Mary: Oh. Hi.
Audrey: Why do you have the baby?
Mary: Um... It's kind of a long story.
Audrey: Why do you have the baby?
Mary: My mother was arrested, she's in jail.
Audrey: I can't get a straight answer from anybody in this family.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Oh, I know that you're hurting, and... I'm here for you, so... what do you need?
Meemaw: Great, take me drinking.
Mary: It is 3:30 in the afternoon.
Meemaw: Yes, it's called happy hour.
Mary: I have to make dinner.
Meemaw: Oh, fine. I'll just be sad and drunk by myself. Maybe I'll go home with the bartender.
Mary: Missy! I have to go out with your meemaw, but I'll be back later with KFC.

Jim: Here we are. Grab a shovel and dig in. There you go.
Dr. Linkletter: I spent the summer in Italy once.
Georgie: Bringing back memories?
Dr. Linkletter: No.

George: [phone ringing] Sheldon, phone.
Sheldon: [to himself] 187 IQ and I'm a receptionist. [answers phone] Cooper residence. Hello, Mr.
Ballard. He's here. May I tell him what this is concerning? I may not? Very well. Dad, it's Mr. Ballard.
George: I'll pick it up in here.
Sheldon: [quietly] Which you could've done to begin with.

Sheldon: Are you sure there's a body down here?
Missy: Oh, yeah, keep digging.
Adult Sheldon: I'd like to tell you I found something that night, but for once you all might be ahead of me.