Adult Sheldon: I don't know if other supervillains started their careers by getting out of P.E., but that's where I began.

Adult Sheldon: Emboldened by my faux hernia, I started taking books out of the library without getting the cards stamped.

Tam: You didn't check out those books.
Sheldon: I know.
Adult Sheldon: Before you judge me too harshly, I always brought them back on time. I was a rule-breaker, not a lunatic.

Adult Sheldon: Despite my explanation that I was embracing my inner Kirk, my mother had me make amends for all my misdeeds. Starting in the library, where I had to reshelve hundreds of books. Well, to be honest, that one was a hoot.

Adult Sheldon: The amends got worse when Coach Wilkins made me climb the rope. Lacking any upper body strength, I hung there like a salami in a deli window.

Adult Sheldon: And finally, I had to apologize to my meemaw, who was an unfortunate victim of my sister's treasure hunt.

Adult Sheldon: My plan was coming together. I just needed to get on the shuttle so I could finally escape this ridiculous planet. Spoiler alert, I'm still here.

Adult Sheldon: I didn't realize until years later that my father was only asking questions about lightning and thunder to cheer me up. In fact, he would often pretend to be dumb just to make me feel better.

George Jr.: Looks like rain.
Adult Sheldon: My brother, on the other hand, didn't have to pretend.

Adult Sheldon: I never did get to see a launch in person, but that was the best trip I ever had. I wish I had told my father while he was alive.

Adult Sheldon: The average American consumes 55 pounds of beef per year. And then there's Texas, where we can knock that off in a couple of months. Maybe faster, if we're talking about smoked brisket curiously, the one cut of beef that Texans and Jews agree upon.

Adult Sheldon: For the spice rub, Meemaw had him drive to New Orleans to buy ground coffee from Cafe Du Monde, and seven ounces of something called "holy ghost root" from a voodoo woman named Madam Laveau.

Adult Sheldon: Then back home, he applied the spice rub with such erotic tenderness, it made my mother a little jealous.

Adult Sheldon: Finally, the cooking began. 14 hours of cooking. And basting. And spritzing. And tending to the fire.
George Sr.: Oh Rest, my darling. Rest.

Adult Sheldon: Don't let the hug fool you. The minute she went home, he made me give him the recipe.

Adult Sheldon: People often wonder why I chose to pursue a career in theoretical physics. I usually respond by saying I wanted to unravel the inner workings of the universe. But the real answer was I wanted to prove this nincompoop wrong.

Adult Sheldon: I'm not proud of it, but as a child, I was prone to the occasional meltdown.
Sheldon: Cheese and crackers!
Adult Sheldon: I'm sorry you had to hear that.

Adult Sheldon: With my research complete and my ulcer on the mend, all that was left to do was send my work to NASA and wait to become America's scientific sweetheart.

George Sr.: Damn it. I've had enough of this. Sheldon, get up.
Sheldon: What's the point?
George Sr.: We're going to Houston.
Sheldon: Really?
George Sr.: Yeah. You and me are gonna give those space monkeys a little talkin' to.
Adult Sheldon: I often found my father to be a strange and puzzling man, but at that moment, I never loved him more.

Adult Sheldon: I've often contemplated what might have happened if my father hadn't stuck up for me that day. Would I have gone on to become a world-class theoretical physicist, or just your average Joe Sixpack theoretical physicist?