Dr. Linkletter: All right, here we go. Commencement of the solar neutrino detector prototype in three, two, one. [whirring]
Meemaw: I don't see anything.
Dr. Linkletter: Give it a moment. [flashes of light on screen]
Meemaw: Is that it?
Sheldon: That's it.
Meemaw: [gasps] We did it.
Dr. Linkletter: Phase one is a success.
Sheldon: Congratulations.

Dr. Linkletter: Perhaps we could create some sort of a cocoon to suspend it.
Sheldon: Out of wire?
Dr. Linkletter: Or nylon. But I wouldn't know how to weave it around a sphere.
Meemaw: I'm not a genius, but it sounds to me like what y'all are talking about is, uh, crochet.
Dr. Linkletter: I suppose we are.
Meemaw: Because with crochet, you can make all kinds of shapes.
Dr. Linkletter: Intriguing.
Meemaw: Hell, I even crocheted a cover for Jolene.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry?
Meemaw: That's my bowling ball.
Sheldon: She likes to name inanimate objects... it's odd.
Dr. Linkletter: Or whimsically charming.

Dr. Linkletter: Connie, would you help us detect solar neutrinos?
Meemaw: Really? You-you-you want me to be a part of your science thing?
Dr. Linkletter: Indeed.
Meemaw: Well... sure, why not.
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Excellent.
Adult Sheldon: And just like that, my meemaw had been seduced by the siren call of science.
Meemaw: But before we unravel the secrets of the universe, I'm gonna hit the john.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh... of course.

Meemaw: So, what else has Dale told you about our relationship?
June: You still hung up on that?
Meemaw: Apparently.
June: You know, I don't think he meant to. We were having a drink, and it just kind of slipped out.
Meemaw: Y'all still go out drinking together?
June: It was our grandson's elementary school graduation, so yeah.
Meemaw: I didn't know y'all were that close.
June: Are you jealous?
Meemaw: No.
June: Sounds like it.
Meemaw: Well... You ever sleep with him after the divorce?
June: Gross! No. That cranky bag of wrinkles is all yours.
Meemaw: That's a comfort. [laughs] I guess.

June: Whoever decided to put video poker in the bar is a genius.
Meemaw: If they change the seats out to toilets, we'd never have to leave. [both laugh]

Meemaw: Hey, you got any plans this weekend?
June: I don't think so. Why?
Meemaw: I happen to have a coupon for a free room at the Royale Casino.
June: Now you're talking! How'd you swing that?
Meemaw: Well, you lose enough, they give you all kinds of crap.
June: I'm in.
Meemaw: And if you really feel like gambling, they got an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet.
June: Put enough drinks in me, I'll eat anything. [Meemaw laughs]

Meemaw: You still dating that young guy?
June: Justin? Oh, yeah. It wasn't just to bug Dale. He's hot. And he doesn't eat dinner at 5:00.
Meemaw: Dale and I once ate dinner at 3:30. I still think it was lunch. [June laughs]

["Crazy" by Patsy Cline playing on radio]
June: Turn it up. I love that song. [singing along] ♪ Crazy ♪ ♪ I'm crazy for feeling ♪ ♪ So lonely ♪
Meemaw: You know, they got karaoke at the lounge.
June: ♪ I'm crazy ♪ [off-key] ♪ Crazy for feeling ♪ ♪ So blue ♪
Meemaw: Wow. That's some voice you got.
June: Thank you.

June: So, why are you taking me instead of Dale?
Meemaw: Well, last time he and I went casino hopping, it didn't work out too hot.
June: 'Cause he proposed and you said no?
Meemaw: Why would he tell you that?!
June: Hey, don't feel bad. I'm the dummy that said yes to him.
Meemaw: Well, I guess you got a point there.

June: Well, now that we're being honest, can I ask you a question?
Meemaw: Sure.
June: Do you regret saying no to Dale?
Meemaw: No.
June: There was a little pause there.
Meemaw: There was not!
June: Okay, I believe you.
Meemaw: Thank you.
June: You see how I paused? That means I was lying.

