Sheldon: Would you prefer a piece of paper? I have some in my briefcase. It's here if you change your mind.

Mr. Givens: All right, losers, you know how this works. One hour, no talking, no horseplay. Sheldon?
Sheldon: Hello, Mr. Givens.
Mr. Givens: Why are you here?
Sheldon: I didn't want to catch a cold from Ms. MacElroy, so I left her classroom without a hall pass.
Mr. Givens: Well, something is going around. I actually had a little tickle in my throat.
Sheldon: Okay, time to go. Nice meeting you.
Mr. Givens: Whoa, what-what are you doing?
Sheldon: You've heard of fight or flight? This is flight.

Mary: Doctor, Sheldon is afraid to go to school because he might get exposed to some kind of bacteria or virus.
Dr. Eberland: So he's got a phobia?
Sheldon: It's not a phobia if the threat is real. You're a doctor, you should know that.

Mary: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: The door's locked. Can you open it?
Mary: No. What on earth?
Sheldon: Hello.
Mary: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I made a real germ-proof hedge of protection.
Mary: Oh, honey, you can't stay in there.
Sheldon: I've got a refrigerator, I've got my sleeping bag, and anything else I need I can make out of Legos.
Mary: What's with the Halloween costume?
Sheldon: In case of a breach.
Mary: Stay right there.
Sheldon: That's my plan.

Sheldon: Mom?
Mary: Yes, Shelly.
Sheldon: Can you close the door? I need to use the sink.

Mary: Shelly, if you don't mind me asking, what's your long-term plan here?
Sheldon: I'm working on the math to turn the garage into a self-sustaining ecosystem.
Mary: Okay. And what exactly does that mean?
Sheldon: Well, all I need is sunlight and a few seeds to grow unlimited food which I'll fertilize with my own feces.
Meemaw: This just gets better.

Mary: Sheldon! You can't run away from me forever.
Sheldon: I don't have to do it forever. Just till you get tired.

Missy: That was intense.
Sheldon: I don't think I'm cut out for this latchkey life.

Sheldon: This leg lock is called an Outside Ashi Garami.
Tam: What happens next?
Sheldon: That depends, is this your foot or mine?

Mary: You want to tell me what happened?
Sheldon: Bobbi Sparks came into the garage-
Mary: And she attacked you?
Sheldon: Not exactly. I tried to use jiu-jitsu on her, but I tripped and fell.

Sheldon: Very well. There's one more book that belongs in the box, filled with adultery, genocide, and even human sacrifice. [Sheldon places down a bible]

Meemaw: So, Moonpie, how's adult life treating you?
Sheldon: Very well, actually. I'm working on my application to Harvard.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Sheldon: Yes. And I'm planning on transferring there as soon as possible.
Mary: You're not going away to Harvard.
Sheldon: I don't believe you have a say in this.
Mary: Okay, well, Harvard's real expensive. How do you plan on paying for it?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sure I'll get a scholarship.

Sheldon: Pray harder!

Ms. Ingram: Sheldon? Sheldon? Were you paying attention to anything I said?
Sheldon: Yes.
Ms. Ingram: Then what'd I say?
Sheldon: When factoring a trinomial where the leading coefficient isn't one, it must be written in descending order from highest power to lowest power.

NASA Director: Thanks, kid. You really saved my bottom.
Sheldon: Tell your bottom it's welcome.

Sheldon: Why are they all looking at us?
Meemaw: I think they're looking at you.
Sheldon: Oh. [waving to the class] Hello.

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I would like to see you again. Perhaps we could have dinner sometime.
Sheldon: Yes, we would love that.
Meemaw: We would?
Sheldon: We wouldn't?
Dr. John Sturgis: You wouldn't?
Meemaw: We would.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent.
Sheldon: Excellent. So, where are we eating?

Mary: I think you might be getting a little ahead of yourself.
Sheldon: I don't think so. They're in love. They were looking into each other's eyes like there was something in there other than corneas and irises.

Mary: Well, if that's the case, that'd be wonderful.
Sheldon: It'd be more than wonderful. If they get married, we immediately double the number of smart people in our family. That means we go from one to two.
Mary: I got that.

Sheldon: Hello, Dr. Sturgis.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Come in. Meemaw's upstairs getting ready for your date.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful. Oh, my, this is a lovely house.
Sheldon: Isn't it? Can you see yourself living here? I can.