Dr. John Sturgis: My name's John.
Meemaw: And I'm Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: My middle name's Whitney.
Meemaw: And now I know that.

Mary: Boy, Sheldon's fired up.
Meemaw: Oh, he loved it. He sat there for an hour and a half just as happy as a pig in poop.

Mary: He mentioned you were pretty happy about the whole experience, too.
Meemaw: Well, I guess Mr. Wizard did take a bit of a shine to me.
Mary: What's that mean?
Meemaw: It means he asked me out to dinner. No big deal.
Mary: So, you going?
Meemaw: When have you known me to turn down a free meal?
George Sr.: Ain't that the truth.
Meemaw: Says the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Mary: Ain't that the truth.
George Sr.: I do have feelings, y'all.

Sheldon: Don't put on too much of that. We want him to like you for your mind.
Meemaw: I think I know what I'm doing when it comes to men.
Sheldon: If that's true, then why do you live alone?
Meemaw: Because my husband died. Any other questions?

Dr. John Sturgis: You like it, and I want this date to be appealing to you, so let's order it.
Meemaw: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: I might enjoy it. I might not. But, uh, I'm willing to take that gamble. Which, uh, I'm given to understand you also like.
Meemaw: Oh, that little rat just told you everything, didn't he?

Meemaw: So, John, you ever been married?
Dr. John Sturgis: No.
Meemaw: Hmm. Ever been in love?
Dr. John Sturgis: Seven times.
Meemaw: Seven times? How come you never settled down?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, my feelings were not reciprocated.
Meemaw: Well, that's so sad.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not for them. They all seemed pleased with the outcome. Especially number four. She said she dodged a bullet.
Meemaw: That is a very brave thing to say on a first date.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why?
Meemaw: If there's a second date, I'll tell you.

Meemaw: There's something about him. I mean, he's smart as hell, and gentle and funny. Not always on purpose, but he's funny. I never met anybody like him.
George Sr.: Sounds like Sheldon.
Meemaw: Now, why would you go and put that thought in my mind?

George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

George Sr.: Okay. Let's just take a deep breath and talk about something else.
Mary: Fine.
George Jr.: I want to hear about that frog.
Meemaw: A different something else.

Sheldon: I need money for my Harvard application, and was wondering if there are any jobs I could do.
Meemaw: Hmm. My yard could use a little weeding.
Sheldon: I'm not terribly fond of outdoor work. Plus, that garden gnome terrifies me.
Meemaw: Ernesto has that effect on people.
Sheldon: How much does the job pay?
Meemaw: Well, let me think. How about a dollar an hour?
Sheldon: How about five dollars an hour?
Meemaw: How about 50 cents an hour?
Sheldon: Wait a minute. What just happened?
Meemaw: I'll tell you what. I'll give you a dollar.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Meemaw: Okay, here you go. I got you a shovel and a bucket and some gloves.
Sheldon: Did you check the gloves for spiders?
Meemaw: Is this my first day as Meemaw?

George Jr.: What if it hits us and we all die?
Meemaw: It's not gonna hit us! I might hit you. But first I'm gonna hold you.

George Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
George Jr.: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid. He tucks in those shirts.

Mary: She looks harmless.
Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.

Mary: George. You need to talk to her parents.
George Sr.: Me? Why me?
Mary: Because you're more intimidating than me.
Meemaw: That's rich.

Meemaw: She says that to me all the time. I'm not even sure she does it.

Mary: I hate to see him so upset.
George Sr.: Well, give him a little time, he'll calm down.
Sheldon: [door slams] Fiddle-faddle!
Meemaw: The F word. He's real mad.

George Sr.: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George Sr.: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Mary: I'm really getting worried about Shelly. Acting out, and now quitting science?
Meemaw: Oh, I'm sure he'll get right back to it. I've quit smoking and gambling plenty of times. Hmm. Look in my purse. Nothing but cigarettes and scratchers.

Mary: Maybe he should talk to somebody.
George Sr.: Not it.
Mary: I meant a professional, George.
Meemaw: But way to be a dad.