Mary: I know you like to just keep driving, and get where you're going, but you can't ignore his bathroom schedule.
George Sr.: I know.
Mary: He goes number one first thing in the morning, then again in the afternoon, once more in the late afternoon, say 4:00/4:30, depending on his juice intake, and then, a quick piddle before bedtime.
George Sr.: "Piddle". Got it.
Mary: Now, number two's a little trickier.

George Sr.: Mary? Relax. I can take care of my son.
Mary: I know.
George Sr.: Good.
Mary: I'm just saying, if he's upset or nervous, he can get all clogged up.
George Sr.: I won't let that happen.

[in bed together]
George Sr.: Hot damn!
Mary: George, language!

Mary: Just so you know, Sheldon and Missy won the three-legged race because she told him a bee was chasing them, and you missed it.

George Sr.: I'm sorry, I-I just needed a break from your mother.
Mary: Yeah, well, you took a break from your family. How long is this feud between you two gonna go on?
George Sr.: That's up to her.
Mary: You are both such stubborn donkey butts! [Missy laughing] Missy, go to bed!
Missy: You don't know it's me.

Missy: I thought Dad was coming.
Mary: No, he had work to do.
Missy: What kind of work?
Mary: I don't know. Coaching stuff.
Missy: Can't he do it after the picnic?
Mary: No, Missy, he cannot.
Missy: Why not?
Mary: Enough.

Sheldon: Are you and Dad getting a divorce?
Mary: 'Course not.
Sheldon: Well, if you do, I want to live with you.
Mary: Sheldon, no one's getting a divorce. But thank you, honey.

Meemaw: Now, this is for your eyes only. You're not to share it with anybody.
George Sr.: I never I would never. [reading the note] You're a horrible person.
George Jr.: What'd it say?
Missy: I want to know what it said.
Sheldon: Me, too.
George Sr.: Just eat.
Mary: Can I read it? [reading the note] You are a horrible person.

Mary: All right, that's enough about the brisket. You kids excited for the church picnic tomorrow?
George Jr.: Not really.
Missy: I don't know.
Mary: Oh, come on. You all saw the flier. The three "F"s: food, fun and fellowship.

George Sr.: Oh, he's been in there quite a while.
Mary: Well, if the topic is science, he can be a real Chatty Patty.

George Sr.: We can't keep putting up with this behavior. We need to ground him.
Mary: How? If you say "No playing outside," he says, "Thank you."

Sheldon: Mom, can you take me to Radio Shack?
Mary: Not today, baby. I have to go food shopping and get dinner started.
Sheldon: But it's important.
Mary: Sorry. Maybe over the weekend.
Sheldon: But it won't take that long.
Mary: Sheldon, I said no.
Sheldon: But, Mom-
Mary: Not another word.

Mary: I think he's feeling left out now that you and Sheldon are spending so much time together.
George Sr.: Are you kiddin' me? You're always saying to find something in common with Sheldon. And now that I have, you're telling me I'm ignoring Georgie?
Mary: I'm not saying that. I'm just reminding you that you got two sons.
George Sr.: I know. I also got a daughter I need to spend more time with.
Mary: You do. But I wouldn't worry about her. She's an angel.

Mary: Georgie, turn that down!
George Jr.: What?
Mary: (turns off the music) And look at this room. You need to clean this mess up.
George Jr.: I'll get to it later.
Mary: No, you'll get to it now.
George Jr.: I don't feel like it.
Mary: Well, your feelings have nothing to do with it. And stop throwing that ball.
George Jr.: My room bothers you so much, you clean it.
Mary: That's it! You are grounded!

Mary: Shelly, time to get ready for bed.
Sheldon: But I'm not done.
Mary: Don't you sass me, too, young man. Brush your teeth and get to bed.

Tam: Good evening, Mrs. Cooper. Can I speak to Sheldon?
Mary: No, you can't speak to Sheldon. It's late. He's in bed.
Tam: Oh. I was hoping he might like to go to a party with me.
Mary: Has everyone lost their mind? He's a little boy, Tam! Good night!

Mary: (to the guy who doubted Sheldon's tactics) Oh, booyah!

Mary: I got to tell you, I'm a little worried about my mother. She keeps betting on these football games, next thing you know, there's an Italian fella driving off with her pickup truck.

George Sr.: You think Sheldon's right?
Mary: About what?
George Sr.: The punting and the math.
Mary: I should think so. He's been doing our taxes since he's six years old. We never been audited.
George Sr.: That's true.
Mary: He even got us that nice refund last year.

Gerome: What the hell? Punt!
Mary: Statistically, they're better off going for it.
Gerome: Says who?
Mary: My little boy.