in front of us.
Adult Sheldon: Ooh, mystery. That'll keep a relationship on its toes.
Amy: Your bathroom schedule is on the refrigerator. We have no mystery.
Adult Sheldon: Moving on, physical intimacy. I believe I said "physical intimacy," [title card changes] which can pose another challenge in relationships.
Amy: Especially when one partner doesn't want to be intimate as frequently as the other.
Adult Sheldon: Ooh, who are we talking about? [stammers] Don't tell me. Let the mystery continue.
Amy: Just read the next one.
Quote from the episode A Lobster, an Armadillo and a Way Bigger Number
Adult Sheldon: After a quick burial behind the bar, we were back on the road. Dr. Sturgis tried to find some appropriate music for a proper send-off. Three Christian talk shows and a whole lot of static later, he settled on what he declared the Dixieland jazz of West Texas. ["El Son de la Negra / Guadalajara" playing] Mariachi.
Dr. John Sturgis: Vaya con dios, armadillo. Vaya con dios.
Quote from the episode Money Laundering and a Cascade of Hormones
Sheldon: [knocks on door] Missy, I know you're upset. Would you like a hot beverage?
Missy: [o.s.] Go away.
Adult Sheldon: Every culture has their taboos. In the Ukraine, it's rude to whistle indoors, and they're correct. Not a fan. In our society, any discussion of human reproduction seems to be so upsetting, it causes nothing but chaos. Lost jobs. Lost friends. Sleepless nights. Even the word "sex" provokes an uncomfortable reaction. I thought "fornicate" might work, but that seemed too judgy. Then I found the perfect word, a word so bland and clinical that it would be impossible to take offense to it.
Sheldon: "Coitus." That'll work.
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