Adult Sheldon: Jane Goodall had to go to Africa to study apes. I just had to go to dinner.

Adult Sheldon: That was the first time I held my father's hand. I wouldn't touch my brother's hand until seventeen years later, thanks to the invention of Purell.

Adult Sheldon: And when I figured out that trains allowed me to prove Newton's first law An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, alone and happy.

Adult Sheldon: I don't care how dimwitted you are, scientific principles have to make you smile. Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig.

Missy: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, - I'm gonna lick your toothbrush!
Sheldon: Coming!
Adult Sheldon: That's my sister. And she's done it before.

Adult Sheldon: It was family dinners like this that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent. Nobel Prize winners (in a Southern accent) ought not be orderin' tater tots.

Adult Sheldon: My mom was my Christian soldier. And for the record, they descended when I was 15.

Adult Sheldon: I've always loved trains. In fact, if my career in theoretical physics hadn't worked out, my backup plan was to become a professional ticket taker. Or hobo.

Adult Sheldon: Science fact: sisters are the worst.

Adult Sheldon: Two years later, Mr. Givens became the high school principal, which might be why Ms.
MacElroy became morbidly obese.

Adult Sheldon: The list proved to be a double-edged sword. It turns out self-help books written in 1936 were only of interest to adults. Emotionally troubled adults.

Sheldon: Hello, Billy Sparks.
Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I am genuinely interested in you and would like to encourage you to talk about yourself. Billy Sparks.
Billy Sparks: Thank you. [long silence]
Sheldon: You have the floor.
Billy Sparks: Thank you.
Adult Sheldon: Looking back, I would've had better luck making friends with the chickens.

Sheldon: Principle one. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
Adult Sheldon: The three sharpest arrows in my quiver. Thus began the greatest challenge of my young life.

Adult Sheldon: When you're three foot ten and in high school, getting from point "A" to point "B" can be a harrowing experience. But it's worth it when point "B" is the library. Home to the original information superhighway, the Dewey Decimal System.

Adult Sheldon: Jean-Paul Sartre said, "Hell is other people." That's humorous because it's true.

Adult Sheldon: My mother never understood that I actually enjoyed being alone.
Solitude allowed me to think about important things, like the effect of gravitational forces as you approach an event horizon, as opposed to less important things, like how many grapes my brother can fit in his mouth.

Adult Sheldon: My father took pride in saying that he ran our house like a tight ship. The ship got a lot looser when my meemaw came over to babysit.

Adult Sheldon: Meemaw liked to teach me things that kept me awake at night.

Adult Sheldon: But I wasn't a good sport. At that moment, I vowed to come back the following Sunday and destroy Pastor Jeff.

Adult Sheldon: I've often been asked why I never learned to drive a car. This night is your answer.