George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: I messed up.
George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: What do I do?
George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: Please, say anything else.
George Sr.: I'm trying! Okay... Are you sure she's pregnant?
George Jr.: Yes, she took a test.
George Sr.: Sometimes those things are wrong.
George Jr.: She took more than one.
George Sr.: Well... Are you sure it's yours? Some gals like to get around.
George Jr.: Dad, she's pregnant, it's mine and she's having it.
George Sr.: Y'all are too young to have a baby!
George Jr.: I am. She's actually 29.
George Sr.: Oh, no.

Mary: What time are you home tonight?
George Sr.: Late. I'm working at Ballard's after practice again.
Mary: How long can you keep this up?
George Sr.: Uh, maybe I'll get fired from the high school and only have one job to worry about.
Mandy: I'm sorry.
George Sr.: Me, too.

Mary: Where you going?
George Sr.: To meet Dale at the bar. [sighs] I really don't want to hear about this relationship anymore.
Mary: At least he talks about it. My mom just wants to drink and pretend she's fine.
George Sr.: That sounds great. Hey, maybe you and I can switch. I'll-I'll finish the dishes, you go hang out with Dale.
Mary: We can't switch.
George Sr.: Sure you can. Grab your coat.

Sheldon: I can relate. A young lady brought chaos into my life as well today.
Missy: What happened?
Sheldon: Paige was visiting the university and got mad that I have college friends and she doesn't.
George Sr.: You're drunk, Sheldon has friends. This a crazy-ass dinner.

George Sr.: I thought you ended things with her.
Dale: Yeah, not my fault she's okay with it.
George Sr.: You know what's better than going on and on about it?
Dale: What's that?
[cut to Dale grunting as he punches a boxing bag in the store:]
George Sr.: Come on, you can do better than that. Punch her new car. [Dale grunts] Don't forget it's yellow.
Dale: I mean, since when are cars yellow? It's not a taxi.
George Sr.: Less talking, more punching.
Dale: Can I at least have some gloves? My hands hurt.
George Sr.: Well, aren't you a tender buttercup.

Roy: You work here now?
George Sr.: Yeah, just nights and weekends since you and the boosters are gun for my neck.
Roy: Hey, it's nothing personal.
George Sr.: Mm, good to know. I'll be sure to tell the bank that has my mortgage.
Roy: How many losing seasons are we supposed to put up with before we make a change? Frankly, I'm surprised you lasted this long.
George Sr.: You're lucky I'm working right now.
Roy: I ain't here to cause trouble.
George Sr.: Something I can help you with?
Roy: Just a little fishing tackle.
George Sr.: [sighs] Follow me.

George Sr.: Oh, no, t-these are great shoes, but at his age, he's gonna grow out of them before you hit the parking lot. [chuckles] These are just as good, and they're gonna save you a little money.
Woman: Thank you.
George Sr.: Take them up to the counter, I'll be right there to ring them up.
Dale: George. You realize you're on commission, don't you?
George Sr.: [to the mother] You know what you never grow out of? Socks. I'm gonna grab you some socks. How about some wristbands?

George Sr.: I went to Sheldon's college for a possible coaching gig. They don't even have a team anymore.
Dale: Huh. So you're looking for a new job?
George Sr.: Something like that.
Dale: Well, there's plenty of teams out there.
George Sr.: Yeah, but I'm starting to think it's gonna be the same BS wherever I go.
Dale: That's how I feel about life. Wherever I go... [blows raspberry]
George Sr.: [chuckles] Yeah.
Dale: You ever think about doing something different?
George Sr.: Well, I played football, I coach football, I watch a lot of football. So unless sitting here becomes a job...

President Hagemeyer: So, what can I do for you?
George Sr.: When y'all were first recruiting Sheldon, you offered me a chance to head up your football program.
President Hagemeyer: And you turned us down.
George Sr.: I was right in the middle of rebuilding Medford's team, but now, I'm ready for a new challenge.
President Hagemeyer: Well, Mr. Cooper...
George Sr.: Please, call me Coach. Oh, and this just occurred to me, but, uh, if I were here, I could help keep an eye on Sheldon, take some of the burden off you.
President Hagemeyer: [laughs] Oh, your son is no burden.
George Sr.: He's a pain in the ass, ma'am. You can say it.
President Hagemeyer: Well, whether he is or he isn't...
George Sr.: He is.

George Sr.: I mean, how could Wayne stab me in the back like this?
Mary: I don't think Wayne stabbed you in the back.
George Sr.: Can you please just agree with me?
Mary: Sorry. So, what happens now?
George Sr.: I don't know. I guess I wait and see if I'm fired.
Mary: Well, if that happens, you can always get another job.
George Sr.: Medford has one high school. [stammers] Another job could mean moving.
Mary: But our roots are here. My mom is here.
George Sr.: So, moving's got its upsides.

Coach Wilkins: Well, they were floating the idea of me being head coach next year.
George Sr.: What the hell, Wayne?
Coach Wilkins: I didn't know what it was gonna be about.
George Sr.: Well, what did you tell them?
Coach Wilkins: Look, I want you to keep your job.
George Sr.: Well, then tell them you're not interested.
Coach Wilkins: But...if you're not gonna keep your job, I want your job.
George Sr.: Really? You want to spend your days coaching lazy kids and getting yelled at by their parents?
Coach Wilkins: Come on, George.
George Sr.: Don't forget the dirty looks after you lose, like you're the one that fumbled on the three-yard line. That's the job you want?
Coach Wilkins: It's called coaching, George.

