Missy: How about a movie?
Sheldon: How about the planetarium? That's like a movie, where you can see real stars instead of, I don't know, Gene Kelly?
Missy: We're never gonna agree. Let's just do rock, paper, scissors.
Sheldon: No. Anecdotal evidence suggests that players familiar with each other will tie 75% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes.
Missy: Well, what if we added a few more choices? Like, rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony.
Sheldon: Now you're just being silly.

Sheldon: Missy, how would you feel if there were somewhere just like Chuck E. Cheese, but instead of pizza and ball pits, there was locomotives and placards explaining their history?
Missy: That's just the museum.
Sheldon: I didn't think she'd see through that.

Sheldon: Does a family meal mark an escalation in your romantic relationship?
Dale: That's a good question. Does it?
Meemaw: You know what? Why don't you go sit at the kid table with your sister?
Sheldon: Where do I begin? They're loud, they're sweaty from sports...
Meemaw: Get.

Mary: Shelly, why don't you put your book down and watch your sister play? It's getting exciting.
Sheldon: It looks like everyone's just standing there.
George Sr.: There's two outs, bases are loaded, a-and the winning run's on second.
Meemaw: But if Missy throws one more strike, they'll win.
Sheldon: And then we can go home? That is exciting.

Paige: Yeah?
Sheldon: I'm listening.
Paige: To what?
Sheldon: To you.
Paige: I'm not saying anything.
Sheldon: Well, if you wanted to say anything, I'd be listening.
Paige: But I don't want to say anything.
Sheldon: And I don't want to be listening, but here we are. Are you feeling better yet?

Adult Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis was right. There was nothing I could do to fix this, or so I thought.
Sheldon: Can I offer you a hot beverage?
Paige: That would be nice.
Sheldon: Be right back.
Adult Sheldon: The "Hot Beverage of Comfort" would become my go-to method of dealing with someone in emotional distress. And it always worked. Except when my wife was in labor, where it was suggested I throw it in my own face.

Sheldon: I can't believe you stole.
Paige: You walked out with it. You stole.
Sheldon: Why would I steal glitter? I already have a sparkling personality.
Paige: Tell it to the cops.
Sheldon: Or your cellmate.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] John Sturgis at your service.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, Sheldon Cooper.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Sheldon. How are you doing?
Sheldon: Confused, upset, annoyed, and potentially in trouble with the law.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, in which order would you like to handle this?
Sheldon: Let's start with confused, but if we hear sirens approaching, we'll jump ahead.

Sheldon: I didn't see any bow ties, just a shirt with a bad word on it. What did you put in your pocket?
Paige: Nothing.
Sheldon: Are you guys stealing? Because if you are, I am prepared to literally blow the whistle on you.

Sheldon: This isn't the Hello Kitty store.
Paige: No. It's Hot Topic.
Sheldon: What's the topic, devil worship?
Missy: Hey, did you know there's a bow tie section in the back?
Sheldon: Why would they hide that in the back? [exits]

Missy: Let's just get out of here.
Sheldon: Good. Everyone behind the counter has an earring where an earring does not belong.

Paige: Why are you taking a backpack to the mall?
Sheldon: This is my mall safety kit. Earplugs to drown out crowd noise, Wet-Naps to wipe down escalator handrails, a compass, a map of the mall, and a whistle, in case I get lost or approached by a woman holding a perfume bottle.
Missy: You want to stuff him in there, right?
Paige: No. [nods]

Sheldon: Paige, you're supposed to be doing science with me.
Paige: That's boring. I want to do something dangerous.
Sheldon: This is dangerous. We don't have an eye wash station.

Mary: Okay, Paige, where should we go to get your backpack?
Paige: The Hello Kitty store.
Sheldon: I would help you find it, but this subpar mall map isn't even oriented north.
Missy: Let's go.
Mary: All right, have fun at the Hello Kitty store, and meet me at the fountain in half an hour.
Sheldon: Just to be clear, there are no actual kitties, right?

Mary: Shelly, I got you something.
Sheldon: The Professor Proton Science Kit! Wait a minute. Last time you gave me a present for no reason, I had to get a booster shot.
Mary: Nothing like that. I was just thinking, it might be a fun thing for you to share with Paige.
Sheldon: Sharing. Sometimes I feel like you don't know me.
Mary: Paige is having a rough time at home right now, and I think she could really use a friend.
Sheldon: A crocodile could really use a meal, but that doesn't mean I should leap into his mouth.
Adult Sheldon: This was the woman who cut the crusts off my sandwiches. She had me.
Sheldon: Into the mouth I go.

Meemaw: Beam your ass out of here.
Nathan: Yes, ma'am. One to beam up. Energize.
[Star Trek: The Next Generation theme plays]
Adult Sheldon: Okay, that last part didn't happen, but, boy, would that have been neat.
Sheldon: That was so neat.
Nathan: Forgot my tape. [music stops, tape ejects] Energize.
Sheldon: I miss him already.

George Sr.: Who the hell is this?
Sheldon: This is Nathan. He's been to four Comic-Cons.

Sheldon: Stay back!
Meemaw: Calm down. We're taking her home.
Missy: To be murdered.
Sheldon: Okay, have fun.

Sheldon: I have a bone to pick with you, sir.
George Jr.: What'd I do?
Sheldon: You taped over my Star Trek episode.
George Jr.: So?
Sheldon: So, now I may never get to see it. What if it was a two-parter? I can't start a two-parter on part two. That's madness.

Jana: I think I'm gonna go.
George Jr.: Okay.
Sheldon: Hola, senorita. She's in my Spanish class.
Jana: I'll call you later.
Sheldon: Te veo manana en la clase de espanol.
Jana: What?
Sheldon: That means, "See you tomorrow in Spanish class." I was going to ask how you thought you did on Friday's quiz, but I'm guessing the answer is no bueno. Adios.