George Sr.: Listen to me. Hey. You're a good-looking kid, and you got a big heart. Once we get you on a daily shower schedule, the girls are gonna be lining up.
George Jr.: I don't want girls. I want Veronica.
George Sr.: Yeah, maybe you'll get her and maybe you won't. But someday, you'll find the woman who was really meant for you.
Mary: You mean like Kathryn Dempsey?
George Sr.: Alaska's beautiful. How 'bout I go with you?
George Jr.: Who's Kathryn Dempsey?
George Sr.: I was 15 years. I was 15 years old!

Adult Sheldon: There are certain phrases that are used by dads around the world.
George Sr.: Close the fridge. You're wastin' money.

George Sr.: Make a choice and close the door.
Sheldon: Okay. There's only one logical way to settle this. Eenie-meenie-
George Sr.: Close the door!

Dr. Gilbert: Y'all can exhale. Surgery went great.
Mary: Thank you, Jesus.
Dr. Gilbert: Sheldon's gonna need to stay here three, four days, which is standard, but, uh, after that he's good to go home.
George Sr.: Really appreciate it, Doctor.
Mary: Oh. We can't thank you enough for takin' care of him.
Dr. Gilbert: He's extremely intelligent, isn't he?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. He's our special little boy.

Mary: Where is he?
George Sr.: He's fine. He's in the bathroom workin' it out.
Mary: Shelly, you okay in there?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Give it a few more minutes. Eyes on the prize!

George Sr.: You're gonna be fine. One good dump and you'll feel right as rain.
Sheldon: Can you please not call it that?
George Sr.: What, "dump"?
Sheldon: Yes.
George Sr.: You want me to say "poop"?
Sheldon: I want you to stop talking about it.
George Sr.: B.M.?
Sheldon: Dad!

George Sr.: What are you doing in here?
Sheldon: I'm keeping a video diary of my experiment to create homo novus.
George Sr.: Homo what?
Sheldon: Novus. It's Latin. It means "new man."
George Sr.: Oh. I guess that's okay.

George Sr.: You understand any of that?
Mary: I don't know, I guess he's just being a little boy.
George Sr.: Since when?

George Sr.: Very impressive. Not sure how you did it, but that is the least disgusting locker room I've ever been in.

George Sr.: I turned it down.
Mary: Why?
Missy: 'Cause you're afraid of Mom?

George Sr.: Hey, listen, something came up today that we need to talk about.
Mary: What's that?
George Sr.: I maybe have a shot at a better job.
Mary: Oh, George, they're finally gonna make you head coach?
George Sr.: Better than that. Special Teams Coach, University of Tulsa.
Mary: In Oklahoma?
George Sr.: That is where they're keeping Tulsa these days.

Coach Wilkins: I didn't see your kid at practice today. Everything all right?
George Sr.: Not really. ... That's it? You're not gonna ask me what's going on?
Coach Wilkins: I just did. You shut me out.
George Sr.: Well, it doesn't mean you can't persist a little.
Coach Wilkins: You know, this is the kind of crap I get from my wife. I do not need it from you.
George Sr.: Sorry. [SNIFFLES] You're really not gonna ask?

Herschel Sparks: Sorry about the light beer, but Brenda's got me on this health kick.
George Sr.: You are melting away.
Herschel Sparks: Shut up.

George Sr.: Thanks, Herschel. That does my heart good.
Herschel Sparks: So I guess you got two geniuses in the family.
George Sr.: Guess I do.
Herschel Sparks: Who knows, maybe Missy'll make it three.
George Sr.: Or it's two.

George Jr.: So me and Herschel dropped the engine on this Pacer today. It was so cool.
George Sr.: I had a buddy in high school had a Pacer with the flames painted on the side, which was funny 'cause the damn thing caught fire during the Homecoming parade

Sheldon: Did you know that her parents are getting a divorce?
George Sr.: Just keep walking. Keep walking.

George Sr.: Want to hear something cool? Sheldon skipped out of that lecture with that little Paige girl, snuck into a closed exhibit.
Mary: You're kidding.
George Sr.: True. [LAUGHS] Even got, uh, "arrested" by the museum security cops.
Mary: Why would you think that's cool?
George Sr.: Sheldon got into trouble with a girl! I'm bursting with pride.
Mary: [SIGHS] You know what? I don't want to talk about it.
George Sr.: There, right there. That's why I love you.

George Sr.: Hey, you like football?
Barry: No.
George Sr.: Well, you sure? It's a close game.
Barry: Uh, no, no, I'm, uh, more of a tennis man.
George Sr.: Well, those are two very different sports, aren't they?

Linda: And then when Paige turned six, it was obvious she wasn't like the other kids, and she needed a school where she could excel.
George Sr.: Uh-huh.
Linda: But Barry's dental practice was 50 miles outside of Fayetteville, and do you know what's available for extraordinary children 50 miles outside of Fayetteville?
George Sr.: I'm gonna guess not much.
Linda: Nothing. So I packed us up, and I made him move to Texas where, believe it or not, people do get cavities.
George Sr.: I believe it. I had a humdinger last summer. Face swelled up like a cantaloupe.

Linda: I mean, you, of all people, would understand. You've got a special child of your own.
George Sr.: I do, I do.
Linda: How do you and Mary handle the stress?
George Sr.: Well, we actually have a pretty good system.
Linda: Oh, please tell me.
George Sr.: We don't talk about it.
Linda: Not at all?
George Sr.: Zippo.
Linda: Boy, that doesn't sound like it could work.
George Sr.: Suit yourself, but I'm having a nice day; you're crying into your peach cobbler.