Paige: Your neighbors let you hang out with them?
Sheldon: I'm basically the social glue of our floor.

Paige: So, did you guys get, like, assigned to look after Sheldon or something?
Darren: No, he ended up in the room next door.
Oscar: So we took him in, like a dog.
Paige: Him being so young isn't, like, weird?
Sheldon: I'm basically 50.
Darren: And we're basically 12, so it all works out.

Darren: Do you play D&D?
Paige: No. I actually just sit in my dorm room and study because I have no friends.
Darren: That's a bummer.
Paige: Yeah. I think I'm gonna go. [exits]
Sheldon: Bye.
Darren: You should go after her.
Sheldon: Why? She's a bummer, you just said so.

Sheldon: Can you settle an argument? I said you're fine. Darren and Oscar said you're not fine.
Paige: [scoffs] Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm completely alone, and the one person I thought would understand is having the time of his life.
Sheldon: So... just to clarify...?
Paige: They're right, you're wrong.
Sheldon: Dang it.

Sheldon: I thought you were going back to Austin?
Paige: Uh, I'm not going back. I'm gonna drop out.
Sheldon: What? Where will you go?
Paige: I was thinking here, in your dorm.
Sheldon: Here?
Paige: Well, I mean, just for a couple days until I can figure out how to tell my mom.
Sheldon: I don't know.
Paige: Please? I don't have anywhere else to go, and... as embarrassing as this is to admit... you're the only person who can help me right now.
Sheldon: [sighs] Okay.
Paige: Thanks.
Sheldon: It's the least I can do. My life is going so much better than yours.

Sheldon: Paige is staying in my dorm room, and I'm making her a care package.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: She wants to drop out of college, and she hasn't told her parents yet.
Missy: And she came to you?
Sheldon: She said I'm the only one who would understand.
Missy: Do you?
Sheldon: Nope.

Missy: What else you bringing her?
Sheldon: Toothbrush, toothpaste, pajamas, and these feminine napkins. Is one box enough?
Missy: Should be plenty.
Sheldon: I hope so. She's been awfully moody.
Missy: Maybe you aren't the best person to be handling this.
Sheldon: Agreed, but I'm all she's got.
Missy: I feel like you should tell Mom.
Sheldon: I promised I wouldn't.
Missy: I know, but this sounds serious.
Sheldon: I got her a toothbrush and lady pads, what more can I do?

Sheldon: Oh, I'm assuming you heard the bad news.
Mary: What news?
Sheldon: Isaac Asimov died.
Mary: Oh, no, is that one of your school friends?
Sheldon: What? No, he's one of the most prolific science fiction writers in the history of the genre.
George Sr.: Never heard of him.
Sheldon: Sure you have. He wrote I, Robot, the Foundation trilogy.
George Sr.: Nope.
Sheldon: Nightfall? The Posotronic Man?
George Sr.: You ever heard of this guy?
Mary: Mm-mm.
Sheldon: Caves of Steel. Hostess. The Naked Sun?
George Sr.: Whoever he is, sorry he died. Gotta go. Bye.
Mary: Bye.
Adult Sheldon: Astonishing. Asimov wrote almost 500 books, which was apparently 500 more than my family had read.

Meemaw: You haven't said a thing about my new car.
Sheldon: Oh. I hate it.

Sheldon: Guess what. Dr. Sturgis, Dr. Linkletter and I are starting an Isaac Asimov book club.
Meemaw: That's nice.
Sheldon: I'm glad you think so because you should join.
Meemaw: And I think... no.
Sheldon: But this is perfect for you.
Meemaw: Why?
Sheldon: Because three smart people will be there to explain things that go over your head.
Meemaw: I'm gonna bonk you over your head in a minute.

Sheldon: What if it's just a short story? Would you read it then?
Meemaw: Why do you care if I read this?
Sheldon: Let's see. Perhaps it has something to do with Pop Pop dying before we ever got to discuss the books he gave me.
Meemaw: How short a story?
Sheldon: Nightfall's only 30 pages.
Meemaw: Fine.
Sheldon: Excellent. Why did you change your mind?
Meemaw: Because you made me feel bad about my dead husband.
Sheldon: Neat.

Sheldon: Is this because Coach Ballard got upset and broke up with you?
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: You two broke up? I'm sorry to hear that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Terrible news.
Dr. Linkletter: Terrible. Terrible.
Meemaw: It's okay. I'm over it.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great.
Sheldon: Look at the four of us talking about Isaac Asimov!

Sheldon: [knocking] [o.s.] Hello?
Mary: Yeah, baby?
Sheldon: [o.s.] I was just wondering where everyone was.
Mary: Uh, we're just in here talking. We'll be out in a little bit. Everything okay?
Sheldon: [o.s.] I'm fine. But Missy's watching a movie called Porky's.
Mary: I don't know what that is.
George Jr.: That one's rough.
George Sr.: Not good.
Mary: I'll be right back in, baby.
Sheldon: Hmm. [walks away]

Sheldon: Mom, have you seen my Thursday socks? I looked in my drawer and I could only find Wednesday and Friday.
Mary: Thursday's are in the dryer.
Sheldon: Mm. [opens dryer] Oh. Here's the little rascals.

Sheldon: What do you think is going on?
Missy: I don't know, but I'm telling you, it's bad.
Sheldon: Not necessarily. Maybe they're planning a surprise party for us.
Missy: Our birthday isn't for months.
Sheldon: True. Maybe they needed some lead time. You can't expect Stephen Hawking to roll in at a moment's notice.

George Sr.: Come on, I'm taking you both to school. Let's move it. [exits]
Missy: He looks terrible.
Sheldon: He has had heart problems, plus he's been having a rough time at work.
Missy: Not to mention he's pretty chunky.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. I wonder if RadioShack makes a defibrillator.

Missy: [groans] Mom and Dad are still really upset.
Sheldon: With good reason. She's awfully old to be having a baby.
Missy: Is it really dangerous?
Sheldon: Not with modern science, but back in pioneer times, we'd be burying her down by the crick.
Missy: I'm just saying they're cranky enough, so don't be a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: I'm always on my best behavior. You're the hormonal firecracker around here.
Missy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: And thar she blows. Moby Dick. It's a book.

George Sr.: Where the hell's my travel mug?
Mary: I think Georgie took it, dear.
George Sr.: That son of a gun.
Mary: Missy, your father's gonna take you to school today.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy. I hope it's not too much trouble.
George Sr.: [smiles] No trouble at all, my little angel. [Mary smiles at Missy, too]
Sheldon: [to Missy] Why'd you say they're cranky? They're fine.

Sheldon: Are they getting married?
Mary: We don't know, but probably.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: [scoffs] It would be better for them and better for the baby.
George Sr.: And better for you so your church friends don't get bent out of shape.
Mary: We'll talk about this later.
Sheldon: Ooh, a subcommittee just formed. Exciting.

Mary: The important thing is, is that you both need to keep this quiet. This is family business.
Sheldon: I have to keep a secret? I'm not good at those.
George Sr.: It's not a secret. No one's gonna ask you about it. It's just a thing you don't need to bring up.
Sheldon: But what if I do?
George Sr.: What if you don't?
Sheldon: But now it's all I can think about. What if my mouth loses control?
Mary: You're good at keeping promises, right?
Sheldon: Very. Great.
Mary: Then promise you won't tell anybody.
Sheldon: That's an interesting work-around. However...
Mary: You're not telling anyone.
Sheldon: Fine.