Darren: "You open the gate of the crypt, and you see two identical elven princesses." Sheldon, what do you do?
Sheldon: I... I don't feel so good.
Darren: What's going on?
Sheldon: My stomach hurts.
Abby: How much did you eat?
Sheldon: Well...
[montage of Sheldon drinking cans of root beer, eating chips and candy]
Darren: Dude.
Sheldon: I need to lie down. [groans] Oh, I don't want to throw up.
Darren: We don't want you to throw up.
Abby: If he throws up, I throw up.
Darren: Well, what should we do?
Abby: I don't know. Why are you asking me?
Darren: You're the closest to a mom here.
Abby: I don't know. Call his mom.
Sheldon: Oh, no, don't call my mom. She'll never let me do this again. [groans]

Darren: Get him something to throw up in. Oscar grabs a bowl] No, not the Skittles.
Oscar: Here, here.
Darren: Here.
Sheldon: Next door there's an emergency Alka-Seltzer tablet in my bathroom medicine chest.
Oscar: You have a bathroom?
Abby: Why does he get a bathroom?
Darren: Go throw up in your own bathroom.

Mary: What is going on? Sheldon, are you okay?
Sheldon: My stomach hurts.
Darren: He's gonna throw up.
Mary: Did you give him beer? Did they give you beer?!
[Mary follows Sheldon, Darren and Oscar into the dorm room]
Sheldon: Just root beer.
Mary: It's gonna be okay, baby. [Sheldon throws up] Oh. Why is it so colorful?
Sheldon: Too many... [gags] Skittles. [retches]

President Hagemeyer: Well, I hope that you're starting to see the challenge I faced putting any of you in charge.
Sheldon: You're right, we're sorry.
Dr. Linkletter: Stop that.
Sheldon: Sorry.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, we can't move forward until a project leader is chosen.
Sheldon: He's right, I'll do it.
Dr. Linkletter: You're a child.
Dr. John Sturgis: [to Linkletter] You're a child.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, you're all children.
Sheldon: Sorry. [to Linkletter] Sorry.

Dr. Lee: I suggest we mount a radio telescope on the roof so that we can get a good read on the fluctuations in radiation.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. We'll pick a small region of the sky and drill down.
Dr. John Sturgis: Whoa, whoa, pump your brakes. We need at least a 45-square-degree sector of the sky in order to take any meaningful readings.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous. What we need to do is cut a single linear section across the horizon.
Dr. Linkletter: No, if we don't focus, we won't get any useful data. I suggest 20 arc minutes max. The trick is to pick a good spot.
Dr. John Sturgis: You want a trick? Go see David Copperfield.
Dr. Linkletter: How about I make you disappear?
Dr. Lee: [claps] Do I need to separate you? Or can we try to put our minds together for the advancement of science?
Dr. Linkletter: The second one.
Sheldon: I know you're new here, ma'am, but this is our process. They argue, I swoop in and save the day. It may seem unorthodox to you, however... [Dr. Lee claps again] The- The second one.

Dr. Lee: I was carrying pulsers 75 feet up a wet metal ladder when there was an earthquake. [chuckles] So, I am hanging on for dear life...
Sheldon: Ooh, we should set up several radio telescopes on different rooftops in an array.
Dr. Lee: [Mandarin: "Does this kid have an off switch?"]
Dr. John Sturgis: You speak Mandarin.
Dr. Linkletter: [Mandarin: "I do. I take it you do as well?"]
Dr. John Sturgis: [Mandarin: "Yes. And Sheldon doesn't have an off switch..."]
Sheldon: I heard my name. What are they saying?
Dr. Linkletter: I don't speak Mandarin. Just a little French.
Dr. Lee: Oh, really? [French: "I asked if Sheldon has an off switch."]
Dr. Linkletter: Ha! [French: "I wish he did!"] [laughter]
Sheldon: Well, does anyone here speak Klingon? [Klingon: "Where do you keep the chocolate?"]

Dr. Lee: How can I help you?
Sheldon: I feel like my contributions aren't being taken seriously.
Dr. Lee: Oh, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm listening to everyone's contributions.
Sheldon: But you're not taking any of mine.
Dr. Lee: No. But Drs. Linkletter and Sturgis seem happy with the direction we're headed.
Sheldon: Well, I think it's because you're using your feminine wiles.
Dr. Lee: And what exactly do you think that means?
Sheldon: I'm not sure, but you are wearing lip gloss and seem to have good hygiene. And if you're trying to use them on me, it's not going to work.
Dr. Lee: Sheldon, I assure you that I'm just trying to do what's best for the project.
Sheldon: Excellent, then you'll want to set up several telescopes in an array.
Dr. Lee: I hear you, but... ghobe'.
Sheldon: Wait, that's "no" in Klingon. Do you speak Klingon?
Dr. Lee: I looked up that one word. I had a feeling it would come in handy. [Sheldon grunts]

Sheldon: In the meantime, can I call AAA?
Mary: Can it please wait?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: [sighs] Card is in my purse.
Sheldon: You're what guys call "a keeper."

