Sheldon: [emerging from the boys' room] Well, that was revolting.
Mary: [arriving at Sheldon's homeroom] All right. This is your homeroom. Do you want me to go in with you?
Sheldon: No. Although I could've used you in the restroom.

Sheldon: Okay. Let the learning begin.

Ms. MacElroy: What?
Sheldon: Also in violation of the grooming code on page 48, article five, subsection B, you have a bit of a mustache.

Ms. Fenley: Do you know this sonata?
Sheldon: No.
Ms. Fenley: How long have you played the piano?
Sheldon: I don't play piano.

Ms. Fenley: You have perfect pitch.
Sheldon: Okay.
Ms. Fenley: Sweetheart, you should really pursue music.
Sheldon: No, thank you. Musicians take drugs. Is there a faculty restroom I could use?

Sheldon: You know what I find comforting?
Mary: What's that, baby?
Sheldon: In a world filled with uncertainty, this place will be here forever.

Ms. Hutchins: Hey there, Sheldon. What can I get for you today? Chemistry? Quantum mechanics? Astronomy?
Sheldon: No, nothing fun today. I need to learn how to make a friend.

Ms. Hutchins: Aw, honey, you having a hard time adjusting to high school?
Sheldon: I'm having a hard time adjusting to Earth.

Sheldon: Hello, gentlemen. Did you watch any sports programs over the weekend? That's what I like about Or perhaps did some kissing with girls? Can you hear me?

Sheldon: Greetings from stall number one. As much as I detest that odd-smelling cigarette, I do applaud your rule-breaking bravado. My name is Sheldon. What's yours?

Sheldon: Go Wolves.
Lisa May: What?
Sheldon: You're a cheerleader, and by saying "Go Wolves," I'm initiating a conversation about something that interests you.
Lisa May: Oh, are you one of those special ed kids?
Sheldon: My mom says I'm special. Would you like to be friends?
Lisa May: I don't think so.
Sheldon: Are you sure? What if I told you I admired your boldly-applied makeup?

Sheldon: Hello, George.
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: I do admire your thick head of hair George.
George Sr.: Thanks. What's going on?
Sheldon: Well, I'm practicing the principles in this book.
George Sr.: Why?
Sheldon: Well, I know Mom is concerned that I don't have any friends, so I'm determined to remedy the situation.
George Sr.: Oh.
Sheldon: George.
George Sr.: Well, good for you.
Sheldon: Do you feel complimented when I say your name, George? The book says you should. George.
George Sr.: I suppose. Kind of overdoing it a little, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for your criticism. It also says I should praise any improvements that you've made.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: I'll get back to you. George.

Missy: 95, 96, 97. 99, 100.
Sheldon: You missed 11 numbers.
Missy: I don't need to be good at math. I have beautiful hair.
Sheldon: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Sheldon: That's brilliant. Mm. Now, how is it that you can't count?

Mary: So how's it going?
Sheldon: Well, the principles in the book didn't work for me at all. Although Dad does like being called George over and over again, so you might give that a try.

Mary: Baby, you don't have to go to any trouble for me.
Sheldon: But I like doing things for you. You're a nice lady.

Mary: But if the book's not working-
Sheldon: It isn't. But I realized if I find the other people who checked out the book, they'd be looking for friends, too.
Mary: That's really smart.
Sheldon: Missy thought of it.
Mary: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I'm as surprised as you are.

Tam: Is that any good?
Sheldon: I'm afraid not. I failed to make a single friend.
Tam: That sucks. I have a tough time making friends, too.
Sheldon: The worst part is, it was important to my mom.
Tam: My parents pressure me about making friends all the time.
Sheldon: So you understand what I'm going through.

Sheldon: Oh, I read that book. It's excellent.
Tam: Are you into rocketry?
Sheldon: I started with water propulsion, worked my way up to solid fuel, then went back to water after I set our garage on fire.

Sheldon: Well, good luck on your quest to find a friend.
Tam: You, too.
Sheldon: (Leaves the library, comes back a moment later) If you haven't found one yet, I have good news.