Meemaw: I think you're being a little tough on yourself.
Sheldon: I wonder why this is affecting me so much.
Meemaw: Well, maybe it has something to do with your parents arguing.
Sheldon: Us moving? I don't think so. Texas, Oklahoma what's the difference?
Meemaw: Hey, now, I think you might want to crack open your psychology textbook 'cause that there is crazy talk.

Sheldon: I did read a chapter on repressing emotions. I suppose I could've been doing that to avoid dealing with the fear of change, and moving would certainly be a big change.
Meemaw: That's very astute.
Sheldon: I'd have a new room, in a new house, and the new house would probably have a different smell, and I probably wouldn't like that smell because I don't like new smells, and I'd be going to a new school with new kids and new teachers, and I bet they'd all smell different, as well.
Meemaw: Okay, now calm down.
Sheldon: That's easy for you to say. Your olfactory senses aren't about to be assaulted by the state of Oklahoma.

Sheldon: I don't know. I don't think I should.
Oscar: It's just root beer.
Sheldon: This late in the evening, my mother wouldn't approve.
Oscar: Okay.
Sheldon: Then again, I didn't think they'd let me stay, and they did, so maybe it's fine.
Oscar: I know, why don't you roll for it?
Sheldon: Ooh, good idea. Seventeen. Guess I'll have it.
Darren: We playing?
Sheldon: Hold on. Do you have a coaster?
Darren: Yeah, it's in the china cabinet.
Sheldon: And where would that be?

George Sr.: You know, we should probably get our stories straight before we talk to our respective mates.
Herschel Sparks: Sure. What do you want to say?
George Sr.: How 'bout this? We had words, it almost got ugly, but we came to an understanding.
Herschel Sparks: I like that. You want to take a swing at me? Make it look real? I have a freakishly high tolerance for pain.
George Sr.: No, no. But you're sweet for offering.

George Jr.: You can't go around hitting people.
Missy: I had to do something.
Sheldon: Me too.
Missy: What did you do?
Sheldon: I ran and told the nearest adult.
George Jr.: I don't want you getting in trouble for me.
Missy: But Danny says you're going to hell.
George Jr.: I'm there now. Promise me.
Missy: Fine.
George Jr.: And I know you ain't hitting nobody.
Sheldon: You are correct, sir.

George Jr.: I can't be in the same school as him!
George Sr.: Well, I don't see what choice you have.
George Jr.: Right. Ever since he could talk, I quit having any choices.
George Sr.: I know it's hard. I'm telling you, as your coach, quit your whining, get your uniform on and you get your ass back out there.
George Jr.: But what about as my dad?
George Sr.: Your dad is having a bad day. Listen to your coach.

Mandy: So, I told my folks about the baby.
Meemaw: And?
Mandy: They told me I'm on my own. They want nothing to do with me.
Meemaw: Sorry. Give it a minute, they still might come around.
Mandy: I didn't even get to the part where the father's 17 years old.
Meemaw: Something fun for next time.

Paige: That's when the bloodthirsty Goatman - part goat, part man - crept up on the sleeping children.
Missy: No.
Paige: And sank his sharp little teeth into their necks,
Missy: No.
Paige: And drank their blood!
Sheldon: No.
Paige: Problem?
Sheldon: Several. First of all, goats are herbivores. They don't eat meat, let alone drink blood.
Missy: Maybe the half man part drinks blood.
Sheldon: Don't even get me started on the "half man" stuff.

Mary: How'd it go?
George Sr.: Uh, good. Yeah. I handled it.
Mary: Oh, thank the Lord.
George Sr.: Yeah. Me and the Lord. Team effort.

Adult Sheldon: Emboldened by my faux hernia, I started taking books out of the library without getting the cards stamped.

Tam: You didn't check out those books.
Sheldon: I know.
Adult Sheldon: Before you judge me too harshly, I always brought them back on time. I was a rule-breaker, not a lunatic.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Mom, can I please be picked up later?
Mary: No. Your meemaw's already on her way.
Sheldon: But the people next door want me to try an egg roll.
Mary: What people? Don't take food from strangers.
Sheldon: They're not strangers. They're Oscar and Darren.
Mary: Well, they're strangers to me.
Sheldon: Well, maybe when Meemaw gets here, she can wait in the car for a few hours.
Mary: That is not happening, and you know it.
Sheldon: Can we at least have Chinese food for dinner?
Mary: I'm making Rice-A-Roni. Does that count?
Sheldon: Nothing Chinese ends in "a-roni."
Mary: Well, their loss.

Sheldon: Hello, Bobbi.
Bobbi Sparks: You told on me.
Sheldon: Well, actually, my brother figured it out, so, technically, I would argue that I didn't.
Bobbi Sparks: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon: Uh, I should let you know, I've read a book on jiu-jitsu. And I'm prepared to throw it at you.

Sheldon: Hello.
Missy: What's that for?
Sheldon: Oh, this? I was just digging for money in Meemaw's backyard.
Missy: There's money there?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. I already found 75 cents.
Missy: Who do you think left it?
Sheldon: If I were to guess, I'd say pirates with holes in their pockets.
Missy: Can I use your shovel?
Sheldon: Be my guest.
Missy: Oh, baby, I'm gonna be rich.

Coach Wilkins: Oh, I know that face. Heartburn? Gas? What are we working with?
George Sr.: Not in the mood, Wayne.
Coach Wilkins: Are you in the mood for Tums? I could hook you up.

Mary: And regarding this jiu-jitsu stuff, you should know that a man's not supposed to raise his hand to a woman.
Sheldon: Oh, I won't. I don't want to hurt myself again.

George Jr.: Where you going?
Meemaw: I got stuff to do.
George Jr.: Like what?
Meemaw: Just stuff.
George Jr.: Well, can you stop and get me something to eat?
Meemaw: No.
George Jr.: Why not?
Meemaw: 'Cause I got stuff to do.
George Jr.: Which you won't tell me.
Meemaw: 'Cause it's none of your damn business.
George Jr.: Is it illegal?
Meemaw: I'm not gonna play this game with you, Georgie.
George Jr.: Just give me the first letter.
Meemaw: Goodbye.

Mary: I didn't write this.
George Sr.: You sure? Looks like your handwriting. It's got that little swoopy thing going on.
Mary: I didn't write it. And I think I'd know if my son had a hernia.
George Sr.: So what, Sheldon forged a letter to get out of P.E.?
Mary: Looks like it.
George Sr.: How about that.
Mary: Don't be proud of him.
George Sr.: Can't help it. First time he ever seemed like my kid.

Sheldon: Missy, I could really use your help.
Missy: With what?
Sheldon: I'm being bullied by Bobbi Sparks.
Missy: Hilarious. Go on.

Herschel Sparks: I like to take a break from the family and come out here and watch the games.
George Sr.: Ooh! Your wife don't mind?
Herschel Sparks: She don't know. She's scared to death of chickens.
George Sr.: Is that right?
Herschel Sparks: Once I found out, buildin' this coop was a no-brainer.