Meemaw: I'll have the rib eye, medium rare.
Waiter: And for you?
Dale: Uh, just the house salad, please.
Waiter: Very good.
Meemaw: House salad? You watching your figure?
Dale: I have a physical tomorrow.
Meemaw: Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now?
Dale: Can't hurt.
Meemaw: It ain't gonna undo years of red meat and beer.
Dale: I'm not trying to undo it, I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.

Adult Sheldon: Engineering has a rich and storied history, dating back to ancient times. Some consider it the single most important field of study... Okay, w-wha... no. Stop. I'm sorry. Howard, I can't do this.
Howard Wolowitz: You asked me to write you an introduction to engineering.
Adult Sheldon: Yes, and if I wanted a comedy routine, I'd have gone to Billy Crystal.
Howard Wolowitz: Just let me read it. [clears throat] Engineering has a rich and storied history dating back to ancient times. Some consider it the single most important field of study known to man, from the wheel to the International Space Station, which I went to.
Adult Sheldon: Honestly, this again?
Howard Wolowitz: Like we don't hear about your Nobel Prize all the time.
Adult Sheldon: It's not my fault people ask about it.
Howard Wolowitz: Because you're always wearing it! You have it on right now.
Adult Sheldon: Look how shiny it is.
Howard Wolowitz: [sighs] Just tell your story.

Georgie: You know one of the best things about working here? I always smell like dryer sheets.
Mandy: Is that a good thing?
Georgie: Compared to how I used to smell, yeah.

Sheldon: Paige? Why are you here?
Paige: The lecture.
Sheldon: Well, if you're looking to jump the line, I don't do cutsies.
Paige: No, I'm actually part of the lecture. Professor Patterson is my mentor at U.T.
Sheldon: Really? You're part of the quantum gravity team?
Paige: Yeah, it's actually really interesting. We've been examining all...
Sheldon: I know what it's about. It's why I've been waiting in line for three hours.
Paige: Wow, three hours to see me speak? I didn't know you were such a fan.

Sheldon: For example, if Mandy and Georgie were married, she'd be our sister-in-law.
Missy: But they're not.
Sheldon: Exactly. So we need a term for the unmarried mother of our future niece or nephew.
Missy: How 'bout "Mandy"?
Sheldon: Follow me... if we knew the sex of the baby and it was a boy, I was thinking we could call Mandy "nephewterus," because she'd be having a nephew in her uterus. However, "nieceuterus" just doesn't hit the ear right.
Missy: I still think "Mandy" works.
Sheldon: Now, there is a gender-neutral term coined by linguist Samuel Martin in the 1950s, which takes the "N" from "niece" or "nephew" with "sibling"” to get "nibling."
Missy: So she'd be our nibling?
Sheldon: No, the baby's the nibling. Mandy would be either the niblingess or the niblinger. Or, in a swerve from our traditional German suffixes, "niblingo."
Missy: That one.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah, that one's the winner.

Meemaw: How about this... Why don't you get one of your girlfriends to find out how he feels about you.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: Because then you don't have to put yourself on the spot.
Missy: Okay. And if he doesn't like me back, I'll just keep being mean to him until he does.
Meemaw: I don't know why that works. Men are dumb.
Missy: Does that mean we're dumb for liking 'em?
Meemaw: It's not a good look for us.

Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, thank you for coming in. I want to apologize for our little tiff earlier.
Sheldon: You're forgiven.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh. Great. I found something that might be of interest to you. An authentic signature from Richard Feynman.
Sheldon: Where did you get this?
Dr. Linkletter: Details aren't important.
Sheldon: Is this a restraining order?
Dr. Linkletter: Not important.
Sheldon: That's actually a really good way to get autographs. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I need to talk to you.
Dr. Linkletter: Are we in my office?
Sheldon: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Then these are not my office hours.
Sheldon: Are you using my love of schedules against me?
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Oh, yes.
Sheldon: Well done.

Sheldon: I need telescope time to search for exoplanets, and Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis have denied my request.
President Hagemeyer: Why?
Sheldon: They said that kind of research would expose both me and the university to criticism.
President Hagemeyer: [stifled laugh] Well, that's outrageous.
Sheldon: So, you'll give me access?
President Hagemeyer: Gosh, no. I want to, but... I'm just the president. [chuckles] Use of the telescope has to be approved by a... science advisor.
Sheldon: Is that true?
President Hagemeyer: Does it sound true?
Sheldon: I suppose it does.
President Hagemeyer: Then I suppose it is.
Sheldon: Why did I even come to you?
President Hagemeyer: [gasps] Remember that next time.

Mary: I'm waitin'.
George: For what?
Mary: The "I told you so." 'Cause I coddled Sheldon and apparently ruined his life.
George: Oh. I'm not gonna say that. I mean, you did coddle him and I did tell ya... All right, I told you so.
Mary: Thanks for not sayin' it.

Professor Salzman: One should not even attempt to unify type-one und type-two...
Adult Sheldon: I wanted to give up and run away, but I had read enough comic books to know that heroes don't quit. Instead of running, I decided to stay and face the biggest challenge I've ever had: keeping my mouth shut.
Professor Salzman: Any thoughts on the compactification of the extra dimensions here?
[Sheldon goes to raise his hand along with Mei-Tung, but stops himself]
Adult Sheldon: Mmm.
Professor Salzman: Ja.
Mei-Tung: One must conserve the unbroken supercharges.
Professor Salzman: Und the spherical Hankel transform of this equation is... [Sheldon snaps his pencil]
Adult Sheldon: This turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life. By being open to people smarter than me, I grew as both a man and a scientist. Humble, brilliant... I really am the whole package.

[After Sheldon storms off with his upgraded computer:]
Jim: He gonna be okay?
George: Oh. Tonight, sure. Big picture? [shrugs]
Adult Sheldon: I've got a hot wife and a Nobel Prize. I turned out fine.

Jim: Here we are. Grab a shovel and dig in. There you go.
Dr. Linkletter: I spent the summer in Italy once.
Georgie: Bringing back memories?
Dr. Linkletter: No.

Pastor Jeff: And now George's loving wife Mary would like to say a few words. Mary.
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff. Um... [clears throat] I met George in high school. Well, I was in high school. He was an older man with a motorcycle. [light laughter] I'd like to tell you he caught my eye, but actually it was the motorcycle. [laughter] [voice breaking] I'm sorry, I can't... do this. I am... so angry. [sighs] George and I had our ups and downs, but we were finally in such a good place, and then he... left. [crying] He left all of us. I- How could you do that? [Meemaw stands up] I am so mad at him. I'm mad at God, I'm mad at myself for not trying harder while he was here. [Meemaw goes up to Mary] This wasn't supposed to happen. [Mary sobs] [Meemaw hugs Mary] [Georgie hugs a crying Missy]

Pastor Jeff: Okay, now our next baptism is for Sheldon Lee Cooper, our soon-to-be brother in Christ. And, personally, this is a big get for me.