George Sr.: Well, it's not lobster, but... least your friends won't see us.
Missy: Sorry.
George Sr.: It's okay. You're just getting older.
Missy: I guess.
George Sr.: Sure I was a jackass to my parents, too.
Missy: Hey!
George Sr.: How's your burger?
Missy: So good.
George Sr.: It is pretty good. Hey, maybe this can be our new spot for daddy-daughter dates.
Missy: Please stop saying that.
George Sr.: What? Daddy-daughter dates?
Missy: Yes.
George Sr.: Mm. Okay. What would you like me to call our daddy-daughter dates?
Missy: [chuckles] You're so annoying. [George chuckles]

George Sr.: Here we are.
Missy: Red Lobster?
George Sr.: You love this place.
[flashback:]
Missy: Holy moly.
George Sr.: It's good, huh?
Missy: Unbelievable.
[present:]
Missy: Yeah, when I was, like, eight.
George Sr.: Well, come on, we had our first daddy-daughter date here.
Missy: Oh, my God, don't ever call it that again.
George Sr.: What?
Missy: I have friends who come here on actual dates. They might see us.
George Sr.: Thought it'd be nice.
Missy: Can we please go anywhere else?
George Sr.: [sighs] Fine. You know, they have those cheddar biscuits.
Missy: Dad.
George Sr.: Fine.

George Sr.: Put your shoes on.
Missy: Why?
George Sr.: Let's you and me go do something fun.
Missy: Something I think is fun or something you think is fun?
George Sr.: Something we both think is fun. Come on, get in the truck.
Missy: You gonna teach me how to drive?
George Sr.: No.
Missy: You sure? It would just make me feel so much better about all the stuff Sheldon gets to do.
George Sr.: You're not driving.
Missy: I would seriously love you so much if I could drive.
George Sr.: Stop it.

George Sr.: You ready for your road trip?
Sheldon: Yes. I'm plotting bathroom breaks. It's tricky because I'm not sure how frequently Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis need to urinate. Maybe I should call them.
George Sr.: Ooh, I wouldn't. You ask old guys about their bladder, you're in for a long conversation.

Mary: [low humming] Sounds like the ocean.
George Sr.: Oh, it is very relaxing.
George Jr.: Kind of makes the rest of the kitchen look trashy.
Sheldon: Ooh, it has a temperature boost sensor.
Mary: What's that?
Sheldon: It makes sure the water is heated to the correct temperature for ideal cleaning and drying results.
All: Ooh.
Missy: [scoffs and walks off]
Mary: Where are you going? You're gonna miss the rinse cycle.
Missy: I'm not missing anything. [exits]
George Sr.: [dishwasher beeps] Oh, it beeped. Look up "beep."

George Sr.: Ooh, look at the Ultra-Clean Two. It's got five washing cycles.
Mary: I don't know, George, these are really expensive.
George Sr.: You won the money. Spend it.
Mary: Maybe we should just get a more affordable one.
George Sr.: Everything we do is affordable. Uh... splurge for once.
Mary: It's so extravagant.
George Sr.: [laughs] You'd think we were talking about buying a party boat. It's a dishwasher, for crying out loud.
Mary: But the way we got the money, it just doesn't feel right.
George Sr.: So you're telling me you're never okay with bending the rules once in a while?
Mary: That's not how being a Christian works.
George Sr.: Good to know. [grabs the scratch card]
Mary: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Oh, just helping you be a good Christian.

Principal Petersen: But I do think you're overreacting.
George Sr.: Come on. I... Would it kill her to loosen up once in a while?
Principal Petersen: Maybe that's just not who she is.
George Sr.: What if it is, just not with me?
Principal Petersen: Well, what does that mean?
George Sr.: The other night I drove by the church and I saw Mary and that new youth pastor just hanging out on the curb, laughing and smoking cigarettes.
Principal Petersen: Yeah? And?
George Sr.: Well, that's not enough?
Principal Petersen: Well, is smoking even a sin? 'Cause I still light up after a roll in the hay.
George Sr.: The point is, she's capable of being fun, just... not with me.

Mary: I'm gonna tell you right now, we can't keep it.
George Sr.: It's not a puppy, Mary, it's 500 bucks.
Mary: It is gambling.
George Sr.: Then why'd you buy the ticket?
Mary: I didn't buy it. They gave it to me at the gas station.
George Sr.: Okay, well, that sounds like a gift from God. You don't want to make Him mad.
Mary: That is not how God works, George.
George Sr.: What if He wanted you to have it to give to the Church?
Mary: Well...
George Sr.: Well, uh, based on that, what ifHe wanted you to have it so we could buy stuff?
Mary: George.
George Sr.: All I'm saying is, we work hard, we're good people. Maybe we deserve this.

Mary: I guess a dishwasher might be nice.
George Sr.: There you go. Get a dishwasher.
Mary: I don't know. I'll think about it.
George Sr.: What's to think about? Have some fun for once.
Missy: Ooh, we getting something fun with the money?
George Sr.: We're talking about a dishwasher.
Missy: When did your dreams die?
George Sr.: When we had kids.
Mary: George.