Sheldon: May I help you?
Bobby: There's no hot water.
Sheldon: There is for rule followers.
Tommy: You can't just turn off the hot water.
Bobby: Yeah.
All: Yeah.
Sheldon: If you want the benefits of civilization, you have to behave in a civilized manner. The decision is yours.
[cut to Sheldon taped up against the wall as rock music plays:]
Sheldon: I don't need a pen and paper to take names. [a student skateboards by] You. What's your name? You know I'll find out and there will be consequences. Hey, what are you... [a student covers Sheldon's mouth in tape] [muffled grunting]

[Sheldon goes into the den and finds Coach Wilkins snoring on the couch]
Sheldon: Well, this is a wrinkle.
[Sheldon walks to Missy's room and knocks on the door]
Missy: Missy. [knocks] Missy.
Missy: [o.s.] What?
Sheldon: An issue of social protocol has arisen, and I need your input.

Nathan: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Hello, Nathan. Sheldon Cooper.
Nathan: Oh, hey. How's it going?
Sheldon: Terrible, thank you for asking. I understand that you recently purchased Doom Patrol Suicide Squad Special Issue #1 from King Kong Comics.
Nathan: Yeah, I've been trying to track it down forever.
Sheldon: Me too. They were supposed to hold it for me. I had a note on file.
Nathan: The girl there didn't say anything.
Sheldon: That "girl there" is my sister, and she should have because I had a note on file.
Nathan: Your sister works there? That's so cool.
Sheldon: If it was cool, I would have Doom Patrol Suicide Squad Special Issue #1.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Let me buy it from you.
Nathan: Ooh. Sorry, little man. No can do.
Sheldon: Please, it's the only thing I need to complete my collection.
Nathan: I'll tell you what, you know Secret Wars #8?
Sheldon: When Spider-Man receives his black costume? Yeah, I'm familiar.
Nathan: Yeah, well, I need it to complete my collection. Find it and Suicide Squad is yours.
Sheldon: You got it.
Nathan: Ciao.

Sheldon: Missy, I need to speak with your manager.
Missy: I didn't mean to sell your stupid comic book.
Sheldon: It's not about that, although I'm still upset about that, and will be for as long as I live.
Missy: Then why do you need to talk to him for?
Sheldon: I have a business proposal. It touches on the burgeoning field of informatics and could revolutionize...
Missy: Nigel!

Sheldon: So if you let me build a searchable database of all your titles, then theoretically, anyone in the world can see your inventory.
Nigel: That sounds all right.
Sheldon: All right? This is revolutionary. Other comic book stores will follow suit, and someday, if you want to find Doom Patrol and Suicide Squad Special Issue #1, then all you'll have to do is type it in.
Nigel: I just sold one of those.
Sheldon: Despite the note on file, but that's water under the bridge.

Nigel: So you're gonna input my whole inventory free of charge?
Sheldon: Yes.
Nigel: Well, can you do it at night so you're not in the way?
Sheldon: My bedtime is 9:30, so that's a solid two hours.
Nigel: Well, there's a lot of comics here. How long is this gonna take?
Sheldon: This is quite the undertaking. Would you like to help?
Nigel: You got it. Missy, you're working late tonight.
Missy: [sighs] Freaking Sheldon.

Missy: Aren't we here to type stuff into the computer?
Sheldon: There's no reason we can't do both.
Missy: It's gonna take forever.
Sheldon: We could use some help.
[cut to:]
Nathan: A comic book store after hours. It's a dream come true.
Sheldon: And we get to organize it.
Missy: We don't have to.
Sheldon: Don't listen to her, she doesn't appreciate the dream.

Nathan: So, you can just type in whatever comic you're looking for, and the computer will tell you who has it?
Sheldon: Once enough people enter their inventories in the database, yes.
Nathan: That's really cool.
Sheldon: Would you say it's revolutionary?
Nathan: I would.
Sheldon: Will you?
Nathan: It's revolutionary.
Sheldon: Thanks.

Sheldon: Ooh, there could be ones for scientific grants.
Nathan: Yeah, or my idea.
Sheldon: Finding grants is such a time-consuming process. If there was a centralized database, it would change the research landscape entirely.
Nathan: Yeah, that's cool, I guess.
Sheldon: And many grants never get applied for because people don't know about them, so this would be good for the grantor and the grantee.
Nathan: Well, shouldn't we finish this first?
Sheldon: This idea is too big to wait. I got to go. Will you lock up? [door bells jingle]
Nathan: I'm gonna steal so much stuff.

