George Sr.: What's this? "Reserved for Coach Cooper." Would you look at that. They gave me a parking spot right by the door.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: I guess they're starting to appreciate my talents around here.
Sheldon: Why?

Sheldon: Then Geordi goes missing, but Wesley Crusher has a plan to use neutrinos to locate him, since they'd be visible to Geordi's visor.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Sheldon: It is. I recorded the episode. I'll show it to you tonight.
George Sr.: That's okay. You did such a good job explaining it, I feel like I saw it.
Sheldon: You're still seeing it.

Sheldon: Are we going to watch an educational film?
Mr. Givens: We're gonna watch Star Trek.
Sheldon: Star Trek in school? Wowie Zowie.

Ms. MacElroy: These are the flyers for the canned food drive. And, Sheldon, you'll be happy to know, I made sure they were cut perfectly, so that each one has exactly one and a half holes.
Sheldon: But mine has half a hole on the top, and Derek's here has half a hole on the bottom.

Ms. Ingram: Oh! There's my man.
Sheldon: Where?
Ms. Ingram: You, silly.
Sheldon: I'm neither a man, nor silly, but all right.
Ms. Ingram: You're so funny, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, well, that I am.

Dr. John Sturgis: Here we go.
Adult Sheldon: For many kids, Christmas morning was the most exciting day of the year. That's only because most kids don't know the joy of getting their college midterms back. It also didn't hurt that Dr. Sturgis looked like an elf.
Dr. John Sturgis: Nice work, Sheldon. Now, you'll notice that your grades are lower than expected. That's because Sheldon did so well, he broke the curve, turning your A's and B's into B's and C's.
Sheldon: They don't seem happy about it. Maybe you can give them candy.

Sheldon: Ooh! Someone responded to a theory I posted on the physics bulletin board. He called my work flawed.
Missy: That's rude. Let him know he can't push you around. That's what I did at baseball practice.
Sheldon: I'd rather not resort to name-calling. It usually gets me stuffed somewhere uncomfortable.
Missy: That's in person, where people know you're pathetic and weak.
Sheldon: That's true. This is completely anonymous. I can say whatever I want without fear of physical retaliation. Thanks.
Adult Sheldon: And on that day, my sister created the first Internet flame war.
Sheldon: Ooh, that is as cruel as it is grammatical. And send.

Sheldon: It's just so easy. All you do is type in the Usenet address: "sci dot theory dot physics dot research dot quantum." Press enter, and it comes right up. [modem screeching]
Tam: Careful. In WarGames, Matthew Broderick almost blew up the world.
Sheldon: The only thing I'm gonna be blowing up is this fellow's flimsy argument. That was one of my classic jokes; feel free to laugh. [modem finally stops screeching] See? Like magic.

Sheldon: [knocking] Missy?
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Sometimes I imagine that I'm an ion with a positive charge and they're an ion with a negative charge. It's so that whatever they say bounces off me and sticks to them.

Missy: Get out, I need to change.
Sheldon: You seem upset.
Missy: I am.
Sheldon: I was right? Good for me.
Missy: Just get out. Wait. You get picked on all the time. How do you deal with it?
Sheldon: Who's picking on you?
Missy: It doesn't matter, just tell me.
Sheldon: I usually start by telling myself how much smarter I am than the person who's picking on me, but that won't work for you.
Missy: Out.

Dale: George, I figure we kind of got off on the wrong foot the other day.
George Sr.: Don't worry about it.
Dale: Well, I do worry about it. I-I'd like to take you out for a beer, if that would be okay.
Sheldon: It appears Meemaw told him about you, too.

George Sr.: Guess who I'm grabbing a beer with. Your new friend, Dale.
Meemaw: Are you kidding me?
Sheldon: You were right, she's not happy.

George Sr.: What's a modem do?
Sheldon: It allows me to connect my computer to other computers that also have one.
George Sr.: Why would you need to do that?
Sheldon: So I can share my scientific ideas with academics all over the world. It's like the cybernetic version of the Algonquin Round Table.
George Sr.: I don't know what that means.
Sheldon: That's okay, you're still my dad and I'm genetically obligated to love you.

Sheldon: Hey, Clark. Today's the day.
Clark: It's in the back. I'll go get it.
George Sr.: What's he getting?
Sheldon: A direct-connect 300 baud modem.
George Sr.: How much?
Sheldon: Don't worry, I'm using my allowance. Plus, Clark gave me a healthy discount for helping with his application to medical school.

Sheldon: Are you all right?
Missy: Leave me alone.
Sheldon: Was there a written test, and you couldn't remember what I told you?
Missy: No.
Meemaw: You want to be on that baseball team?
Missy: Yes, but the coach said-
Meemaw: I don't care what he said get your glove, let's go.
Missy: Okay.
Sheldon: Missy.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Do good baseball.

Sheldon: Are you going for your baseball tryout?
Missy: Yup.
Sheldon: Will it include a written test?
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Well, just in case, here are some baseball facts that may come in handy. It was invented in the 1830s. The first officially recorded game was in 1846, and that game took place in Hoboken, New Jersey.
Missy: I won't need to know that.
Sheldon: Well, now you do, and you'll never forget it.
Missy: Already gone.

Sheldon: There's my favorite fire exit. Very well marked.
Mary: Nice.
Sheldon: Ooh. See that little step stool? They didn't have that before I got here.
Mary: Very impressive.
Sheldon: I know. And this is where I take my quantum field theory class. Those are my college classmates. I would tell you their names, but most of them won't make it to Christmas.

Sheldon: Missy said that Meemaw is upset at Dr. Sturgis.
Mary: Don't worry, she'll get over it.
Sheldon: The question is will she get over it by Friday at 4:00 p.m.? That's when we leave for my class.
Mary: I don't know, Shelly.
Sheldon: I suppose she could drop me off outside. Where are we on me walking through parking lots alone these days?
Mary: How about this? Um, until she's up to it, I'll take you.
Sheldon: Thanks. The parking lot still gives me the willies.

Sheldon: Hey, did everybody see there's a sale at RadioShack on nine-volt batteries? It's a golden opportunity to stock up.

George Sr.: Does he really have to walk around with that?
Mary: He's fine. Leave him be.
Missy: You're just begging to get beat up.
Sheldon: I'm more concerned about the biggest bully of all: the Sun.