Sheldon: Why are you watching wrestling?
Missy: They beat the crap out of each other. It's great.
Sheldon: I bet it's all fake.
Missy: Does that look fake to you?
Sheldon: Okay, it's nice to know something's real.
Missy: Ooh, he's bleeding.

Dr. Linkletter: All right. You have 45 minutes to complete the test, eyes on your own paper and... [Sheldon raises his hand] Yes, Sheldon, if you finish early, you can take it again. And... begin!
Adult Sheldon: And I was off. I flew through wave functions. I dominated harmonic oscillators. The only challenging part of this exam was trying to balance the desire to finish quickly with the urge to stop and smell my freshly sharpened pencil. [Sheldon sniffs his pencil] Mmm. I was in the zone. Only one question left. All I needed to do was solve Schrodinger's equation in a cylindrical well by employing the zeroes of the Bessel function, which of course were...
Sheldon: Wait, what are they?
Adult Sheldon: Come on, you know this. You've done it a million times.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.

Sheldon: I can't remember what the zeroes of the Bessel function are.
Dr. Linkletter: You didn't memorize them?
Sheldon: Of course I did... October 7th, 1988. I had just had a bowl of Teddy Grahams.
Dr. Linkletter: Then what's the problem?
Sheldon: I'm blanking, but I'll get it.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry, son, class is over.
Sheldon: No, I can do this.
Dr. Linkletter: It's just one question. You'll still pass.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper doesn't "just pass."
Dr. Linkletter: I have an idea. Let me see the test. [Sheldon hands him the test] Thank you.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper isn't always that gullible.
Dr. Linkletter: He was today.

Sheldon: Missy! You gave me your yips.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: I froze on a test. That's never happened before. It's all your fault.
Missy: I told you it's not contagious.
Sheldon: You put the thought in my head. The power of suggestion is very real. Case in point: tulip mania.
Missy: Here we go.
Sheldon: Tulip mania was an insane desire to buy and trade tulip bulbs in the 1600s. It nearly ruined the Dutch economy. You would not believe the gilders they were spending.

George: Hey. [Sheldon groans] What's your problem?
Sheldon: I don't want to talk about it.
George: Great.
Sheldon: I had a mental block on a test and it was something that I absolutely know how to do.
George: Oh, you know, that sort of thing happens in sports, too.
Sheldon: I know. It's called the yips, and it's a very silly name for a very serious problem.
George: Well, you know, the best thing to do is get out of your head.
Sheldon: How do I do that?
George: Just turn your brain off.
Sheldon: It's like I'm not even your son.

Sheldon: Another fun footwear slogan is "I'm Buster Brown. I live in a shoe. That's my dog Tige. Look for him there, too."
George: Mm, I think mine is more helpful.
Sheldon: Well, mine rhymes, so...

Adult Sheldon: The next day, armed with the sage advice of my father, my brother, and an executed murderer, I was allowed to retake the test.
Dr. Linkletter: You have 45 minutes starting now.
Sheldon: [inner monologue] Okay, just do it. Just do it. Just turn your brain off and do it. Is it off? Am I doing it? Wait, if I'm thinking it's off, then it must still be on. I'm trying too hard. Don't overthink, just do it. Just do it, just...
Dr. Linkletter: Time's up.
Sheldon: But I didn't do it.
Dr. Linkletter: Waste my morning? You did it.

Adult Sheldon: Trying to outsmart my own thought patterns proved to be challenging. It's understandable, as smart as I was, I was also that smart. I wondered if I could invent a mind control device, but that sounded a little too "mwah ha ha" even for me. It turned out the device I was looking for had been in my presence the entire time. Television. It had been tranquilizing the minds of America's youth for generations, and it was just what I needed.
Man: [on TV] Lift off.
Sheldon: Too interesting. [turns to The Three Stooges] Too violent. [turns to game show involving slime] I don't think so.
Bob Ross: [on TV] Now, then, let's build us a little cloud. Clouds are very free. Very, very free. Tell you what. Shoot, that was so much fun, let's get crazy...
Sheldon: Who's this bohemian?

