Meemaw: [answers phone] Hello.
Sheldon: Meemaw, it's me.
Meemaw: Shelly. Everything okay?
Sheldon: No, everything's terrible. The baby stole my room and won't stop crying and now they're making me sleep in the garage.
Meemaw: What do you need me to do?
Sheldon: Pick me up and I can stay with you.
Meemaw: Oh, well, this is Dale's house. I have to ask him.
Dale: Ask me what?
Meemaw: [covers phone] It's Shelly. He wants to spend the night.
Dale: Oh, yeah, it'd be nice to see the little guy.
Meemaw: Dale says no. See you in the morning. [hangs up]

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Sheldon: Mark my words, string theory is going to be the next big thing.
Mary: What does it do?
Sheldon: It explains the fundamental forces of the universe. How everything works, where everything came from.
Mary: I know where it all came from. [points to the heavens]
Sheldon: Mother, we're in the sky. Why are you pointing up?

Sheldon: [baby crying] Babies. Why'd it have to be babies?
Mary: Oh, relax. He'll cry himself out. You won't even know he's there.
[four hours later:]
Sheldon: [baby crying] [sighs] Please tell that mother to quiet her baby.
Mary: Sometimes moms can't make their kids be quiet no matter how much they try.

[After a bout of turbulence, Mary clasps her hands together in prayer]
Sheldon: Oh, there's no reason to do that. It's just irregular motion of air around the plane caused by temperature changes. [more turbulence] Oh, that was a big one. And given our altitude, perfectly predictable. [cabin alert chimes]
Flight Attendant: [v.o.] The pilot has turned on the seatbelt sign. Please return to your seat.
Sheldon: A reasonable precaution. [checks seatbelt] Snug as a bug. [more turbulence]
Mary: Would you like me to include you in my prayers?
Sheldon: No, thanks, I don't need to seek help from an invisible man.
Mary: You're right, you've got your invisible strings.