Sheldon: Oh. Says here Fort Stockton is home to the world's largest roadrunner statue, which is the stuff of nightmares. But they do have a restroom.

Sheldon: You might want to pace yourself. Our next rest stop isn't for another... 62 miles.
Dr. Linkletter: If anyone needs to go before that, I've got a trucker's buddy in back.
Sheldon: What's that?
Dr. Linkletter: A bottle you urinate in.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, are we the Donner Party?

Pat: Look, you seem like nice folk, but Yankees ain't popular around here. I suggest you be on your way.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry to have troubled you. Let's go.
Sheldon: Excuse me. My colleagues may be from the North, but for your information, I'm a Texan, born and bred. I know that real chili has no beans, and when my meemaw says, "Bless your heart," she means something very different. Now, my friend here is in need of help, and since our state motto is literally "friendship," may he please use your phone?
Pat: Well, dang. [puts the phone on the bar]
Dr. John Sturgis: And could I trouble you for a yellow pages?
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, boy.

Missy: You have a calculator I can borrow?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm using it.
Missy: No, you're not.
Sheldon: [Sheldon taps his head] Why do you need a calculator?
Missy: I'm trying to figure out what to spend my money on. What are you gonna do with yours?
Sheldon: I'm glad you asked. I'm dipping my toe in the exciting world of the stock market by purchasing three shares of RadioShack.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: Well, as a shareholder, I'll be partial owner of my very favorite company. See, when companies go public, they sell shares of stock...
Missy: I'll just buy my own calculator.

Adult Sheldon: I'd only been a shareholder for one day and I was already reveling in the giddy thrill in being part owner of a thriving tech company.
Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, RadioShack. Sheldon Cooper, shareholder. I just wanted to let you know I'm so excited to be part of the team. While I sound young, rest assured, I'm far more intelligent than my age would imply. So if there's anything I can do to help, budgeting, product design, finding a word more impressive than "shack," I'm your man.

Adult Sheldon: My sister had taken a different path with her money.
Sheldon: What is that?
Missy: It's a cotton candy machine.
Sheldon: Why?
Missy: It's a machine that makes free cotton candy.
Sheldon: It's not free, you paid for it.
Missy: Meemaw paid for it. And it's still better than lame stocks.
Sheldon: You're going to end up with a stomachache while I get to be part of America's favorite electronics retailer.

Adult Sheldon: While my sister was starting her business, I was trying to save mine.
Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. May I speak to CEO John Roach, please? It's regarding our stock taking a small dip, and I'd like to hear his game plan. Well, I'm busy, too, but I made the time to call. Fine, may I please speak to your COO? CFO? CTO? Hello?

Sheldon: Mom, savor this moment. Can you take me to church?
Mary: Uh, I'm a little busy. Can it wait?
Sheldon: No. I've come up with a plan to bolster RadioShack's market share, and I need to fax it to corporate.
Mary: I'll tell you what, I'll take it with me in the morning and do it then.
Sheldon: But our stock is in a slump, and CompUSA is nipping at our heels.
Mary: If you really want to be helpful, you could set the table.
Sheldon: Why should I help you with your job if you won't help me with mine?
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: This is important. My plan is to turn RadioShack into a shopping destination, a megastore complete with restaurants and games and electronics. Kind of like Six Flags, except with less screaming and vomit.
Mary: I'm not taking you.
Sheldon: How can I be a business tycoon if my mommy won't drive me places?

Sheldon: [on the phone] What do you mean, he hasn't read my fax? Is he aware I'm a shareholder? Well, where's the next shareholders' meeting? Fort Worth? I could barely get my mom to drive me to church.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Well, I'll just tell you, then. Imagine an electronics megastore. Actually, "mega" doesn't cut it. Imagine an electronics yottastore. Yotta. It's ten to the 24th power. No, don't put me on hold. [groans]

Paige: You didn't stay for the Q and A.
Sheldon: I had no Q's, and therefore, needed no A's.

Paige: You got a roommate?
Sheldon: No, it's a single.
Paige: I have a chaperone. Mona. She's, like, 30. It's the worst.
Sheldon: Why do you need a chaperone?
Paige: Maybe they think I'm, like, some kind of troublemaker.
Sheldon: As the owner of the face you punched, they're right.