Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Billy.
Billy Sparks: What you doing?
Sheldon: Building a nuclear reactor.
Billy Sparks: Cool. I'm having Lucky Charms for dinner? What are you gonna do with it when you're done?
Sheldon: Stand in front of the refrigerator as long as I want.

Sheldon: Hello. I'd like to speak to Arthur Jeffries. He plays Professor Proton. But you probably know that, since you answer the phone at the station that makes the show, you lucky duck.
Then I'd like to leave him another message. Please tell him Sheldon Cooper called again and that I've successfully obtained the radioactive material that I'm looking for. Yes, americium-241. I have lots of it. I live at 5501 Grant Avenue, Medford, Texas. If you're sending me an autographed picture, I already have one. Ooh, how about one of his bow ties?

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: Ergo?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Sheldon: Hello, Nora.
Nora: Hey, there's my favorite patient! What hurts today?
Sheldon: Tummy troubles.
Nora: Oh, no. Sorry to hear it. Let me grab your file.

Adult Sheldon: Throughout my high school career, Nurse Nora and I had been through quite a few close calls.
Nora: This is just a blister.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Nora: Sheldon, I promise you don't have leprosy.

Sheldon: Ooh, that's bright.
Nora: Proving you don't have hysterical blindness.
Sheldon: Well, can you test for just hysterical?

Nora: So, we've got a tummyache?
Sheldon: Yes. I'm afraid it might be cholera.
Nora: Again?
Sheldon: I have one of the symptoms.
Nora: Okay, on a scale of one to ten, what's your pain level?
Sheldon: Three point four seven.
Nora: That's pretty serious. But since you're at a 3.47, I'm gonna give you the strongest medication I'm allowed to give you.
Sheldon: You're an angel of mercy, Nurse Nora. Ooh, cherry.

Sheldon: My tummy really hurts, Mom.
Mary: You do feel a bit warm. Okay, you finish up in here, get in bed, and I'll bring you some ginger ale.
Sheldon: Canada Dry?
Mary: Yes.
Sheldon: Room temperature?
Mary: Yes.
Sheldon: Mostly flat?
Mary: I'll stir the fizz out with a spoon.
Sheldon: Thanks, Mom.

Mary: How you feelin', baby?
Sheldon: Remember the tuna sandwich I had at the bus station?
Mary: Yeah?
Sheldon: Worse than that.

Dr. Gilbert: So, those pain meds should already be kicking in. Then my buddy Gary here is gonna administer the gas, which'll help you sleep. And once you're under, we'll make a little incision and snatch that guy right outta there. Any questions?
Sheldon: Yes. What kind of doctor says, "Snatch that guy right out of there?"
Dr. Gilbert: Just trying to put you at ease.
Sheldon: It didn't work. Where did you go to medical school?
Dr. Gilbert: University of Nebraska.
Sheldon: Uh-oh. Did you at least graduate with honors?
Dr. Gilbert: Top of my class.
Sheldon: Have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?
Dr. Gilbert: Not a drop.
Sheldon: How much sleep did you get last-
Dr. Gilbert: Gary, can we-
Gary: Got it. Just relax and start counting backwards from 100.
Sheldon: Wait, Gary, where did you study anesthesiolo-

Sheldon: Hard to port!
Meemaw: Aye aye, Captain Ahab.
Sheldon: Thar she blows! Gallbladder dead ahead!
Mary: Captain Ahab, are you hungry? Do you want a bowl of gruel?
Sheldon: Not now, Mom, I'm in pursuit of my inner demons.
George Sr.: Aye, she's a formidable organ.
George Jr.: Just looks like a whale.
Missy: It's a metaphor, doofus.
All: Arrr!

Adult Sheldon: No surprise, despite my adamant protest, I didn't go home.
Instead, I had to stay and suffer in silence like the Southern gentleman my mother raised me to be.
Sheldon: What's this? I asked for red.
Nurse Pryor: All they had was green.
Sheldon: Well, then you and I have a problem, don't we?

Nurse Robinson: Here you go. One O.J.
Sheldon: I see pulp.
Nurse Robinson: No, you don't. I strained it with a paper towel.
Sheldon: Now all I can taste is towel. And pulp.

Nurse Robinson: What?
Sheldon: Do you know where my mother is?
Nurse Robinson: I think she went down to the cafeteria. What do you need?
Sheldon: I can't sleep.
Nurse Robinson: Did you try counting sheep?
Sheldon: Oh, no, I'm afraid of farm animals.
Nurse Robinson: Of course you are.

Nurse Robinson: Well, I don't know what I can do for you.
Sheldon: Do you know the "Soft Kitty" song?
Nurse Robinson: No.
Sheldon: I'll teach it to you. Get a notepad.

George Sr.: Okay. I got your pillow and your blanket.
Mary: Shelly, what do you say?
Sheldon: Why does it smell like Missy?

Sheldon: Unbelievable. It's either cartoons or men in their underwear banging their heads together.
Ricky: You complain a lot.
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Ricky: Seriously, dude, you need to relax.
Sheldon: How can I relax? I'm being held captive in a bacterial playground.

Ricky: Why are you here?
Sheldon: I had to have my gallbladder removed. Why are you here?
Ricky: I'm having surgery tomorrow.
Sheldon: How come?
Ricky: I was born with a hole in my heart.
Sheldon: My mom says everyone is born with a Jesus-shaped hole in their heart, but I'm guessing this is different.

Ricky: Yeah, they're gonna put a patch on it.
Sheldon: And then it just stays there forever?
Ricky: Yeah, like a Band-Aid you never have to pull off.
Sheldon: That's great, because that's the worst thing about Band-Aids. [Ricky chuckles] They may have removed my gallbladder, but not my wicked sense of humor.

Sheldon: How did you find out you have a hole in your heart?
Ricky: I fainted playing soccer.
Sheldon: Hmm, I guess I'm fortunate.
Ricky: Why?
Sheldon: I don't and never will play soccer.