Meemaw: And who would be, uh, starring in this video?
George Jr.: Me.
Meemaw: [laughs] That's ridiculous. [chuckles]
George Jr.: And Richard Simmons ain't ridiculous?
Mr. Lundy: Well, now, the young man does have a point.
Meemaw: Yeah, maybe on his head. Look, you're not getting my money.

Meemaw: What do you two want?
Mr. Lundy: What we want is to make you rich.
Meemaw: Oh, God.

Meemaw: Can you believe that Dale thinks the only reason you brought him here is just to piss him off?
June: That's exactly why I brought him.
Meemaw: What the hell is the matter with you?
June: What?
Meemaw: Why would you go out of your way to upset Dale at your own son's wedding?
June: I don't know. He's my ex-husband.
Meemaw: Well, he's my boyfriend.
June: Hey, that's your problem.
Meemaw: Well, you're starting to be my problem.
June: Geez, who's the bully now?
Meemaw: I knew I shouldn't have come here.

Meemaw: I know, on the surface, Dale seems like a... a bully, but, underneath...
June: Still a bully.
Meemaw: Well, yes, but a little less of one, right?
June: Sure.

June: Connie, Dale, this is Justin.
Meemaw: Hi, Justin. Nice to meet you.
Justin: Nice to meet you, too.
Dale: You must be a friend of my son's.
June: Actually, he's my date.
Dale: Really?
June: Mm-hmm.
Meemaw: Much more fun than a funeral.

June: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey, June. It's Connie Tucker.
June: Hey, Connie. How are you?
Meemaw: I'm good.
June: Am I seeing you Saturday night?
Meemaw: Well, that's what I've called about. Are you sure you want me there? I mean, it is your son's wedding.
June: Oh, it's his second wedding. Those barely count. Besides, I'm bringing a date, too. Come on, it'll be fun.
Meemaw: Okay. I'm in.
June: Fantastic!
Meemaw: So, how dressed up we getting?
June: Oh, it's a small ceremony, nothing fancy.
Meemaw: You just saying that 'cause you want to look better than me?
June: Of course not. But I do believe you'd be stunning in overalls.
Meemaw: [chuckles] All right. See you then.
June: Bye. [hangs up]
Meemaw: Overalls, my ass.

Dale: Now, what do you think young people talk about on their dates?
Meemaw: I don't know. But my knee's telling me it's gonna rain this weekend.

Meemaw: Your ex-wife is a bitch.
Dale: I am so filled with love for you right now.

Adult Sheldon: While my meemaw wasn't able to acquire a jungle cat, the idea of tormenting a child did tickle her Texan fancy.
Meemaw: [singsong] Sheldon. [chicken clucking] I have someone else who wants to talk to you.
Sheldon: What are you doing with that filthy thing?
Meemaw: Why do you care? If nothing is real, then neither is the chicken. [Sheldon jumps out of bed] Oh. Good. We're standing now. That's progress.
Sheldon: Get her out of here.
Meemaw: Well, I would, but... [chuckles] apparently, I can't know what "here" is. So maybe I could just... set her on your bed.
Sheldon: Okay! Okay. I'll get dressed.
Meemaw: Make it snappy.
Sheldon: This still doesn't solve my existential crisis.
Meemaw: Say what? You want to hold her?
Sheldon: [gasps] No.
Meemaw: Less talk. More pants.

Meemaw: Hey, Moon Pie. What's going on here?
Sheldon: That's an excellent question. Too bad there's no answer.
Meemaw: Well, you need to get out of bed.
Sheldon: I don't need to do anything.
Meemaw: Okay, I'm gonna count to three.
Sheldon: Dad already counted to three.
Meemaw: Oh. Did he try the Texas thing?
Sheldon: No.
Meemaw: In that case, look at you, lyin' there. When a Texan gets knocked off a horse, he gets right back on. That is the second most important thing about bein' a Texan, right after thinkin' you're better than everybody else.
Sheldon: Maybe the horse gets back on the Texan. Who's to say?
Meemaw: I don't know what that means.
Sheldon: That's because you can't know anything. If you need to stare at the ceiling and contemplate the futility of existence, Missy's bed is available.