Herschel Sparks: I like to take a break from the family and come out here and watch the games.
George Sr.: Ooh! Your wife don't mind?
Herschel Sparks: She don't know. She's scared to death of chickens.
George Sr.: Is that right?
Herschel Sparks: Once I found out, buildin' this coop was a no-brainer.

Herschel Sparks: I appreciate that, but you got to know there's an upside to this.
George Sr.: And that would be?
Herschel Sparks: Your son has got a special gift.
George Sr.: A gift? We are talking about Georgie, right?
Herschel Sparks: Yeah. I mean, first off, the kid really knows his way around an engine, which is all well and good. But when it comes to fixing tires, I swear, I've never seen anything like him.
George Sr.: Tires? How do you mean?
Herschel Sparks: George, I've been patching flats for 25 years. You know, slap some soapy water on them, look for the air bubble. But your son, he doesn't need any tricks. He knows where the puncture holes are.
George Sr.: He knows?
Herschel Sparks: He knows. He's got a sixth sense for tire damage. I mean, you got to see him in action. It'll give you chills.
George Sr.: You know, now that you say it, whenever we had a leaky football, he knew exactly where the hole was.
Herschel Sparks: I am telling you, your boy's got a future in the tire business. Goodyear, Firestone, somebody's gonna scoop him up first round.

George Sr.: Thanks for hearin' me out.
Herschel Sparks: Your wife sent you over here, didn't she?
George Sr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Herschel Sparks: I bet she did!
George Sr.: Not talkin' about it!
Herschel Sparks: Tell her I said hi!

Herschel Sparks: Well, howdy, neighbor.
George Sr.: Hey, Herschel.
Herschel Sparks: What brings you by? Chickens too loud?
George Sr.: Nah, they been fine.
Herschel Sparks: Good, good. Fried up the noisy one last week. That shut him up.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

George Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
George Jr.: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid. He tucks in those shirts.

Adult Sheldon: The perilous journey from the bus stop to my front door was 97.5 meters. FYI, insisting on using the metric system in East Texas is another reason I was hunted by predators.