Ricky: How did you know something was wrong with your gallbladder?
Sheldon: It started as a minor tummyache, then escalated to a major tummyache. Luckily, I handle pain well.

Ricky: What are you gonna do when you get home?
Sheldon: Enjoy a bathroom I can relax in. Although I do like that there's a big red emergency button in there.

Ricky: I actually don't mind it here.
Sheldon: What about the food?
Ricky: It's not as good as my grandma's tamales, but nothing is.
Sheldon: How long has she been taking care of you?
Ricky: My whole life. She'd be here, but she's watching my brother.
Sheldon: My meemaw takes care of us sometimes, too.
Ricky: I'm excited for my heart to be fixed, 'cause then, she won't have to worry about me anymore. But hey, once they put the patch on my heart, I'll sort of be like Iron Man.
Sheldon: Technically, Iron Man has a magnet, not a patch.
Ricky: And technically, I said "sort of."
Sheldon: Touche.

Sheldon: Where'd he go? Where's Ricky?
Mary: He's in surgery.
Sheldon: Oh.
Mary: But look what I'm doing. I'm packing up so we can go home.
Sheldon: Can we wait until he's done?
Mary: I think it's gonna be a while, honey, but why don't we get a move on and then we can check on him later?
Sheldon: Okay.

Sheldon: One second. Excuse me, Nurse Robinson?
Nurse Robinson: Yes?
Sheldon: Will you give this Iron Man comic to Ricky?
Nurse Robinson: I'll see that he gets it.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Nurse Robinson: Mm-hmm.
Sheldon: And thank you for taking care of me.
Nurse Robinson: You're welcome. You stay healthy.
Sheldon: I will.
Nurse Robinson: When did he become nice?

Mary: Sheldon, I just got off the phone with that nurse from the hospital. Your little roommate's gonna be just fine.
Sheldon: Oh, good. That's a relief.
Mary: Would you like to go visit him?
Sheldon: No. Why?

Sheldon: Time's up. What did you miss about me?

Missy: Can you help me with my math homework?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: Please. It's really hard.
Sheldon: "It" isn't the problem.
Missy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Fine, what are you working on?
Missy: There's a number, then there's a line, then there's another number under it.
Sheldon: Fractions?
Missy: Yes, fractions.
Adult Sheldon: At that moment, it occurred to me if I could teach mathematics to someone as dull-witted as my sister, I could create a race of superhumans that would do my bidding.
And who wouldn't want that?
Missy: Please, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You know what, Missy? I'd be happy to help you.

Adult Sheldon: Clearly, I needed a more sophisticated technique to motivate my simian sister.
Sheldon: Are you sure? If you learn a little algebra, I'll give you a banana.

Ms. Hutchins: Need any help there, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I'm looking for some books on education theory.
Ms. Hutchins: What for?
Sheldon: I'm trying to develop a technique to teach someone who falls into the conventional category of "stupid."
Ms. Hutchins: Oh. Well, now, there's a wide range of stupid. Can you narrow it down?
Sheldon: She wrote a fan letter to Alf.
Ms. Hutchins: Got it. So you're looking to make a pretty radical change.
Sheldon: Well, ideally, I'd like to wipe my sister's brain clean and start over, but my mom wouldn't like that.
Ms. Hutchins: Yeah. Moms are no fun.

Sheldon: Ooh, this is interesting. According to Socrates, all knowledge exists within the student and just needs to be drawn out through skillful questioning.
Tam: Are you saying I knew that before you even said it?
Sheldon: I don't know, did you?
Tam: Well, according to Socrates, you do know and the answer's inside you.
Sheldon: Well, then, ask me a skillful question to draw it out.
Tam: Do you know if I knew before I knew?
Sheldon: No.
Tam: Hey, it works.
Sheldon: It does.

Sheldon: I'm recording my findings so that future generations of mankind can understand the steps I took to create homo novus, "new man." Of course, there's a strong likelihood that my homo novi might've wiped out all future generations, so I have no idea who's watching this.

George Sr.: Y-Your mom's at church. W-What do you want for dinner?
Sheldon: I believe you know what I want for dinner.
George Sr.: Is that right?
Sheldon: It's Thursday. What does Mom always make me on Thursdays?
George Sr.: Spaghetti and hot dogs?
Sheldon: [to the camera] Socrates. Got to love him.

Sheldon: Anyway, I've been doing some research, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't need to teach you anything. You already know everything.
Missy: Cool.
Sheldon: Your brain already contains all the math that will ever be known.
Missy: I heard you and I said "cool."
Sheldon: Well, wouldn't you like to explore that great treasure trove of knowledge?
Missy: That depends. What's a trove?
Sheldon: We'll circle back to that.

Sheldon: I just don't know where I went wrong.
Tam: Are you sure your questioning was skillful?
Sheldon: I thought so, but after two hours of interrogation, all I could extract from my sister's brain was that there was some sort of block with new kids on it.

Sheldon: According to B.F. Skinner, if I can find the appropriate punishment to motivate Missy, there's no limit to what she might be able to learn. But what might that punishment be? Whip her with a rubber hose? No. That sounds like a recipe for tendinitis. Administer small electric shocks? Tricky. If I get the voltage wrong, I could spend the rest of my life in an institution for the criminally insane. Or I inflict harm on the object she loves more than life itself. Celeste, you're about to become part of scientific history.

Sheldon: All right, let's try this again. Would you be ready to learn some advanced calculus if it saved Celeste's pigtails?
Missy: What are you doing? Put her down.
Sheldon: Not until I modify your behavior.

Mary: Care to explain yourself?
Sheldon: I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.
Mary: By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?
Sheldon: Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.
Mary: Enough.
Sheldon: To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be ineffective.
Mary: Enough!

Stan: All right, I don't have the Sperry loafers in your size, but I do have the Hush Puppies.
Sheldon: I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry penny loafers.
Stan: But they're exactly the same.
Sheldon: Well, do they come in a box that says Sperry penny loafers? Because that one says Hush Puppies.
Mary: Just try 'em on, honey.
Sheldon: What if I like them?
Mary: Well, then we'll get them.
Sheldon: All right, let's go over this again. I don't wear brown Hush Puppies penny loafers, I wear brown Sperry-
Mary: Would you give us a moment?
Stan: Happily.

Mary: How do they feel?
Sheldon: My brand loyalty is being severely tested.