Sheldon: Did you kill it?
Missy: Yup.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Missy: You tell me. [pointing the shoe at Sheldon]
[Sheldon screams and runs away]

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Um, if you two wouldn't mind waiting here, we'd like to start by talking to your mom, dad, and grandma.
Missy: Why?
Dr. Edward Pilson: Just to get some background information on the both of you.
Sheldon: Smart. Ask how old I was when I completed potty training. You won't believe it.

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that when Albert Einstein was a little boy, his parents worried there was something wrong with him?
Missy: Because he couldn't comb his hair?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, that was a choice he made later in life. When he was young, he wanted nothing to do with other children, and would often have extreme temper tantrums.
Missy: He sounds like you.
Sheldon: I know. Isn't it great?

Sheldon: Hot dog, syllogisms. "If all squares are parallelograms, and all squares are rectangles, then some parallelograms are rectangles." Who was this test made for, children?

Mary: Did you have fun?
Sheldon: I got to take a test on a Saturday, heck yeah!

Missy: What you watching?
Georgie: Soul Train.
Sheldon: I like trains.
Georgie: It's not that kind of train, dummy.
Sheldon: Well that seems like false advertising.

Dr. Edward Pilson: Sheldon, what do you think is happening in this picture?
Sheldon: Easy. There are four chimpanzees in a living room.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Okay, but what can you tell me about them?
Sheldon: They're not behaving like chimpanzees.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: Chimpanzees don't drink tea.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Is that it?
Sheldon: Well, I suppose it might be coffee, but they don't drink that either.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything interesting about their body language?
Sheldon: No.

Sheldon: A woman in a doorway.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Anything else?
Sheldon: She's holding her head with her hand.
Dr. Edward Pilson: And what do you think that means?
Sheldon: Um, Wouldn't you rather ask me about trains going to St. Louis?

Georgie: You just need to introduce me to her.
Sheldon: Why?
Georgie: I want to be her friend.
Sheldon: Well, you better take a number. She's friends with a lot of boys around here.

Sheldon: Eh! I can't believe no one in this town knows who Carl Sagan is. Why even have a TV?

Mr. Givens: All right, with Thanksgiving weekend approaching, it's the perfect opportunity to observe family dynamics and how our parents, relatives and siblings affect us. Now, the-
Sheldon: Yes, Sheldon. I don't find that interesting.
Mr. Givens: Well, tough knuckles, that's the assignment. Now, you'll all be expected to collect data on your family, form a hypothesis, and make a prediction.
Sheldon: So you're giving us homework for Thanksgiving?
Mr. Givens: Yes.
Sheldon: Oh, boy!

Missy: Don't be scared, Sheldon, it's just a parade.
Sheldon: I already don't like dogs. Gigantic and floating does not help.

Mary: Shelly?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Mom, but if I answer that question, I'd be violating my experimental protocol.
Mary: Okay, moving on.

Meemaw: You want to tell me what happened?
Sheldon: Instead of remaining a neutral observer, I got emotional in front of the whole class.
Meemaw: Well, that's not a big deal.
Sheldon: Yes, it is. I'm a scientist. You never hear about Newton crying like a baby when he got brutalized by an apple.

Sheldon: I did read a chapter on repressing emotions. I suppose I could've been doing that to avoid dealing with the fear of change, and moving would certainly be a big change.
Meemaw: That's very astute.
Sheldon: I'd have a new room, in a new house, and the new house would probably have a different smell, and I probably wouldn't like that smell because I don't like new smells, and I'd be going to a new school with new kids and new teachers, and I bet they'd all smell different, as well.
Meemaw: Okay, now calm down.
Sheldon: That's easy for you to say. Your olfactory senses aren't about to be assaulted by the state of Oklahoma.