George Sr.: Sheldon, I've been playing and coaching football all my life. I don't think your math is right.
Sheldon: Really? Hang on. [thinks for a second] No, it's right.

Sheldon: She wasn't wrong. Studies do support that your sense of taste changes over time.
Tam: So the bread's the same and you're different?
Sheldon: Apparently so. Nope, it's the bread.

George Jr.: I thought Paige was your friend.
Sheldon: She's more of a colleague.
George Jr.: Oh.
Sheldon: Although for reasons unknown, she's currently behaving like a ten-year-old.
Mary: Maybe that's because she is a ten-year-old.
Sheldon: Still no excuse.

George Sr.: What, the girls leave you out of their little picnic?
Mary: Oh, they invited him.
George Sr.: Well, then why ain't you out there?
Sheldon: Eat outdoors? Do I look like a hippie to you?

Sheldon: Stay back!
Meemaw: Calm down. We're taking her home.
Missy: To be murdered.
Sheldon: Okay, have fun.

Sheldon: I have something important that I'd like to say. These last few days, I've been giving the new Happy Hearth bread another chance, and I've decided it's not so bad. Also, it toasts well. So, I'm going to say that's a sign of personal growth on my part. In fact, let's call it maturity. Still not talking to me, huh? Well I'll check back in tomorrow.

Coach Wilkins: 20 laps. Cooper?
Sheldon: If you're going to ask us to run, don't you think you should lead by example?

Sheldon: Ms. Ingram, can I offer a suggestion?
Ms. Ingram: What?
Sheldon: Never mind. You do it your way.
Ms. Ingram: No, no. You tell me. Tell me how I'm wrong.
Sheldon: You assumed an extra axiom of Euclidean geometry without stating it.

George Sr.: Who the hell is this?
Sheldon: This is Nathan. He's been to four Comic-Cons.

Libby: You know they're playing a space shuttle movie at the Museum of Natural Science. It's in IMAX.
Tam: I heard about that. The screen is supposed to be huge.
Libby: They also have a great geology exhibit.
Sheldon: Well, it's in Houston. How are we gonna get there?
Libby: I'll drive.
Tam: Oh, I would love to see a movie with you.
Sheldon: Don't you need to ask your parents first?
Tam: No, Sheldon, I don't.
Sheldon: But won't they worry where you are?
Tam: They'll be fine. Count me in.
Sheldon: Glad you're not my son.

Dr. Goetsch: Welcome back.
Mary: Thank you for seeing us on such short notice, Doctor.
Dr. Goetsch: Oh, not a problem. Sheldon, I remember you. Do you remember me?
Sheldon: I remember everything.

Sheldon: Georgie? Georgie?
George Jr.: What?
Sheldon: Would you like some salted mixed nuts?
George Jr.: Nah.
Sheldon: Look, they're the fancy kind.
George Jr.: That's a trick can.
Sheldon: No, it's not. Listen. When you shake it, there's a rattling sound, as if nuts are inside.
George Jr.: Fine. [George opens the can]
Sheldon: [SCREAMS] Bazinga.

Missy: Hey, Mom, can Paige sleep over this weekend?
Mary: I guess, if her mother says okay.
Sheldon: Wait, where is she going to sleep?
Missy: In your bed. You can sleep on the couch.
Sheldon: Absolutely not. I've already changed my brand of loafers, I am not changing my sleeping quarters.

Missy: Did you guys know Paige speaks three languages?
Meemaw: Really? That's impressive.
Missy: You only speak one.
Sheldon: Two. I'm learning conversational Klingon.

Sheldon: Why would Paige get competitive over Bible trivia? She doesn't care about that.
Mary: Maybe she just wanted that bookmark.
Missy: Yeah. I wanted this "what would Jesus do?" slap bracelet. Ow.
Sheldon: I liked it better when she and I were making fun of everything.
Mary: You might have more fun if you participated, too.
Sheldon: Oh, I'll participate.
Mary: Great.
Sheldon: If Paige wants to go head-to-head on Bible trivia, she picked the wrong fact-filled atheist to mess with.
Mary: [quietly] Great.

Meemaw: Beam your ass out of here.
Nathan: Yes, ma'am. One to beam up. Energize.
[Star Trek: The Next Generation theme plays]
Adult Sheldon: Okay, that last part didn't happen, but, boy, would that have been neat.
Sheldon: That was so neat.
Nathan: Forgot my tape. [music stops, tape ejects] Energize.
Sheldon: I miss him already.

Sheldon: Missy said that Meemaw is upset at Dr. Sturgis.
Mary: Don't worry, she'll get over it.
Sheldon: The question is will she get over it by Friday at 4:00 p.m.? That's when we leave for my class.
Mary: I don't know, Shelly.
Sheldon: I suppose she could drop me off outside. Where are we on me walking through parking lots alone these days?
Mary: How about this? Um, until she's up to it, I'll take you.
Sheldon: Thanks. The parking lot still gives me the willies.

Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Can I be your lab assistant?
Dr. Linkletter: What time is it?
Sheldon: That's not a no.
Dr. Linkletter: If I say yes, will you please stop hounding me?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine. You win. Good night.
Sheldon: Just out of scientific curiosity, were you persuaded by the disorienting nature of this late-night phone call or by the cumulative weight of my relentlessness?
Dr. Linkletter: That one. [hangs up]
Adult Sheldon: I learned an important lesson that night. When you want something, relentlessly annoying is your road to victory.

Sheldon: For your information, not only am I going to show you up today, I've also prepared some biblical trash talk.
Paige: What is he talking about?
Missy: He stayed up all night studying.
Paige: Why?
Sheldon: To beat you at Bible trivia. Just like the prophets of mercy beat the priestly cult and its emphasis on ritual purity.
Paige: Was that the trash talk?
Sheldon: [scoffs] Was Zacchaeus a tax collector? Was Nicodemus a Pharisee?
Missy: Just hit him.

Mary: Sweet dreams. Love you.
Sheldon: Love you, too, 'cause you're my mom. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]