Sheldon: She wasn't wrong. Studies do support that your sense of taste changes over time.
Tam: So the bread's the same and you're different?
Sheldon: Apparently so. Nope, it's the bread.

Sheldon: Would you like to join me in my shenanigans?
Tam: No, thanks.
Sheldon: Aren't you concerned about being a maladjusted adult?
Tam: Nah. I'll just marry an American woman and hope she can fix me.

George Jr.: I thought Paige was your friend.
Sheldon: She's more of a colleague.
George Jr.: Oh.
Sheldon: Although for reasons unknown, she's currently behaving like a ten-year-old.
Mary: Maybe that's because she is a ten-year-old.
Sheldon: Still no excuse.

[As Sheldon finally retrieves the errant piece of hot dog meat from under the refrigerator:]
Sheldon: Whew. That was driving me crazy. Thank you for getting me into college.

Missy: Hey, Mom, can Paige sleep over this weekend?
Mary: I guess, if her mother says okay.
Sheldon: Wait, where is she going to sleep?
Missy: In your bed. You can sleep on the couch.
Sheldon: Absolutely not. I've already changed my brand of loafers, I am not changing my sleeping quarters.

Meemaw: Yeah?
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, this is John Sturgis.
Meemaw: Well, hello, John Sturgis. How are you?
Dr. John Sturgis: I chipped a tooth on a peach pit this morning, but otherwise, I'm okay.

George Jr.: I also hung a cross over the bed for you. It's just Popsicle sticks and glitter. I glued it together in Sunday school when I was a kid. [Veronica starts crying] Is-is it too much? I can take it down.
Veronica: [SNIFFLES] No, it's it's really sweet.
Sheldon: Why are you crying? Did Georgie bring up your unfortunate home life?
Veronica: Uh, no.
Sheldon: Good. My mom said not to, so that you would be comfortable.
Veronica: Thank you.
Sheldon: [staring] Are you comfortable?

George Sr.: Hold on. Are you firing her?
Pastor Jeff: No, no, just a little leave of absence till things settle down.
Pastor Rob: Is that really necessary?
Pastor Jeff: I believe it is. As leaders of this church, we are held to a higher standard.
Mary: Are you asking us to leave the church?
Pastor Jeff: Of course not.
George Sr.: Y'all talk a big game about community, and then you just turn your back when things get a little messy.
Pastor Rob: Okay, let's just take a breath.
George Sr.: You do that. We're leaving. Come on, Mary.
Pastor Jeff: George, let's talk this through.
George Sr.: I've heard enough. I'll be in the truck. [exits]

Missy: And then Heather B said she didn't want to play tetherball with Heather M anymore.
George Sr.: Wait. Th-There's two Heathers?
Missy: Oh, yeah.
George Sr.: Which one's which?
Missy: Heather B is stuck up. Heather M used to be stuck up, but then she got a scoliosis brace.
George Sr.: Maybe she shouldn't be playing tetherball.
Missy: That's what Heather B said.

Dr. John Sturgis: He's like a young version of me, but without corrective shoes.

Meemaw: I have only seen you eat vanilla ice cream for dessert. Why is that?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I've taken a page from the great physicist Richard Feynman. In order to have one less decision in his life, he decided that dessert would always be chocolate ice cream.
Meemaw: Sounds like it could get kind of boring.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, it does. But over the last 35 years, I believe I've saved at least a day and a half.

Meemaw: Well, you have to let me cook for you sometime.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I enjoy cooking for you. It's a means of expressing my affection. It also allows me to control the amount of garlic, which gives me the burps.
Meemaw: Well, I do make a mean barbecue, and I promise I can make it garlic-free.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent! Next time, you can express your affection for me.

George Sr.: [plunging] Maybe I'm being punished. Maybe I'm a bad person. That went in my mouth.

Missy: How about a Houston Oilers cheerleader? "Signs point to yes." I'm gonna marry a quarterback.

Sheldon: Should I go left or right?
Meemaw: Why don't you try going in that cave?
Sheldon: Why would I do that? It's probably dangerous.
Meemaw: Sheldon, they wouldn't have put the cave there if they didn't want you to go in it.
Sheldon: Seems unnecessarily reckless, but okay. "Dark and dangerous." I told you.
Meemaw: Just keep going.
Sheldon: The box was right, my heart is pounding.

Pastor Jeff: Hey, Mary. What's up?
Mary: Can I speak with you about a spiritual matter?
Pastor Jeff: My sweet spot. Sit. What's the buzz? Tell me, what's a-happenin'? Jesus Christ Superstar. It's a great show.

Mary: Oh, you're selling his golf clubs, too?
Meemaw: Which one of your children do you see hanging out with Arnold Palmer in the future?

Sheldon: Ew. Georgie, put your shoes back on!
George Jr.: He can't smell this.
Sheldon: Yes, I can!

Mary: Why aren't you eating, Sheldon?
Sheldon: How can I with that horrible noise?
Mary: What noise?
Sheldon: That irritating, high-pitched buzz.
George Jr.: I don't hear nothin'.
George Sr.: Me, neither.
Sheldon: How can you not?
Missy: Wait. I think I hear it.
Sheldon: You do?
Missy: Yeah. It's coming out of your face.

Mary: Pastor Jeff, are you still looking for a topic for this week's sermon?
Pastor Jeff: You mean the one I'm doing in 20 minutes?
Mary: Sorry, silly question.
Pastor Jeff: No. What do you got? I was gonna do Noah's ark, but Sheldon's gonna eat me alive, like those two lions would've done to those two giraffes.
Mary: Well, I've been thinking about the importance of being neighborly.