President Hagemeyer: It really doesn't make any difference because Sheldon agrees that this is in the best interest of everyone.
George Sr.: You said that?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: Hold on. Sheldon told me-
Nelson: Grant. [Dr. Linkletter whispers in Nelson's ear] Sheldon informed my client that their interests were aligned.
Mary: You told him that?
Sheldon: Yes.
Jerry: You told me he was on our side. Didn't you tell them that?
Sheldon: Yes.
President Hagemeyer: Which is it, Sheldon?
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah, Sheldon. Whose side are you on?
Mary: Shelly?
Sheldon: I don't know, and I don't care. I just want to build the database. Why can't this just be about the science? W-Why are you making it all about the money? This was supposed to be exciting, and you're ruining it.

Mary: So... why don't you take a little time and figure out what's gonna make you happy?
Sheldon: I will. Okay, I did.
Mary: Oh. All right. Well, what did you decide?
Sheldon: I'm cutting everybody out and doing this myself.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: I don't need the university and I don't need Dr. Linkletter.
Mary: How are you gonna pay for all this?
Sheldon: I'll find private investors. They can pay for it on the condition I'm left alone.
Mary: Are you sure you don't want to think about this a little more?
Sheldon: Perhaps you're right. Done. I'm good.
Mary: Where you going?
Sheldon: My dorm. I have some calls to make. Love you. [exits]
Mary: Love you, too.

Sheldon: Dad, I have a question for you.
George Sr.: [sighs] Not a good time, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Please, it's really important.
George Sr.: Whatever it is, fine.
Sheldon: Mom, Dad said I could drop out of college!
George Sr.: What?
Mary: [o.s.] George!

Gary: Thank you so much for bringing this opportunity to me. This is exciting.
Sheldon: So will you give us the funding?
Gary: Well, it's a lot of money, but my horoscope did say take a chance today.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're, uh, making a big financial decision based on astrology?
Gary: I know, I'm such a Gemini, right?
Sheldon: That's ridiculous. The alignment of the planets and stars has no correlation to your success or failure.
Gary: Ah, this is great. I mean, science thrives on this kind of debate.
Sheldon: This isn't a debate.
Gary: Rebuttal: Yes, it is. There we go again. [chuckles]

Gary: Oh, I gotta tell ya, making lab furniture has made me rich, but this, this is what I really love.
Dr. John Sturgis: Now, just to be clear, we're looking for a financier, not a partner.
Gary: Oh, yes, no, this is your baby. You guys are the parents, I'm just a wet nurse. Just a wealthy, wealthy wet nurse.
Dr. John Sturgis: What does that mean?
Sheldon: A wet nurse is a woman who suckles another...
Dr. John Sturgis: No, no, I know what it means, I just meant what does he mean?
Gary: Well, I mean I just want to be around the process. Anything you need, I'm your guy.
Sheldon: But I'm still in charge, right?
Gary: Did NASA fake the moon landing?
Sheldon: No.
Gary: See, that's what I thought until about a year ago. Oh, we're gonna have so much fun.

Sheldon: Hello?
Carlos: Yeah, I'm here to install some bunk beds.
Sheldon: But I don't need bunk beds. I'm just one person.
Carlos: All I know is they're turning this room into a triple.
Sheldon: Triple?

Delivery Man: I have a delivery for Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: That's me. What is it?
Delivery Man: A computer mainframe.
Sheldon: He got one.
Delivery Man: I just need to tell the guys where to put it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I suppose it could go in here.
Sheldon: Or I think I have a solution to my roommate problem. I can't have roommates if my dorm has no room for those mates.
[cut to Sheldon smiling as large computer units are wheeled into his dorm:]
Sheldon: Right this way.

Sheldon: We're coming up with games to play? Because I have a good one: intelligent animal technology. For example, if rhinoceroses were intelligent, how would they type?
Mary: This is for Mandy's baby shower.
Sheldon: Oh. I don't want to go to that.
George Sr.: [chuckles] Thankfully, it's for ladies only.

George Sr.: You may not want to be there. It's a rough one.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: Oh, you're right, dear. It's a beautiful event which I will never forget.
Sheldon: Wait, you said it was beautiful and then made a face to imply that it wasn't. So, which is it?
Missy: Oh, my God, Sheldon, it's disgusting.
Sheldon: He could've just said that.

Sheldon: Wait, I don't have to watch football, do I?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: Please don't.
Sheldon: Sweet.