George Sr.: Sorry I got riled up.
Dale: Don't worry about it.
Meemaw: Mary's over here all the time yellin' about something... it was a pleasant change of pace.

Mary: Is Dale here?
Meemaw: Yeah, what's up?
Mary: I would like to have a word with him.
Meemaw: Better him than me. Have at it. [Mary enters] Dale, Mary coming in hot!

George Jr.: What are you doin' here?
George Sr.: What are you doin' here?
George Jr.: I was hopin' to stay here tonight.
George Sr.: Well, you can't.
George Jr.: This ain't your house.
George Sr.: It ain't yours, either.
Meemaw: It's my house, and I get to say who stays and who goes.
Dale: Okay, well, I'll be going.
Meemaw: Oh, you're staying. [to George] You can go.
Dale: Lucky.

Nick: Hey, Connie. Usual?
Meemaw: Yeah. [chuckles] I spend a lot of money here, right?
Nick: [chuckles] You sure do.
Meemaw: So if my son-in-law was in here doing something stupid, I should know, right?
Nick: I guess.
Meemaw: Before he went to the hospital, was he in here doing something stupid?
Nick: Just hanging out. Why?
Meemaw: No reason. Just watching too many soap operas, I guess. [both chuckle] Let's just keep this between us, okay?
Nick: Sure thing.

George Sr.: What's up?
Meemaw: My smoke detector's beeping again. Have you got one of those little batteries?
George Sr.: I think so. Come on in.
Meemaw: Thank you. See, I'm three beeps away from breaking out my shotgun.
George Sr.: [chuckles] I don't even put batteries in ours anymore. Do not tell Sheldon.

George Sr.: You want to accuse me of something, say it to my face.
Meemaw: All right, fine. You have a fight with your wife, you end up in a bar with Brenda Sparks, and now you're both acting weird about it.
George Sr.: There's no story. We're two people who went to the same bar. That's it.
Meemaw: That better be it.
George Sr.: Connie, I get it. You're protecting your daughter, but hear me when I say nothing happened.
Meemaw: Okay.
George Sr.: And I don't appreciate you snooping around behind my back.
Meemaw: You're absolutely right. I was wrong to do that. I'm very sorry. Little ticked at Nick for blabbing about it, but... I'm-I'm sorry.
George Sr.: Thank you.
Meemaw: We good?
George Sr.: We're good. [walks off]
Meemaw: "We're good" my ass.

George Sr.: Why the hell are you asking questions about me at the bar?
Meemaw: I don't know what you're talking about.
George Sr.: Nick told me everything.
Meemaw: Well, clearly, I was lying.

Meemaw: Less monkey, more Clint. There we go.

George Sr.: What's going on?
Meemaw: Mary's working late, Sheldon's in the garage, and Missy's in her room hating the world.
George Sr.: What's wrong with Missy?
Meemaw: My guess is a boy. And I hope you like this song, because it's in heavy rotation.
George Sr.: I'll go talk to her.
Meemaw: That's not a good idea.
George Sr.: Mm, Missy and I kind of have a father-daughter thing.
Meemaw: Maybe you and cute, little Missy. This is pre-teen, angry Missy. You haven't met her yet.
George Sr.: I got this.
Meemaw: Hmm. [chuckles softly] Dumb and confident... my favorite combination.

Meemaw: Hey, Moon Pie. Is everything okay?
Sheldon: No, everything is terrible.
Meemaw: Oh. That sounds like a job for cookies.

Meemaw: I'm sorry she ruined your picture, but, you know, she's having a bad day.
Sheldon: Oh, please, she can find another boyfriend.
Meemaw: I know you're mad at her.
Sheldon: I hate her.
Meemaw: Hey, don't say that about family.
Sheldon: You say mean stuff about my dad.
Meemaw: That's different. He deserves it.

Meemaw: Listen here. She's your sister. She's always gonna be your sister, so you have to find a way to forgive her.
Sheldon: But she did this just to hurt me.
Meemaw: I know. But she's hurting, too.
Sheldon: What does that have to do with me?
Meemaw: You're the big brother.
Sheldon: I'm only two minutes older.
Meemaw: Which makes you the big brother, which means that it is your job to look out for her.
Sheldon: That doesn't make sense. Why should random birth order determine moral responsibility?
Meemaw: I don't make the rules, Moon Pie.
Sheldon: Doesn't seem like you make cookies either. What's taking so long?

Meemaw: Do you really think your supercollider could make a black hole?
Dr. John Sturgis: There is about a one-in-a-trillion chance it could.
Meemaw: Friendly advice... next time somebody asks you if your work could destroy the world, just say no.

Meemaw: You seem to be interested in this alternative universe thing. Maybe that's something you could work on.
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe there's another universe where I'm already doing that.
Meemaw: Sure, but maybe you could do it in both. [chuckles]
Dr. John Sturgis: What are you getting at?
Meemaw: Just that instead of wasting your time bagging groceries, you could be working on something worthwhile.
Dr. John Sturgis: There's nothing wrong with me trying something new.
Meemaw: But you've got a PhD. You're the smartest person here.
Sheldon: Well...
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I'm happy doing what I'm doing right now.
Meemaw: I don't believe that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excuse me. You know more about how I should live my life than I do?
Meemaw: Yeah, maybe.
Dr. John Sturgis: May I speak with you outside?

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah?
Meemaw: Are you doing okay?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, getting fired was tough, but I'm glad to be back here in town.
Meemaw: Mm.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm glad you're back, too.
Meemaw: But if you feel yourself slipping again, promise me you'll get some help.
Dr. John Sturgis: I promise.
Meemaw: Well, good. I worry about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You do?
Meemaw: Of course.
Dr. John Sturgis: That means a lot.

Meemaw: So how come it's taken us so long to hang out?
Brenda Sparks: Well... my husband never left me before.
Meemaw: We can joke about it? Good. 'Cause that's gonna make this night way easier.

Brenda Sparks: I-I'll handle this. To friends.
Meemaw: [laughs] And to Brenda's crap husband who made this night possible.
Mary: Mom.
Meemaw: It's okay, she said we could joke about it.

Meemaw: It's nice you're taking Brenda out.
Mary: I'm glad someone thinks I can be fun.
Meemaw: Who said fun? I said "nice."
Meemaw: Okay, well, if you're so fun, where would you go?
Meemaw: It's not rocket science. She just wants to go out to a bar and have some laughs.
Mary: I can do that.
Meemaw: You don't sound too sure.
Mary: It's been a while, but there's no reason...
Meemaw: You want me to come?
Mary: I'll pay for all your drinks.
Meemaw: You gonna regret that. [chuckles]

Meemaw: You ready to start dating again?
Brenda Sparks: I think I need some time.
Meemaw: Well, if you change your mind, there's a gentleman over here at the bar who would like us to see his butt crack. [laughs]

Brenda Sparks: Now, I think he cared more about those stupid chickens than he did me.
Meemaw: Oh, that's not true.
Brenda Sparks: He took them when he left.
Meemaw: Okay, that's a tough one. Give me a sec.