Meemaw: How's your sex cramp, old man?
Dale: Athletes get cramps all the time. It comes from dehydration, overexertion.
Meemaw: I'll give you the dehydration, but I didn't see any overexertion, though.
Dale: Why, Connie?
Meemaw: 'Cause it's fun.

Dale: So I'll spend tomorrow night at my place.
Meemaw: Yep.
Dale: [sighs] Oh, thank God. [Meemaw gets up] Where you going?
Meemaw: Think I might have to crank up the AC.
Dale: 'Cause I said "thank God"?
Meemaw: No fooling you.

Mandy: Why are you here?
Meemaw: Uh, I- I had a medical thing. It- It's been handled. Here, let me help you to your room.
Mandy: What kind of thing?
Meemaw: [stammers] Just a thing. It's been tended to. How- How far apart are your contractions?
Mandy: Connie, what's going on?
Meemaw: It's hemorrhoids, okay? It's embarrassing, but here we are. Hemorrhoids, hemorrhoids, hemorrhoids! Happy?
Mandy: Well, I'm about four centimeters dilated, and the doctors think it could be another few hours.
Meemaw: Well... Good. Walk slow.

Meemaw: My advice, take all the drugs they offer.
Mandy: I plan to.

Mary: I remember those days.
Meemaw: Me, too. Boy, were you a crier.
Mary: Sorry.
Meemaw: Too little, too late.

Mary: It's okay, sweetie, Nana's here.
George Jr.: Nana? Who picked that?
Mary: I did.
George Jr.: Why ain't you another meemaw?
Meemaw: 'Cause I'm the only meemaw.

Sheldon: Mom!
Meemaw: Ah. There they are!
Mary: Hey. Oh.
Meemaw: Ha! I lost the little rascals in the hall.

Meemaw: Okay, now, what are we talking about here? Sheldon is intelligent and responsible, and Missy is ... his sister.

Meemaw: Let me buy you a drink, and we'll talk about this. I'm more on your side than you think.
Brenda Sparks: Somehow, I doubt that.
Meemaw: It's true. Don't you think I realize that Mary can be a bit-
Brenda Sparks: Of a self-righteous bitch?
Meemaw: I was gonna say "challenging," but sure, let's go with yours. It's got a nice rhythm.

Mary: I'm starting to worry about you.
Meemaw: I just had a little too much to drink. So what?
Mary: If you're upset about Dr. Sturgis, that's okay.
Meemaw: I'm not upset. I don't care.
Mary: So you don't care that I saw him last night?
Meemaw: No. I hope he's great.
Mary: Okay.
Meemaw: Is he great?
Mary: He seemed okay.
Meemaw: Tell it to somebody who cares.

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah?
Meemaw: Are you doing okay?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, getting fired was tough, but I'm glad to be back here in town.
Meemaw: Mm.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm glad you're back, too.
Meemaw: But if you feel yourself slipping again, promise me you'll get some help.
Dr. John Sturgis: I promise.
Meemaw: Well, good. I worry about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You do?
Meemaw: Of course.
Dr. John Sturgis: That means a lot.

Jake: Hey, there, Connie.
Meemaw: What do you want?
Jake: Is that any way to greet an officer of the law?
Meemaw: Sorry. What do you want?
Jake: I hear you're back in business.
Meemaw: We're not breaking any laws. [chuckles] People are just winning these prizes.
Jake: That you buy back for cash.
Meemaw: It's a gray area.

Meemaw: I took a real beating at the craps table, and then I won it all back playing Caribbean Stud Poker.
George Sr.: Well, how does Caribbean Stud Poker work?
Meemaw: I have no idea. I was drunk off my ass.