Sheldon: Hello, Bobbi.
Bobbi Sparks: You told on me.
Sheldon: Well, actually, my brother figured it out, so, technically, I would argue that I didn't.
Bobbi Sparks: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon: Uh, I should let you know, I've read a book on jiu-jitsu. And I'm prepared to throw it at you.

Mary: And regarding this jiu-jitsu stuff, you should know that a man's not supposed to raise his hand to a woman.
Sheldon: Oh, I won't. I don't want to hurt myself again.

Mary: Why didn't you call for help?
Sheldon: I tried, but no sound came out.
Mary: You poor thing.
Sheldon: It was very dirty up there. Is cleaning the garage your job or Dad's?

Sheldon: Hello, I'd like to speak with the veterinarian. Well, I was hoping you might have one or two dogs under anesthesia that I might come by and pet. Sure, I'll hold.

Meemaw: Hey, Moonpie. I got you a little something to help you get over your fear of animals.
Sheldon: A tranquilizer gun?

Meemaw: Well, I thought you could start small and then work your way up. Look, he's kind of cute.
Sheldon: He doesn't even care that I'm here. I like him.

Sheldon: And then she said for grown-ups to get to know each other, they have to have time alone.
Dr. John Sturgis: Makes sense. What else?
Sheldon: Apparently my being underfoot isn't conducive to romance.
Dr. John Sturgis: This is very helpful. Thank you.
Sheldon: I'm at your service.

Meemaw: Yes?
Sheldon: How's it going?
Meemaw: It's Sheldon again.
Sheldon: What do you mean "again"?
Meemaw: Speak.
Sheldon: I recently read an article about a superconducting supercollider that might be built in Texas.
Meemaw: What about it?
Sheldon: Well, I thought if there was a lull in your dinner conversation, you might casually drop it as an icebreaker.
Meemaw: Our dinner conversation is going just fine.
Sheldon: Well, now you have it in your back pocket. Carry on.

Sheldon: But I still don't understand.
Meemaw: Your grandmother's a single lady. She's not committed to any one fella, and she wants to see what her options are.
Sheldon: But Dr. Sturgis is the best option.
Mary: Well, you might feel that way, but she's not so sure.
Sheldon: Then we need to tell her. I'll make the call.
Mary: No. We need to mind our business and maybe pray for her to make the right decision.
Sheldon: We're gonna leave this up to God?
Mary: You think you could do a better job than God?
Sheldon: Maybe not with creating the universe, but I bet I could free the Hebrews with one good plague.

Sheldon: I don't want to celebrate too soon, but Meemaw and Mr. Rosenbloom are back, and he was crying. [gives thumbs up] There'll be more updates as they happen.

Sheldon: I'm done. Can I please be excused?
Mary: Good Lord, did you even chew it?
Sheldon: Not the recommended amount, no.

Meemaw: Then why are you in my bed?
Sheldon: I couldn't sleep. Our refrigerator is making a weird noise. But so was one of your nostrils, so don't expect me back tonight.

Mary: How do you plan on delivering these papers?
Sheldon: Bicycle.
Mary: You don't know how to ride a bicycle.
Sheldon: There's nothing I can't learn. A week ago, I didn't know how to take apart a refrigerator.

Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie. You've been a wonderful teacher, and I'm very appreciative that you took the ti- Ah! My hands are black! Why are my hands black?
Georgie: Relax. It's just the ink from the papers.
Sheldon: Why wasn't I warned of this?! [running his hands under a tap] Out, damned spot! That's from Shakespeare!

Tam: What's in the mug?
Sheldon: It's a coffee mug, Tam. What do you think is in it?
Tam: Could be soup.
Sheldon: It's coffee.
Tam: Where'd you get it?
Sheldon: The teachers' lounge. And before you ask, no, I'm not the world's greatest grandpa.