Sheldon: Sorry, Dave. We're living paycheck to paycheck.

Sheldon: Oh, there it is! [waving to the truck] Over here! Over here! This is exciting.
George Jr.: It's somethin'.
Sheldon: [waving to the truck] Thank you! Have a great day!

Meemaw: I took a real beating at the craps table, and then I won it all back playing Caribbean Stud Poker.
George Sr.: Well, how does Caribbean Stud Poker work?
Meemaw: I have no idea. I was drunk off my ass.

Mary: I even did some marriage counseling for a couple of young newlyweds.
George Sr.: Ooh, what kind of trouble they having?
Mary: Oh, it's all confidential; I really can't say.
George Sr.: Well, I don't need specifics, just, you know, general terms.
Mary: They're having sexual problems.
George Sr.: Really? Newlyweds?
Mary: But we all prayed on it and then the answer came clear as a bell.
George Sr.: Yeah?
Mary: The husband is under a lot of stress at work and it's diminishing his natural desires.
George Sr.: Huh. What kind of work does he do he's got so much stress?
Mary: He owns that flower shop across from the post office.
George Sr.: Flower shop. Huh.
Mary: You've seen it. It's called The Pretty Petunia.
George Sr.: Huh.

Tam: Look at these prices. No wonder supermarkets are running my parents out of business.
Sheldon: Your parents own a convenience store. They charge extra for the convenience.
Tam: How is this not convenient?

Pete: Happy Hearth Home Bakeries, this is Pete. How can I help you?
Sheldon: Hello, Pete. My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I would like to know what changed in your white sandwich loaf to make it taste different?

Sheldon: Did you know Einstein loved playing the violin?
Missy: So?
Sheldon: He believed music helped him formulate his theories.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: Einstein was arguably the greatest scientific mind of the 20th century. If music helped him, maybe it could help me.
Missy: So?

Mary: That seems to be going well.
Pastor Jeff: It's going really well. I like her so much.
Mary: Why do you sound sad about it?
Pastor Jeff: Well, this is hard for me to say out loud. But when I'm around her, I find myself having you know...
Mary: I don't know.
Pastor Jeff: [whispers] Man thoughts.
Mary: Oh. But you're the pastor. You can't act on those.
Pastor Jeff: Hence my sadness.

Missy: Does he really think these facts are fun?
Mary: Not now.

Peg: I bet you're disappointed that cute little blonde girl got sick and you're working with me.
George Jr.: I guess.
Peg:You're gonna learn life's like that. A parade of disappointments.
George Jr.: Is that so?
Peg: Yep. Sooner you give up, the better. When did you give up?
Peg: June 14, 1945. The man I loved came home from the war with syphilis. Now ask me how I found out.
George Jr.: No, thank you.

Dr. John Sturgis: Na zdrowie! That's, uh, "to our health" in Russian.
George Sr.: This is not the place to talk Russian.

Sheldon: [coughs] I don't feel well.
Mary: What's wrong, baby?
Sheldon: I don't know. I just feel awful.
Mary: Well, there is something going around. Billy Sparks got some kind of bug.
Sheldon: That is consistent with what I said. Good. [weak cough]
Mary: You're staying home today. I'll go make you some tea.

Mary: Anyway, I am gonna be extra busy, so I'm gonna need you to pick up the slack around here. You know? The kids. Making meals.
George Sr.: Sounds good. Wait, what?
Mary: I need you to help out.
George Sr.: So, Pastor Jeff wants to get lucky, and I pay the price?
Mary: I am asking you to take care of your children.
George Sr.: And I'm asking you, why can't your mother do it?
Mary: George.
George Sr.: Fine.

Missy: I'd rather have pink hair than together parents.
Paige: I don't blame you.

Paige: Don't worry. I'll ask her. Ever since my parents got divorced, people can't say no to me.
[cut to:]
Paige: My mom promised she would take me to the mall to get me a new backpack, but she was so busy cleaning my dad's stuff out of the garage that I think she forgot.
Mary: Oh. Of course I can take you. Anything you need.
Paige: Thank you, Mrs. Cooper.
Missy: [quietly] Will you marry me?

Sheldon: 'You're so smart. Why are you acting like this?
Paige: Maybe I don't want to be smart.
Sheldon: I have to sit down.
Paige: Being smart sucks. It's the reason we moved here from Arkansas, a-and my parents never yelled at each other before that. It's just better to be normal.
Missy: It works for me. But I also have good cheekbones.

Missy: "Hi, God. It's Missy Cooper. I know my mom talked to you about me the other day, and she's, like, your biggest fan."
Dale: Hey, what's going on? What, did you fall asleep?
Missy: Sorry, I was praying.
Dale: Oh, my apologies.
Missy: "Anyway, I could really use your help getting a hit. Amen." Okay.
Dale: Are we good?
Missy: I don't know. We'll find out.

Missy: I just want the same trophy everyone else gets.
Mary: But I want you to feel special.
Missy: And I just want to feel regular.
Mary: Okay. [sighs] Well... I'll make sure you get a regular one at the party.
Missy: Thank you. Mom, wait. I get what you were trying to do. It's nice.

Missy: Can I keep that one, too?
Mary: You really want it?
Missy: I do.
Adult Sheldon: Despite her many flaws, my sister did have a soft spot in her heart. And a fondness for blowing things up.
Mary: What was that?!

Missy: Being a mom's hard, isn't it?
Mary: Sometimes.
Missy: If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you. Ooh, it's moving again.