Jana: I think I'm gonna go.
George Jr.: Okay.
Sheldon: Hola, senorita. She's in my Spanish class.
Jana: I'll call you later.
Sheldon: Te veo manana en la clase de espanol.
Jana: What?
Sheldon: That means, "See you tomorrow in Spanish class." I was going to ask how you thought you did on Friday's quiz, but I'm guessing the answer is no bueno. Adios.

Sheldon: Why would you bring that pecking poop machine into our home?
Missy: To save her life.
Sheldon: What about my life?
Missy: She's not trying to kill you.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah? Then why was there hate in her eyes?
Missy: That's how everybody looks at you.

Sheldon: The television station's in Houston. Drive me there. I'm sure they have a copy of it.
George Sr.: [chuckles] I'm not driving to Houston.
Sheldon: Well, then, I should warn you, I am very unhappy.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: In fact, I am peeved.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: I would slam this door right now, but it would startle me, so just imagine I did.
George Sr.: Okay.

Sheldon: Georgie, why are there bathing suit ladies where Captain Picard should be? Georgie!

Pastor Jeff: Actually, Mary, can I speak to you for a sec?
Mary: Sure. Um, I'll be right there.
Meemaw: Yeah, make it quick. I don't want to miss kickoff.
Sheldon: [groans] Church and football? At least 60 Minutes is on tonight.

Pastor Jeff: Hello, Coopers. Nice to see you, as always.
Mary: Lovely sermon today.
Sheldon: I wouldn't know. I couldn't hear over all the candy wrappers and gossip.
Meemaw: That's enough. Move along.

Batman: Young man. Yes, you. Pretending to be sick. You should be ashamed of yourself!
Sheldon: But I was afraid to go in the pool.
Batman: You are in a pool. A pool of your own deceit. If my mother were alive, I'd never lie to her. And I'd always eat her soup.

Sheldon: Mom.
Mary: Oh, baby. What are you doing out of bed?
Sheldon: I don't need to be in bed. I'm not sick.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: I lied to you so that I wouldn't have to take the swim test.
Mary: You lied?
Sheldon: I feel terrible about it.
Mary: Well, you should feel terrible. I trusted you.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. It's just that I was so afraid to get in that pool, so I let Georgie and Missy teach me how to fake it. They said it was easy, but it's wasn't. It really wasn't.
Mary: Georgie and Missy taught you how to do this?
Sheldon: I cannot tell a lie they sure did!

Mary: You want to get comfy on the couch and watch your Star Trek tapes?
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Mary: I know what'll make you feel better. [singing] Soft kitty, warm kitty Little ball of fur Happy kitty Sleepy kitty Purr, purr, purr Soft liar, warm liar Little ball of fib Happy liar, sleepy liar Fib, fib, fib. Feel better?
Sheldon: Uh-uh.

Sheldon: [coughs] I don't feel well.
Mary: What's wrong, baby?
Sheldon: I don't know. I just feel awful.
Mary: Well, there is something going around. Billy Sparks got some kind of bug.
Sheldon: That is consistent with what I said. Good. [weak cough]
Mary: You're staying home today. I'll go make you some tea.

Sheldon: Ugh!
Pool: Why don't you like me?
Sheldon: You're full of bacteria.
Pool: So are you, but you don't hear me saying, "Ugh." It's rude. Look, I may just be pool water, but I still have feelings.
Sheldon: Sorry, water.
Pool: Come on. My pH level is 7.4, and with three parts per million of chlorine, I'm cleaner than your daddy's plate after Thanksgiving dinner.
Sheldon: Wow. That's pretty clean.
Pool: Look how clear I am, Sheldon. You can see all the way to the bottom. Closer. A little closer. A little closer. Gotcha!
[Sheldon wakes up in bed:]
Sheldon: Pool monster!

Sheldon: I'm being forced to swim tomorrow in P.E.
Missy: Poor baby. You have to play in a pool instead of sit in a classroom.
Sheldon: A pool of sweat, germs and dead skin cells.
Missy: Still better than learning.
Sheldon: Maybe it's time for me to run away from home and join a traveling math club.

Mary: Okay. Shelly, can you turn the TV off for a second?
Sheldon: But after this commercial break, Professor Proton is going to use a candle to suck a hard-boiled egg into a milk bottle.

Mary: I've got something here for both of you. It's from Billy.
Sheldon: I hope it's not another invitation.
Mary: It's probably a thank you note.
Sheldon: So now I have to write a you're welcome note? You people are killing me.

Sheldon: Fascinating. It seems to be a carbon-based life-form. [to Mary] I'm interacting.

Sheldon: Hmm. Gallus gallus domesticus, otherwise known as "Earth chicken." Live long and prosper you filthy bird.

Pastor Jeff: Please be seated. A Pharisee once asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was, and do you know what he said? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon, it's a rhetorical question.
Sheldon: Aw.

Dr. John Sturgis: So if Einstein's analysis of time is correct, the future's already happened, but we'll discuss that in more detail next week.
Sheldon: Or perhaps we already have.
Dr. John Sturgis: Exactly. [laughs]
Meemaw: Good one.

Meemaw: All right, Moon Pie. I'll see you after class.
Sheldon: Aren't you going to walk me in?
Meemaw: I think you can manage it.
Sheldon: Is it because you're trying to avoid Dr. Sturgis?
Meemaw: No.
Sheldon: Is it because you're getting old, and you're trying to limit the number of steps you take?
Meemaw: Get in there.

Sheldon: You should probably settle on a specific date because when I want to go to RadioShack and my dad says, "Maybe another time," we never end up going.
Meemaw: Thank you so much, Sheldon. I think we got this.