Adult Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter wouldn't give me what I wanted. I couldn't tell on him to his mommy, but I could to his "work mommy."
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon. What can I do for you?
Sheldon: I can't make it to school today, and I'm concerned about the physics class I'm missing.
President Hagemeyer: And how come you're not here?
Sheldon: I was in a car accident with my meemaw.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Sheldon: Well...
[flashback:]
Sheldon: I can't believe you'd use my traumatic experience to manipulate people.
Missy: [echoing] Really? I can.
[present:]
Sheldon: ...and then her car had to get towed away. It was quite a traumatic experience.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, you poor thing. What can I do to help?

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] One can choose the extended-zone scheme, the reduced-zone scheme or the...
Sheldon: Hand-raise.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes?
Sheldon: I set you up on speakerphone, so now it's really like I'm learning in the future.
Dr. Linkletter: May I continue?
Sheldon: Ahead warp factor five. That's from Star Trek, which is also in the future.

Mary: Can I help you?
Chet: Grocery delivery for Sheldon Cooper?
Mary: What is it?
Chet: Looks like milk, straws and three cans of Strawberry Quik.
Sheldon: Oh, boy. Thank you. [to Mary] Would you tip him? I'm a little light.

George: IRS? This can't be good.
Sheldon: Sure it can.
George: When is the IRS ever good?
Sheldon: Perhaps they're writing to congratulate me on filing such a beautiful tax return.

Sheldon: Dad, I reviewed the tax return and I was right. They're the ones who made the mistake. Uh... What are you doing?
George: Writing a check to the IRS.
Sheldon: But we don't owe them anything. They're claiming that I under-reported our income, but I can prove that they're wrong.
George: It's not worth picking a fight with them over a few bucks.
Sheldon: Just let me call them, I can sort this out.
George: Just drop it, we don't want to get on their radar.
Sheldon: But if you send that check, it's like admitting I made a mistake when I didn't.
George: Sheldon, sometimes being right isn't the most important thing.
Sheldon: I'm glad you feel that way, because, boy, are you wrong.
George: We're done talking about this.
Adult Sheldon: And there he goes, wrong again.

Adult Sheldon: Now that I had prevented my dad from saying I made a mistake, it was time to get the IRS to admit theirs.
Malcolm Green: [answers phone] IRS, Agent Green speaking.
Sheldon: Hello, my name is Sheldon Cooper. Forgive me for cutting right to the chase, but I'm outside and my skin is incredibly fair.
Malcolm Green: Okay, how can I help you?
Sheldon: You sent my family a bill saying we owe an additional four dollars and 22 cents, but you're mistaken. I filed a flawless return.
Malcolm Green: I'm sorry, how old are you?
Sheldon: That seems irrelevant, but I'm 11.
Malcolm Green: Your parents let an 11-year-old file their federal tax return?
Sheldon: This year. Two years ago, they let a nine-year-old do it.
Malcolm Green: Look, these tax codes are complicated. If you only made a four dollar mistake, that's pretty impressive.
Sheldon: I didn't make a mistake at all. You did.
Malcolm Green: Is that so?
Sheldon: Yes. But don't feel bad, these tax codes are complicated.
Malcolm Green: Uh-huh. Okay, I've got your file right here, and, uh, looks like you under-reported your income.
Sheldon: Actually, if you check under charitable donations, you'll notice that the money we made at the garage sale did not count as taxable income because we donated it to the church.
Malcolm Green: Well, I'll, uh, I'll have a look into that.
Sheldon: In the future, you might consider doing that before you send out the letter. So how does this work? Do you apologize now, do I get it in writing?

Sheldon: It's so exciting he's back. How did he look?
Meemaw: The same.
Sheldon: Good, I was afraid he might've shrunk more. [Meemaw chuckles] Although maybe you both shrunk and you couldn't tell.
Meemaw: Hey! I'm still taller than you, so watch it.

Sheldon: It'll be great to have him back at the university.
Meemaw: Actually... doesn't sound like he's going back.
Sheldon: Why not?
Meemaw: He's a little upset about getting fired, and... says he's ready for a change.
Sheldon: An old person trying something new? That's funny.
Meemaw: You'll be old one day, too, pal.
Sheldon: I already don't like new things. Bring it on.

Sheldon: I can't understand why you wouldn't want to come back to the university.
Dr. John Sturgis: Science is a young man's game.
Sheldon: But we could work on something together. If you average out our ages, we're a lean, mean forty-one and a half.

Sheldon: I have a problem.
George: What now?
Sheldon: Missy put a "Do not enter" sign on our bedroom door, and I'm all for obeying posted signage, but it is my room, and I feel that gives me right of entry. Thoughts?
George: You don't want to go in there.
Sheldon: But I do. Is Missy even authorized to put up a sign? And if so, does that mean I can put up a sign?
George: I don't know.
Sheldon: Because if I put up a "Do enter" sign, which sign would have precedence? Do we have a lawyer? I should talk to a lawyer.
George: She's having boy problems. Just give her space.
Sheldon: Emotionally or legally?
George: Emotionally.
Sheldon: Excellent. Ignoring emotions is where I shine.
George: Clearly.

Missy: Did you not see the sign?
Sheldon: I did. It's not legally binding. I asked Dad. What are you doing?
Missy: Getting rid of my stupid toys.
Sheldon: Hmm. Even your Cabbage Patch doll?
Missy: I don't need a doll.
Sheldon: Good. She was starting to smell like actual cabbage.

Sheldon: Missy? What are you doing?
Missy: Hiding from you, idiot.
Sheldon: I found you. You're not very good at this.

Sheldon: But I'm coming with you.
Missy: You're one of the people I'm running away from.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, but I can't let you wander at night by yourself. I'm your big brother.
Missy: We're twins.
Sheldon: I was born two minutes earlier, which apparently makes me responsible for you.
Missy: That's dumb.
Sheldon: I'm not happy about it either, but here we are.

Sheldon: Do you come here a lot?
Missy: Sometimes, when I want to be alone.
Sheldon: Alone from me.
Missy: Not just you. Everyone.
Sheldon: Is this about that boy?
Missy: I don't want to talk about it.
Sheldon: Is he why you were getting rid of your toys and your posters? Because I don't think you should change for some boy.
Missy: You're just saying that 'cause you hate change. You don't care about my feelings.
Sheldon: How can you say that? I'm literally risking my life to be here. Look around. It is tetanus as far as the eye can see.

Missy: And then today I found out he was actually holding hands with Nicole at the roller rink.
Sheldon: Who's Nicole?
Missy: A seventh-grader.
Sheldon: So you want to appear more mature to make him like you again.
Missy: I guess.
Sheldon: Hmm. Well, I'd suggest a bow tie, but that's kind of my thing.