Sheldon: But what if it's scratchy and it's all I can think about?
Dr. Linkletter: It's just armpit hair.
Sheldon: Well, I don't even have it yet and it's already consuming my thoughts.
President Hagemeyer: All right, Sheldon, you are a smart kid. Now, you had to know that this was gonna happen eventually.
Sheldon: I'm a smart kid now, but what will I be in a year?
President Hagemeyer: A smart young man.
Sheldon: And then a smart adult. With money problems and marital strife and every other problem you can think of. I'll probably have a beer belly. Or root beer belly.

[dream sequence:]
Sheldon as George: Something weird's going on.
Sheldon as Mary: Not now, George. I have to finish making the kids' lunches, get them to school, and then go looking for a new job.
Sheldon as George: But I'm turning into my father.
Sheldon as Mary: I don't have time for whatever crisis you're going through. And why are you still wearing that uniform? You don't even work there anymore.
Sheldon as George: Well, maybe nothing else was clean.
Sheldon as Mary: You're a grown man... you can wash your own clothes.
Sheldon as Meemaw: Would you two quit fighting? You ain't the only one with problems.
Sheldon as George: For God's sakes, why are you always here?
Sheldon as Mary: Don't be mean to her.
Sheldon as George: You're mean to me.
Sheldon as Meemaw: I'm just dropping off your mail, fatass. And it's nothing but bills.
Sheldon as Georgie: Just got back from the baby doctor. Mandy's having triplets. Dang it.
Sheldon as George: How we gonna handle all this?
Sheldon as Mary: I guess Sheldon's gonna have to drop out of school and get a job.
Sheldon as Meemaw: I hear the coal mine's hiring.
Sheldon as Georgie: Ain't that too messy for him?
Sheldon as Meemaw: The boy's got to grow up sometime.
Sheldon as George: Ain't that the truth.
Sheldon as Mary: He's got that nasty pimple, so he's well on his way.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: Whoa. Heavy stuff. But like a... caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, things need to get a little weird along the way. [Pus puts the blue caterpillar figure he was holding under a napkin and pulls out a blue butterfly figure] [laughs] How can people not like us? That was awesome. And Pus is available for children's parties. [Pus rubs his fingers together to signal cash]

Missy: What's the problem?
Sheldon: My childhood is ending.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: Look at everyone around us... they're all miserable. Mom and Dad are unemployed. They're constantly fighting. Georgie's having a child.
Missy: First of all, no one's having a kid with you, ever.
Sheldon: Don't be so sure. With this intellect, my genetic material will be a hot commodity. [Missy groans] That's how I feel.

Mary: Go play.
Sheldon: "Go play" if only life were that simple.

Sheldon: Mind if I join you?
Missy: Doing what?
Sheldon: Swinging.
Missy: Seriously?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: It's my hope to feel the wind in my hair and be carefree.
Missy: Um, okay. ... Sheldon threw up on me. Sheldon threw up on me!

Sheldon: [cereal crackling] I hear no snap, I hear no pop, only crackle. [eats] A bowl of lies.

Sheldon: Mom, would you write a note for me?
Mary: Sure.
Missy: You have the coolest excuse. You almost died. Did you see Jesus?
Sheldon: I saw Count Chocula. But feel free to mention my brush with death in the note.

George Sr.: You have any more, uh, arithmetic ideas for next week's game?
Sheldon: I do, but I'm trying to finish my homework.
George Sr.: Ah. Looks complicated.
Sheldon: Advanced chemistry. It's not.

Sheldon: Ms. MacElroy.
Ms. MacElroy: What?
Sheldon: I'm wondering if you read the book you assigned to us, because I did.

Flora: Do you like string beans?
Sheldon: No. But I eat them.

George Sr.: I'm trying to protect you, son.
Sheldon: I appreciate that.
George Sr.: Good.
Sheldon: You're a football coach. Isn't it your responsibility to put in the best player for the job?
George Sr.: I guess.
Sheldon: Well, I want to do this, and Mr. Lundy said I was the best.
George Sr.: Okay. Can you at least wear pants instead of a dress?
Sheldon: I'll give you a definite maybe.

Luis: Cooper. Your stop.
Sheldon: Would you mind dropping me off closer to my house?
Luis: You know I'm not allowed to do that.
Sheldon: What if I did your taxes?
Luis: Sorry, kiddo.
Sheldon: I could've gotten you a nice refund.

Dr. John Sturgis: O gauge trains are definitely the best.
Sheldon: "O", yes, they are.

Sheldon: Excellent. I love him, too.
Meemaw: Get out of here!
Sheldon: If you don't understand what Dr. Sturgis says, I'm happy to explain it to you.
Meemaw: Get...!

Tam: Sheldon. Did you hear anything I said?
Sheldon: Sorry, I was reliving a traumatic experience.
Tam: What do you mean?
Sheldon: Tam, I have a secret that's weighing on me, and I need to tell someone.
Tam: Okay. Tell me.
Sheldon: But I promised I wouldn't.
Tam: Okay. Then don't.
Sheldon: But it's driving me crazy.
Tam: Too bad you're not Catholic. You could confess it to a priest.
Sheldon: That's a great idea. You're Catholic. I'll confess it to you.
Tam: I'm not a priest.
Sheldon: I'm not a Catholic. It makes perfect sense.

Sheldon: Kudos on the question "Which train gets to St. Louis first?"

Sheldon: That fibber. [calling Meemaw] You're playing the game right now.
Meemaw: I am not.
Sheldon: I saw you with my binoculars.
Meemaw: Oh. How about that.
Sheldon: You promised not to play without me. We're a team. Emelda Showmen, remember?
Meemaw: I'm turning off the game and going to sleep right now.
Sheldon: You'd better. I love you, good night.

Announcer: Will Sheldon Cooper please come to the main office?
[STUDENTS OOHING]
Sheldon: "Ooh," what?

Meemaw: Okay, let's try a different approach. Can I take you to get some ice cream?
Sheldon: I'm having an emotional crisis, Meemaw. You can't fix that with ice cream.
Meemaw: Right. Sorry. You want to go to RadioShack?
Sheldon: Yes, I want to go to RadioShack!

Missy: Fine, Paige and I can share my bed.
Mary: You okay with that, Shelly?
Sheldon: I trust you two will stay quiet throughout the evening and go to sleep at the appropriate time?
Missy: Absolutely.
Sheldon: All right, then. I'm okay with it, Mom.
Meemaw: How is he ever gonna get through this world?