Mary: And remember, if anybody bothers you, what do you say?
Sheldon: My dad's a football coach.
Mary: And?
Sheldon: My brother's a football player.
Mary: Good.

Mary: What am I supposed to do? His feet are growing.
George Sr.: Why can't he wear Georgie's old shoes?
Mary: He won't hold your hand. You think he's gonna put his feet in his brother's smelly shoes?

Missy: Mom, Sheldon can't find his bow-tie.
Mary: Really? I laid it out for him.
George Sr.: Leave it alone, Mary. He doesn't need a bow-tie.
Mary: It's his first day of school. Let him wear what he wants.

Sheldon: I'll go with you, Mom.
Missy: Why are you going? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: No, but I believe in Mom.
Mary: I'll take it.

Mary: That's enough. No one's adopted.
Missy: I wish I was.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Sheldon: Hey, mom, look. That girl's pregnant.
Mary: Congratulations.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Lord, look after my son. Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag.