Sheldon: Next, one Timex brand alarm clock.
Missy: It's yours.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It has a stylish faux-wood finish.
Missy: Fine, I'll take it.
Sheldon: Aw.
Missy: So you want it?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: It's yours.
Sheldon: Thank you. Next, one useful yet educational map of the world trash can.

Sheldon: Missy and I broke a lot of rules the other night, and we've received no punishment.
George: [sighs] Buddy, it's been a rough week. We're just glad you're both safe.
Sheldon: But in the absence of a divine being, society's rules are what keeps a person's morality in check.
George: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: No, y-you're not following me. If actions have no repercussions, society breaks down, everything devolves into chaos.
George: You might be overthinking this.
Sheldon: I thought so, too. Then I thought about it, and I'm not.
George: Sheldon, you had one bad night. Just let it go.
Sheldon: But... I did something wrong and I got away with it. That's not okay.
George: Buddy...
Sheldon: Socrates maintained that the man who lies to himself has an enemy living within. He's not even a person. He's just a chaos of selfish desires wrapped in an animal hide.

Sheldon: Unbelievable. It's either cartoons or men in their underwear banging their heads together.
Ricky: You complain a lot.
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Ricky: Seriously, dude, you need to relax.
Sheldon: How can I relax? I'm being held captive in a bacterial playground.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: Ergo?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Missy: I know what you're doing.
Sheldon: Yes, I'm being thorough about these things so we don't fight about them down the line.
Missy: What you're doing is dragging this out because you don't want me to leave.
Sheldon: No, I'm not.
Missy: Yes, you are.
Sheldon: Do you know the phrase "pish posh"?
Missy: No, and I don't want to.
Sheldon: It's British, and it's used when someone's opinions are absurd. And you're forcing me to use it. Pish posh! Or, more authentically, [English accent] pish posh!
Missy: I'm done. I know what's mine, and I'm taking it.
Adult Sheldon: One day she said the same thing to her first husband. I like to think I prepared her for that moment.

Meemaw: Chet's gonna swing by and finalize the deal.
Dale: Wait, he's coming over here?
Meemaw: Yeah. Why?
Dale: Well, this is a very shady transaction. I mean, it should be taking place under a bridge or in a parking lot somewhere.
Meemaw: I'm handing him a cashier's check. He's giving me the keys.
Dale: He's gonna know where you live.
Meemaw: I'm in the phone book. I'm not hard to find.
Dale: Well, what if he grabs the check and just skedaddles out of here?
Meemaw: He's our age. He isn't skedaddling anywhere.

Adult Sheldon: I've always had a curious affinity for Laundromats. Perhaps it's the rows of mechanical devices dedicated to a cleaner world. Or maybe it's the hypnotic rotation of spinning clothes on their sudsy journey to a fluffy, stain-free future. Mmm, look at 'em. Where was I? Oh, yes. Laundromats. My meemaw also loved them, but for an entirely different reason.
Meemaw: Banana, banana... Whoo! [laughs]
Adult Sheldon: Personally, I don't care for bananas. It's a texture thing.