Missy: I'll tell him.
Mary: You stay out of this.
Sheldon: Tell me what?
Mandy: Well, for God's sake. Me and Georgie and the baby have been staying in your room.
Sheldon: Oh, that makes sense. I was out of town, there was a tornado, you needed a place to live.
Georgie: So you're okay with it?
Sheldon: Oh, no, I'm home now. Get out.

George: All right, it's been a long day, everybody's tired. Why don't you just sleep on the couch and we'll figure this out tomorrow, hmm?
Sheldon: Fine. Oh.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: My ears finally popped. Testing, testing. One, two, three. Testing.
Missy: So, Sheldon's home.
Sheldon: Hello? Hello? Somebody say something.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper.
Evan: What?
Sheldon: I finished reading, and my name's Sheldon Cooper.
Evan: Wh... You finished it?
Sheldon: Yes.
Evan: No, you didn't. Uh... How can I program this with a reduced instruction set?
Sheldon: Use a lexicographic ordering algorithm.
Evan: [scoffs] Impressive. You should major in computer science.
Sheldon: [laughs] No, thanks, I'll stick to real science.

Evan: Wh... Dude, this is the future. I mean, computers are gonna change the whole world.
Sheldon: Maybe commerce, communications, media and banking, but nothing important.
Evan: [scoffs] Uh, what's so important about what you're studying?
Sheldon: String theory, where do I begin? It explains everything. It unifies the fundamental forces in an elegant way.
Evan: Yeah, but what does it do?
Sheldon: Hmm... Get out.

Sheldon: [toilet flushes] Well, that was Chernobyl-adjacent.
Evan: Sorry, still getting used to Tex-Mex.
Sheldon: You don't have to be from Texas to flush.
Evan: Noted.

Evan: You, uh, grow up around here?
Sheldon: Medford. It's not as nice as it sounds.
Evan: Oh. Yeah, now you ask where I'm from.
Sheldon: I don't do that.
Evan: Cool. Oh, so what is the girl situation here?
Sheldon: I don't do that either.
Evan: You into guys?
Sheldon: I'm into science. Everything else is a distraction.

Sheldon: Ooh, that's a big gun. How'd you do that?
Evan: I just put in the cheat code.
Sheldon: Excuse me? I do not cheat.
Evan: Wh... No, it's not cheating, you know, it's- it's like a-a secret command that gives you extra powers.
Sheldon: And it's called a what code?
Evan: Wh... No. It's part of the game, you know. They build it in.
Sheldon: So you condone cheating?
Evan: Yeah, but, you know, with a wink.
Sheldon: I don't like winking either.
Evan: What's wrong with winking?
Sheldon: At the end of the day, it leaves you with an uneven number of blinks per eye.

Evan: That's insane.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm insane? You're the cheating winker. Are you from California?
Evan: Oh, now you want to know where I'm from.
Sheldon: I think I know enough. Goodbye.
Evan: Thanks for cleaning up.
Sheldon: You're welcome. Also, the toilet bowl is still disinfecting, so I wouldn't use it for another 20 to 30 minutes.

Evan: Uh, he's helping me write an algorithm so, uh, we can beat the stock market.
Sheldon: Why?
Evan: Uh, well, so we can get rich, buy cool cars and get girls.
Joaquin: But mostly the girls.
Sheldon: Isn't the search for knowledge its own reward?
Evan: Uh, yeah, sure, if the knowledge helps you get girls.
Sheldon: That seems like a lot of unnecessary effort just to meet females.
Evan: Yeah, we've tried talking to them.
Joaquin: Actual disaster.
Evan: You want to help us?
Sheldon: I don't need to meet girls. In fact, I'd like to know fewer people, not more.

Joaquin: You could use the money to buy yourself something fun.
Sheldon: Ooh, like a particle accelerator or 100 tanks of liquid nitrogen.
Joaquin: I was thinking of a hot tub, but okay.
Evan: I can't get you to take a shower, and-and you want a hot tub?
Joaquin: Girls like hot tubs.
Evan: How much would it cost to build a particle accelerator?
Sheldon: Conservatively, four to ten billion dollars.
Evan: Then you need to help us.
Sheldon: Hmm. Well, I haven't done much coding, but I am good at everything. Okay, I'm in charge. Scoot.

Evan: Well, gentlemen, we've doubled our income in a little over eight hours.
Sheldon: I'm gonna need a bigger sock.
Evan: The good news is, our algorithm is working, and it's getting more efficient with every trade.
Sheldon: Which is why we have to stay strong. We can't expect to be millionaires overnight. It'll take... 12 to 14 business days.

Evan: Guys, guys, guys. Chow Fat stock just split. We have 14,000 shares.
Joaquin: So, we created an algorithm that's evolving by itself and becoming a new form of intelligence?
Sheldon: And I, Sheldon Cooper, wholeheartedly think it's terrific. [quietly] It may be listening.

Sheldon: We may have a problem.
Evan: Oh, what's wrong? The program's running really slow. We're losing money.
Joaquin: Well, what's happening? It was fine this morning.
Sheldon: I don't know if this is related, but I did add a new subroutine.
Evan: To do what?
Sheldon: To resolve the inconsistencies between general relativity and quantum mechanics.
Evan: Why would you do that?
Sheldon: Because our algorithm's so smart and it's the biggest unanswered question in the universe.
Evan: But it's messing with the computer. We're losing money.
Joaquin: What about my car? What about girls?
Sheldon: Rest assured, you solve general relativity, the girls will be lined up around the block to kiss you.

Mary: Shelly, everything okay?
Sheldon: No, it is not. Both my computer and my trust have been betrayed.
George: Okay. Well, we-we're with company now. You can fill us in later.
Sheldon: I won't ruin your dinner with the suspense. Evan upgraded my computer.
Jim: Oh. That sounds nice.
Sheldon: He didn't even ask me.
Mary: Is it better?
Sheldon: It's different. What kind of person takes something that doesn't belong to them and changes it behind their back?
Mary: Well, m-maybe he thought he was doing the best thing for your computer.
Sheldon: It's my computer. It should have been my decision. I don't even have a room to storm off to!

Georgie: Let me ask you a question. Can you un-baptize somebody?
Sheldon: Well, since it's a magical ceremony that doesn't mean anything, then, sure, why not? In the name of science and reason, I un-baptize you.
Georgie: No, not me. Put it back.
Sheldon: Oh. Okay. Control-Z. You're baptized.