George: I don't understand why that dog is so interested in Sheldon.
Missy: Maybe Bucky likes the way Sheldon smells?
George: Your brother washes himself three times a day. He has no smell.

Georgie: Don't they make babies that are born too soon stay in the hospital?
Mary: Normally, yes, but you were born with such a great head full of hair that they sent you home with us.
Georgie: That's the first thing you've said that makes sense.

Mary: He's just excited that Meemaw's dating a man he looks up to.
Georgie: I wish she could date Tony Danza that'd be cool.
George: What is it with you and Tony Danza?
Georgie: Well, the show doesn't come out and say it, but I'm pretty sure he's the boss.
Missy: I think the blonde lady's the boss.
Georgie: Angela? Who's the oddball now?

Mary: I know you've had a number of gentleman callers, but I've never heard you speak like this before.
Meemaw: "Gentleman callers"?
George: And we wonder where Sheldon gets it.

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Billy.
Billy Sparks: Are you our new paperboy?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm joining the work-a-day world.
Billy Sparks: I work, too! I take care of our chickens.
Sheldon: Don't get the wrong idea. When I grow up, I plan on being a theoretical physicist.
Billy Sparks: Cool. I'm sticking with chickens.
Sheldon: All righty then. Have a nice day.
Billy Sparks: You, too. [looking at the newspaper] Oh, cool, it's Monday.

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that there's a type of vanilla flavoring derived from the anal glands of the North American beaver?
Meemaw: That seems like a fact you could have shared before we started eating.
Dr. John Sturgis: It isn't used very often. I understand it's difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.
Meemaw: Cool. Okay, new topic.

Sheldon: A lion sitting in a chair, holding a pipe.
Dr. Edward Pilson: Good. But what do you think is on his mind?
Sheldon: How should I know? Maybe he's wondering why he's posing for a silly picture instead of eating a gazelle.

Adult Sheldon: In tenth grade, high school students are presented with picking a class of their own choosing. This is called an elective. Courses on offer included wood shop, I'm happy with ten fingers, thank you; introduction to agriculture, I think you know the answer to that; wrestling, I'd rather milk that cow. All of which led me to the elective I reluctantly chose, Psychology 101, an investigation into why people think and feel the way they do.

George: Hey, Georgie, you have any sentimental attachment to this town?
Georgie: I don't know, why?
George: I'm just curious if, you know, we ever did pick up and live somewhere else, how you'd feel about it.
Georgie: Well, if it was Hawaii, I'd feel pretty great. That's where they make Magnum, P.I.
George: I don't think Hawaii's in the cards.
Georgie: How about Miami?
George: Let me guess, 'cause of Miami Vice?
Georgie: Golden Girls.
George: Course.
Sheldon: Car.
Georgie: I saw this one where Blanche dates this little guy who breaks up with her 'cause she's not Jewish. So good.
George: Forget about Miami and Hawaii and Blanche.

Pastor Jeff: And I also want to welcome George Cooper, who has recently found his way to the Lord.
Georgie: Howdy. Praise Jesus.

Dr. Gilbert: So, those pain meds should already be kicking in. Then my buddy Gary here is gonna administer the gas, which'll help you sleep. And once you're under, we'll make a little incision and snatch that guy right outta there. Any questions?
Sheldon: Yes. What kind of doctor says, "Snatch that guy right out of there?"
Dr. Gilbert: Just trying to put you at ease.
Sheldon: It didn't work. Where did you go to medical school?
Dr. Gilbert: University of Nebraska.
Sheldon: Uh-oh. Did you at least graduate with honors?
Dr. Gilbert: Top of my class.
Sheldon: Have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?
Dr. Gilbert: Not a drop.
Sheldon: How much sleep did you get last-
Dr. Gilbert: Gary, can we-
Gary: Got it. Just relax and start counting backwards from 100.
Sheldon: Wait, Gary, where did you study anesthesiolo-

Meemaw: [singing] From the mountains, To the prairies, To the oceans white with foam, God bless America, Our home sweet home-
Man: Pinko!
Meemaw: Screw you! [singing] God bless America!

Meemaw: John, I've already been married once. I wasn't really planning on ever doing it again.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why not?
Meemaw: I was somebody's wife for a long time. I just like being Connie Tucker now. Not Mrs somebody else's name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what if I took your name? John Tucker, it sounds great. Like a football player or an astronaut.

Mary: How's it going, baby?
Sheldon: I don't think anyone's showing up, not even Tam.
Mary: I'm here.
Sheldon: Yeah, but you're my mom. You live on the premises. At least Dr. Sturgis should be here any minute.
Mary: Shelly, I'm afraid Dr. Sturgis isn't coming this morning.
Sheldon: Why not?
Mary: He isn't feeling well.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Should we send him a get well card?
Mary: I think that'd be terrific.

[Sheldon is chuckling as he stares at a blank screen]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Watching last week's Professor Proton in my mind.