President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, I'm not the one who made your schedule.
Sheldon: No, but as the president of the university, you do have the power to adjust the class times.
President Hagemeyer: So, you expect me to disrupt the schedule of hundreds of students for your convenience?
Sheldon: Finally, we're on the same page.
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, I have work to do, and I'm sure that you can solve this one on your own.
Sheldon: I suppose a nap might be refreshing. What kind of lumbar support does that couch have?
President Hagemeyer: That's it. Come with me.

Sam: Well, I was gonna study in my dorm, but there was a sock on my door.
Sheldon: Oh, and you didn't want to touch it. I understand completely.
Sam: Yeah, you really don't, but that's fine.
Sheldon: Well, I have a room here, so you could study with me if you'd like.
Sam: Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. [chuckles]
Sheldon: Why was there a sock on your door?
Sam: It's like a signal.
Sheldon: A signal for what?
Sam: A signal that I should change the subject. How are your classes going?
Sheldon: So well, thank you for asking.

Sam: Wait, you have a single?
Sheldon: Uh-huh.
Sam: And you don't even sleep here?
Sheldon: Well, sometimes I take naps, but that mattress is lumpy, lumpy.
Sam: I live with two other girls in a room this size.
Sheldon: You should've complained to President Hagemeyer. She was very accommodating.
Sam: Wait, there are two closets?
Sheldon: That's a bathroom.
Sam: Are you kidding me? I share one with, like, 30 other people.
Sheldon: That sounds yucky.
Sam: It is, Sheldon. It is very yucky. However yucky you think it is, it is yuckier.
Sheldon: Well, you're welcome to use mine. Just squat over the seat, don't sit.

George: Your mother and I are worried that your friends at school might be taking advantage of you.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
George: [sighs] They might not be using it in the... the spirit that you intended.
Sheldon: How are they using it?
George: Mary?
Mary: [sighs] We're worried that those couples are not going there to study...
Sheldon: But that's why I'm lending them the room.
Mary: And that is why we are concerned.
Sheldon: Are you saying they're using it as a goof-off room?
George: Yes. [stammers] That's exactly what we're saying.
Sheldon: Well, let's drive over there right now and catch them in the act.
Mary: No!
George: Let's just let them finish... goofing off tonight, and we'll put a stop to it tomorrow.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for telling me.
Mary: We thought that you should know. [both exit]
Sheldon: Mm. [to himself] Those dirty goof-offs.

Mary: So, what do you say?
Sheldon: Disrupting my sleep schedule to fraternize with children my own age? We both know the answer.
Mary: I figured. I just wanted to make sure. Although I could use someone as my eyes and ears if the kids get to causing trouble.
Sheldon: Are you asking me to help enforce the rules and police the other children?
Mary: Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that.
Sheldon: Because if you do, I'm in.
Mary: Then what you said.
Sheldon: I need to pick out pajamas.

Sheldon: I'm neither holding hands nor praying. I don't even know why I walked over here.
Pastor Rob: Heavenly Father, may this evening bring us closer to you. Keep us safe and, most importantly, Heavenly Father, help us rock this night of fellowship. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
All: Amen.
Pastor Rob: I don't think he heard you.
All: Amen!
Sheldon: He can't hear you because he's not real.
Pastor Rob: One more time for Sheldon, y'all. [Sheldon covers his ears]
All: Amen!

Pastor Rob: Gentlemen. How are we tonight?
Billy Sparks: [whispers] Be cool.
Pastor Rob: Y'all wouldn't be planning on throwing any water balloons at the girls later?
Billy Sparks: No, sir.
[Pastor Rob picks up Billy's backpack and removes a water balloon]
Pastor Rob: Nice try.
Billy Sparks: How did he know?
Sheldon: Maybe God told him.