Mary: How do you know the recipe, Shelly?
Sheldon: Meemaw told it to me on Valentine's Day, 1982. You were out with Dad seeing Cannonball Run at the dollar theater.

[after flashing back his parents being intimate]
George Sr.: Sheldon, want some?
Sheldon: Uh, no, thank you. I'm not hungry.

George Sr.: Hey, pal. Playing with your rockets?
Sheldon: I'm trying to calculate ballistic coefficients.
George Sr.: Well, that's fun, too.

George Sr.: Listen, I don't have to work this weekend, I was wondering if you wanted to do something together.
Sheldon: Like what?
George Sr.: Whatever you want.
Sheldon: Well, the filter on my air purifier needs to be changed. How about a trip to Sears?

George Jr.: Shotgun!
Mary: No, no. Let your brother sit up front for a change.
Sheldon: I actually prefer sitting in the back. It's safer.

Sheldon: Did you always want to be a football coach?
George Sr.: Well, I always wanted to play. At least till I got hurt.
Sheldon: Mm. Were you a good player?
George Sr.: Eh, not really. I was just bigger than the other kids.
Sheldon: So you compensated for mediocrity by being large.
George Sr.: I guess.
Sheldon: That works for cattle as well.
George Sr.: Oh, well, thanks for pointing that out.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

George Sr.: You want to sleep with me?
Sheldon: Yes, thank you.
George Sr.: Yeah. Got enough room?
Sheldon: Yes. You throw off a lot of heat.
George Sr.: Sorry.
Sheldon: That's all right. It's kind of nice.

George Sr.: Okay, here we go. One, two-
Sheldon: I still think we should wait till the rain slows down.
George Sr.: No, we got to get home. I got work tomorrow, you guys got school.
Sheldon: You do realize I'll get wet?
George Sr.: It's just water, Sheldon.
Sheldon: All right. Just making sure you realize.

George Sr.: Buddy, I thought we had a plan.
Sheldon: You had a plan.

Sheldon: Oh, dear.
George Jr.: What's your problem?
Sheldon: No problem. I'll just tidy while we talk.

Sheldon: $20 isn't gonna do it.

Sheldon: So you collect all the terms linear in X. See? Simple.
George Jr.: Maybe for you.
Sheldon: No, it's simple for everybody. Now you collect all the terms linear in Y.
George Jr.: I don't get it.
Sheldon: Try this. Close your eyes.
George Jr.: 'Kay.
Sheldon: Can you see the slope of the line given by the coefficients of X and Y?
George Jr.: No.

George Jr.: Maybe the problem is you're not a good teacher.
Sheldon: Unlikely.

George Jr.: What do you see when you close your eyes?
Sheldon: I see quadrant one as red, quadrant two is soft and plush, quadrant three smells like lavender, and quadrant four is overlaid with a Fibonacci spiral.
George Jr.: That's really weird.
Sheldon: No. What's really weird is doing simple algebra and thinking about a girl in a bikini.
George Jr.: I disagree.

Sheldon: This isn't over.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?
Sheldon: All right, maybe it's over.

Sheldon: So what do you think?
Meemaw: I don't think you should let it bother you very much. I mean, there's always gonna be people in this world who are playing fast and loose with the rules. And your brother's one of them.
Sheldon: That's how Captain Kirk is on Star Trek.
Meemaw: Well, there you go, and he's, like, the main guy on that show.
Sheldon: No, Mr. Spock is the main guy.
Meemaw: I stand corrected.

Sheldon: Although Kirk is usually the one who saves the Enterprise.
Meemaw: Because he doesn't always follow the rules?
Sheldon: He even cheated on a test when he was a cadet. The Kobayashi Maru.
Meemaw: The what?
Sheldon: Kobayashi Maru. Kirk is a legend because of it.

Ira Rosenbloom: Hey.
Meemaw: Is this a good time?
Ira Rosenbloom: Absolutely. Come in, come in.
Meemaw: Ira, this is my grandson Sheldon. Sheldon, this is my friend Ira.
Sheldon: Hello.
Ira Rosenbloom: Howdy.
Sheldon: So Meemaw tells me you're Jewish.
Ira Rosenbloom: Right to it, huh?

Missy: Are you and Dad gonna get a divorce?
Mary: Of course not.
Sheldon: Are you sure? Packing up your kids in the middle of the night and moving in with your mom has all the earmarks of a divorce.

Sheldon: Excuse me. Do I look like I'm getting sick to you?
Diane: You look a little pale.
Sheldon: Okay, good, that's normal.